Much more summary goodness :)

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

*Harry wonders about the headmaster over the coming weeks. Specifically, whether Dumbledore has forgotten all about him. Oh Harry, nobody could forget about you. Not with all those tantrums you keep having - "Best give Harry some time, we don't want another piss-fit like last year. Remember the allcaps tantrums?"

*In the meantime, Harry is gaining valuable insights from his beloved HBP and the wonderful scribbly textbook. He manages to perform several minor hexes, including one on Crabbe's toenails, whose result was described as "entertaining" (That must have really buggered up his feet, not to mention his socks) and one on Argus Filch's tongue "to general applause" (and not to, say, detention or a telling-off for the caster of said hex by a teacher). Then there is the Muffliato spell, effective at enabling Harry to chatter to Ron in class without being told off. Not that Harry is in any way neglectful of his studies (Hermione continues to refuse all part in this).

*"...the Prince had proved a much more effective teacher than Snape so far." Oh, shush.

*Harry levitates Ron, who decides by mid-morning of the next day that this was actually hillarious. I'm not sure if this is meant to be another Ron-so-pathetic moment, or to indicate Ron's strength of character in that he can laugh off any attempt at ABH, unlike the clearly weaker Severus Snape back in the summer of '76

*Hermione insists on spells being "Ministry of magic approved". Are we not supposed to be rageing against that particular machine? Is that not what Gryffindorish rebels do? The contradictions!

*Although I am quite pleased at Hermione for pointing out that dangling people upside-down was also something the Death Eaters have done. At least someone can part-way make the connection.

*Ron claims that his whole family are blood-traitors! Well, aside from the fact that they're all pure-bloods and they no longer talk to the only squib in the family. But they totally didn't kill any Muggles, which makes them dirty Muggle-lovers! Really!

*Anyway, Harry gets a letter from Ginny, but actually from Dumbledore. See, how could you think he'd forgotten you, Harry? Curiously, Ginny is not yet causing him any funny behaviour in his tummy. You'd think he'd have noticed she was the love of his life by now, and got all humourously awkward when he thought the letter was actually from Ginny for a few seconds.

*In Hogsmeade, they spot Professor Slughorn and his terribly stylish cossack get-up. He certainly likes his clothes. I won't mention the fact that he's in Honeydukes ("occupying at least a quarter of the shop") and omg HE EATS A LOT DID I MENTION THE FAT FAT FATTY FAT. Oh wait...

*We get another glimpse of Aberforth Dumbledore, standing about with Mundungus Fletcher. Clearly, theirluvissoshifty. Of course, Harry doesn't know that's Aberforth. But still - theirluv! Their badly dressed, weirdo LUV!

*Mundungus Fletcher has been looting from Sirius' house and about to sell off all his wossnames. Eagle-eyed readers will remember Dung contemplating this near the beginning of OotP, but the place has only been properly empty recently. Anyway, in a burst of stupid swoon-worthy machismo, Harry gives Dungus teh_throttle, but Dung gives him the slip. Which is to say, he Disapparates.

*Luckily, Tonks appears from Out Of Nowhere to remind us that she's still sad and woebegone. If this was my story, she would have been killed in OotP. Actually, let's assume she was, since she adds bugger-all to this entire book.

*Coming out of the Three Broomsticks, Harry et al witness a cursed necklace attack Katie Bell. It's such an odd scene that I had to read it more than once the first time around to make sure I knew what was going on. While all this drama is going on, Harry makes sure to mention Draco and his sure involvement with the scene. Hermione and Ron seem sceptical, a sure sign that Harry is Right. It's a bit like the X-Files, in a way.

*Indeed, upon suggesting this theory to Professor McGonnagal, similar scepticism results. When will teachers learn to listen to plucky kids? They're always in the right!

Comments

[xerox78.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this is meant to be another Ron-so-pathetic moment, or to indicate Ron's strength of character in that he can laugh off any attempt at ABH, unlike the clearly weaker Severus Snape back in the summer of '76

Speaking of Ron-So-Pathetic, I wonder how he ended up so skinny? Shouldn't he be at least pudgy or chubby?

*Luckily, Tonks appears from Out Of Nowhere to remind us that she's still sad and woebegone. If this was my story, she would have been killed in OotP. Actually, let's assume she was, since she adds bugger-all to this entire book.

Maybe she'll be killed in the next book. There's a theory on hp_essays that she is actually Polyjuice!Draco.

[pacoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll be catching up soon as well.

"...the Prince had proved a much more effective teacher than Snape so far."

That sudden lump on your head was caused by the Jackhammer of Ironic Foreshadowing. Please do not confuse it with the lumps caused by the R/Hr Anvils of Lurve.

Curiously, Ginny is not yet causing him any funny behaviour in his tummy.

It's been a while since anyone had reminded him that Ginny So Pretty, so he simply forgot. Lucky him.

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

There's a theory on hp_essays that she is actually Polyjuice!Draco.

Polyjuice!Narcissa was mentioned there as well, which was my personal "Black Family Business" tinfoil hat theory.

I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one going in that general direction – it's the only way having Tonks in the book makes any fucking sense whatsoever, because her angsting over Remus has SWEET. FUCK. ALL. to do with Harry, the Horcruxes, or the inevitable showdown with Voldemort.

[blueinkedpalm.livejournal.com]

She adds bugger-all to this entire book.

But she gets to prove that Remus isn't gay spread a little love around, much like peanut butter! And act as a useless distraction red herring!

Aberforth/Mundungus is my new OTP.

