GoF Chapter Twenty-Three

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Obviously this was written before the GoF-movie came out!

*This chapter is going to take up half the movie, isn’t it. I mean, the part that isn’t Harry getting chased by the Horntail.

*Harry still hadn’t forgotten Dudley and the Ton-tongue toffee incident. In fact, he seems to have vaguely made himself the injured party in it.

*Only Fleur found something to complain about, which they all know because they’ve been spending so much time with all the students from the other schools.

*Oh, and btw, Fleur’s "complaint" is to say the food at Hogwarts is so heavy she won’t fit in her dress robes. (So I guess the other students are allowed into the castle for meals.) Not much of a complaint, but Hermione announces that Fleur thinks a lot of herself anyway. This from someone who chooses to spend her time with OotP/HBP!Ginny, who would win a gold medal in thinking highly of herself.

*Of course, Ginny would never say anything like Fleur says here, because she would just eat as much as she wanted and never gain weight. That’s why everyone likes her so much better.

*Once again, let’s pause to thank goodness for Death Eaters. Burn on Malfoy! And btw, Hermione’s perfect now, because her teeth are fixed.

*Carry on with her brace? So Hermione has been having orthodontic work done all this time while managing to avoid actual braces? Lucky her. Doesn’t seem like she had teeth that would just get fixed with a night brace.

*Her parents aren’t pleased, of course, because they’re dentists. Did you remember that? Because it’s literally the only thing we know about Hermione’s parents and so it seems to drive their entire personalities, even if their profession is useless to Hermione.

*Sirius figures whoever put Harry’s name in the Goblet isn’t feeling too happy right now. I hope Sirius had a big laugh over this dumb plan once he found out the mystery.

*Harry dismisses Sirius’ warnings to be on the alert, as if he actually pays attention to things around him when he doesn’t have to and isn’t at this moment blowing off the whole egg thing.

*Recklessly brave pawns and a very violent bishop. Hmm…

*Harry has inherited the Dursleys talent for gift-giving. Ron, who has nothing, has not only given Dobby a better present, but a more thoughtful one with no strings or agendas attached (like Hermione’s gifts to house elves).

*Harry’s other presents are nicer than Dobby’s. Actually, I thought Dobby’s present was really nice, since it actually is the thought that counts.

*Harry complains about the Dursleys sending him a single tissue. Especially after he gave them a home media center. Or nothing. I can’t remember which.

*And don't ask me how they sent him the tissue. Did Dumbledore send an owl to their house to peck at their scalps until they gave it something for Harry?

*Of course the robes look better without lace, Ron. Why your mother didn’t do that for you we’ll never know. Maybe she was too busy admiring the way Harry’s robes match his eyes or planning his dragon sweater.

*Dean can’t figure out how Harry and Ron got the best-looking girls in their year. Apparently he still hasn’t figured out whose name is on the cover of the book.

*Btw, I can’t help but feel like the fact that Cho, Parvati and Padma are all the prettiest is JKR really trying to be politically correct. I guess Ginny’s super!beauty cancels them out, though.

*Malfoy’s robes are understated as usual.:-) Okay, he can’t yet carry it off the designer wear, but he’ll do it soon. Pansy is somehow dissed by the narrator by being given frilly pink robes to wear, even though I don’t think they could look worse than the horrible frilly thing Emma Watson wears in the movie. I know that one review said it was the dress that "every girl dreams" of going to a ball in, but that was because the review was written by a guy. I like pink, and think that dress is awful.

*Also, Crabbe/Goyle OTP! Matching outfits and no girls! Come on, it’s not like Draco couldn’t have gotten them dates if they really wanted, or there aren’t third-year Slytherin girls who’d want to go however they could. Besides, surely the girls of Slytherin have to be ugly too.

*Krum’s with a pretty girl in blue robes Harry doesn’t know. Oh, he’ll know her in the movie all right. We’re talking slow pan and spotlight—all the way.

*Harry is stunned to realize the 45-year-old woman with Viktor is actually Hermione!

*Gee, even Malfoy can’t think of an insult to throw at Hermione, she looks so pretty. Solution to bigotry=be really pretty!

*Of course, all Harry can come up with to say about Malfoy is that he looks like a vicar. OTP!

*You know, now that we see Karkaroff doesn’t look happy about Krum/Hermione either, I’m seeing a lot of evidence for that theory about Krum being drawn to her as part of a rebellion because she’s Muggleborn.

*Percy’s happy about being promoted. Obviously he’s evil. He gives a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Mr. Crouch isn’t at work regularly, but will still be blamed for not realizing that of course, he’s just possessed by an evil wizard everyone thinks is dead.

*Harry naturally has to stop himself from asking Percy if Crouch has stopped calling Percy "Weatherby" yet. Hey Harry, have people stopped caring about you because of what you did as a baby yet? No? Then fuck off and congratulate Percy who actually works hard for any recognition he manages to get.

*Hermione happily forgets about the house elves when there’s a ball to be queen of. You know, one could probably make a convincing argument that SPEW is a kind of symbolic masturbation for Hermione, the place where she channels her frustrated sexual desires when she’s not getting any in canon.

*Krum proves himself to be far superior than the Beauxbatons students by saying his school is inferior to Hogwarts.

*Harry has never heard Viktor talk. Apparently he’s never heard a Bulgarian talk either, because instead of hearing Viktor sound like one, he just hears generic funny-eastern-European Hollywood accent.

*First hint of the RoR, which even Dumbledore didn’t know about until he needed to introduce it so that Harry could use it in the next book. Even architecture is ruled by plot and springs into existance soley for Harry's benefit.

*Why does Dumbledore wink at Percy, exactly? Is it just to show that Percy is being a Bad Adult who doesn’t appreciate Santa’s jokes about chamber pots?

*Meanwhile, at the other end of the Table of Bad Accents, Roger Davies doesn’t notice Fleur is being insulting because she’s so pretty. Which I guess is supposed to explain Ginny in later books. I notice Fleur doesn’t hex Roger or render him unconscious. What a bitch.

*Krum somehow manages to mispronounce Hermione’s name *exactly* like an English-speaking person (perhaps an American) might pronounce it when he’s only see it written and is unfamiliar with the name. Yet he’s presumably only ever had it spoken to him. Poor Viktor. Btw, a Bulgarian accent would in no way change "Hermione" into "Hermo-ninny."

*In a clash of dance clichés, Harry finds himself doing a slow dance to the accompaniment of a band that doesn’t look like they do many fox trots.

*Neville steps on Ginny’s feet. Harry, just as clueless, never steps on Parvati’s, because he’s cool. I’m sure Hermione dances fabulously too.

*Moody chooses the middle of the dance to tell Harry he can see through everyone’s clothes. Err. Thanks, Moody.

*Ron’s being a bitch, but man, he must be having a terrible ball. This whole night’s just been designed to make him miserable, really.

*Ron’s actually pretty clever the way he covers up his jealousy by pretending Hermione’s helping Viktor win the tournament.

*This whole tournament’s supposed to be about making friends with wizards from other schools, according to Hermione. Really? Since when? I think Ron’s clearly right, dear. It is about winning. As you're doing here by "winning" at the ball with Viktor while never speaking to anyone else from the other schools.

*Is it me, or does Percy not sound all that bad at all? I mean, he’s talking about his job, that doesn’t make him boring to people who actually know about his job. Granted, he’s talking to Bagman who’s a big slacker and thus a better man.

*Harry and Ron wander into make-out lane, where they meet Snape and Karkaroff in a cozy meeting of their own in the bushes.

*Hagrid brushes off his mother’s not being a maternal sort since it’s "not in their natures." Um…should that sound as disturbing as it does? Giants are so beyond bestial they don’t even care about their children?

*Oh dear god, I so do not want to picture the Hagrid’s marriage any more than I have to.

*Hagrid/Maxime=gross. I’m sorry, but this pair creeps me out. I hate Hagrid.

*Ooh, wizarding prejudice against giants! Oh no! That is, wizarding prejudice against *half* giants. Giants themselves really do seem to be barely-human, but you just can’t hold it against *half* giants. Sort of like the way you can treat Muggles like inferior beings all you want but don’t insult a Muggleborn witch. To review: prejudice against other races is fine, because they really are different. But kind people forgive people for being related to other races if they do their best to be wizards.

*Harry doesn’t watch Cho and Cedric because it gives him a strong desire to kick something. I know how he feels. This whole chapter is giving me that feeling.

*Why doesn’t Cedric just tell Harry to open the egg under water in the bath? Everybody still seems to cling to these little loopholes to make it less like telling the other person the answer. If Cedric knew Harry better he might know he had to spell it out for him. Luckily Harry will find yet another helper in the bathroom.

*Harry walks in on Hermione and Ron screaming at each other. He’ll probably be reenacting this scene a lot throughout his life. Can’t you just see him as friendly gay Uncle Harry who takes the kids out for ice cream while Mum and Dad have another row?

*I’m so glad this chapter is over, but I must say in the end: they really are anvil-sized.



Maguffin
No Sirius, in fact whoever put Harry’s name in the Goblet is relieved he got past the dragon.

Designated Hero
I want Cedric to win.

Informed Attributes
Geez, Sirius, of course Harry’s keeping his eyes open!

Also, somehow Parvati manages to come off looking badly for the way she’s steering Harry around, stressing how the girl isn’t supposed to lead, while ignoring the fact that she’s steering because the boy is supposed to lead and he’s not. I know, I know, Harry’s pov, but still. The girls in these books just always seem genuinely in the wrong.

Light Bulb Moment
Oh my gosh—it’s Hermione!

The Misleading Masculine Moniker Rule
It’s not quite, but I think Hermione a the ball is a variation of it. She’s a girl!

Final score: 5

Comments

[aasaylva.livejournal.com]

I’m sure Hermione dances fabulously too.
This is SO cliché and annoys me no end. Somehow, it's always the guys who get ridiculed for not being able to dance properly (and rightfully so), whereas the girls just can do it - even the ones like Hermione who'd never bother to take lessons. Is the dancing gene located on the second X-chromosome or what?

horrible frilly thing Emma Watson wears in the movie.
Word. Especially as in the book Hermione got to wear a blue robe, underlining her inner Ravenclawishness and thus ability to act as the love-interest as well. Which makes me wonder why there is nothing Ravenclaw about Ginny. And gets up my hopes for Luna in the end (even more so with the new movie!)

Ron’s actually pretty clever the way he covers up his jealousy by pretending Hermione’s helping Viktor win the tournament.
True, I hated Ron for this because I thought it really cruel on his part - and quite uncharacteristically Slytherin. I could have seen Draco reducing a girl to tears like that...

[lachlanm.livejournal.com]

aasaylva: This is SO cliché and annoys me no end. Somehow, it's always the guys who get ridiculed for not being able to dance properly (and rightfully so), whereas the girls just can do it - even the ones like Hermione who'd never bother to take lessons. Is the dancing gene located on the second X-chromosome or what?

Actually, having the dancing gene on the X chromosome might just as easily make the boys better at dancing, because if the gene is recessive, they wouldn't have another X chromosome with a dominant non-dancing gene to counteract the recessive dancing one. That's how color-blindness works, anyway.

I feel really nerdy now.