[xerox78.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one going in that general direction – it's the only way having Tonks in the book makes any fucking sense whatsoever, because her angsting over Remus has SWEET. FUCK. ALL. to do with Harry, the Horcruxes, or the inevitable showdown with Voldemort.

Exactly, and what is the point of giving her such a rare and unusual talent if all she is going to do with it is turn her hair pink, and she can't even use that if she and Remus can't be together? She is the one "major" character who could be cut out of the books she has appeared in and it wouldn't make a speck of difference.

[dried-frog-pill.livejournal.com]

Aberforth/Mundungus OTP, only so long as Goat doesn't mind....

Mundungus Fletcher has been looting from Sirius' house and about to sell off all his wossnames. Eagle-eyed readers will remember Dung contemplating this near the beginning of OotP, but the place has only been properly empty recently. Anyway, in a burst of stupid swoon-worthy machismo, Harry gives Dungus teh_throttle, but Dung gives him the slip.
See, that's what I've never understood. Sirius was practically relieved and glad that Dung wanted to take the Black silver off of his hands (technically, should they have had silver around Remus, him being a werewolf and all?), so why should Harry, just because he inherits the stuff that Sirius despised, get all pissy about it? If it was my godfather who had a hated hat, I wouldn't want to keep it. Every time I'd look at the thing I'd think 'how he hated that thing.' I'd much rather keep something that he took delight in or loved, rather than some boring old goblet that represented the family he hated.

Actually, let's assume she was, since she adds bugger-all to this entire book.
True dat. I love how all the female characters are suddenly assassinated in HBP. The fuck?

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Because you know what women are like! (Shut UP, JKR.) If we don't have a man in our lives, we can quite literally die. See: Merope. Or at least lose whatever meagre female powers we had (notice that Remus isn't adversely affected by his and Tonks' GREAT LOFF?)

why should Harry, just because he inherits the stuff that Sirius despised, get all pissy about it?

Because otherwise he'd miss the chance to play the victim and act totally tough and hardcore?

[lilith-morgana.livejournal.com]

(Shut UP, JKR.)

Yes x 30000000. I'm waiting for the Lily Plot From Hell in book 7, one that will finally send me into the arms of Womanhood and make me weep like a baby. Why does Rowling hate women so? WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO YOU, BITCH?

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Harry wonders about the headmaster over the coming weeks. Specifically, whether Dumbledore has forgotten all about him.

Yeah, love that it's not 'Wow, I wonder what could be so important that Dumbledore is called away?' or 'What about the security of Hogwarts?' but 'Wah, pay attention to ME! Sure, I'm the only person in school who gets private lessons, and Dumbledore's given me more special favours and privileges than anyone else, but LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!'

He manages to perform several minor hexes

Interestingly in the corridor. Where James used to randomly hex people, apparently. (Not that Harry's a bully!) But yeah, his sole interest here appears to be: special treatment from Potions; mean tricks to play on others from the hexes (what happened to 'counter' ones, anyway? ;) No intellectual curiousity. Of course, I wouldn't expect there to be, but then if you listen to fandom/JKR, Harry's a super-genius who's just too cool for school.

one on Argus Filch's tongue "to general applause" (and not to, say, detention or a telling-off for the caster of said hex by a teacher).

I thought Harry hated attention, anyway? Surely his modest soul shied from applause from a crowd?
Nice to hex a guy who can't do anything back, at any rate.

I'm not sure if this is meant to be another Ron-so-pathetic moment, or to indicate Ron's strength of character

At least floating in the air gave him attention, I suppose.
But to be honest, the Trio's friendship is so unequal, I think he'd thank Harry even if he'd tested the Sectumsempra on him.

Hermione insists on spells being "Ministry of magic approved". Are we not supposed to be rageing against that particular machine? Is that not what Gryffindorish rebels do? The contradictions!

Could it be that all their moralising was based not around any actual ideology or beliefs but just personal resentment towards Umbridge (and thus Fudge)? Oh, surely not!

Although I am quite pleased at Hermione for pointing out that dangling people upside-down was also something the Death Eaters have done.

Yeah, me too. Love how the boys immediately whitewash that - but this is us, and so totally different!

Ron claims that his whole family are blood-traitors!

Yeah, JKR really doesn't do a fantastic job of convincing us why the Trio can't be DEs.
Aside from the obvious blood/prophecy issues, I've seen nothing in Hermione and Harry's characters that doesn't suggest they wouldn't be the Best Death Eaters Ever and the whole 'Weasleys are as bad as Muggles, except when they're choking them and shit, and inspiring Death Eater plans' is hardly hard evidence.
I really hope that the emphasis here is on Ron's family being immediately brushed aside as all being tarred with Arthur's pseudo-liberal brush when say, noticing that the Twins or, and this has no chance, Ginny don't appear to have any scruples whatsoever. (Rather than the more obvious choices of Ron/Percy as the weak link/s in the family.)

Curiously, Ginny is not yet causing him any funny behaviour in his tummy.

Harry only reacts to Ginny when another male is pissing on his territory, so to speak. Note that when it turns out she's gone with Dean, all the GRR MY WOMAN caveman romance appears.

Professor Slughorn and his terribly stylish cossack get-up.

Yeah, he sounds very Movie!Lucius/Draco here, with the funky hat.

He certainly likes his clothes.

You shouldn't care about appearances unless you're naturally beautiful, though, remember? Otherwise it's just pathetic and vain.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Anyway, in a burst of stupid swoon-worthy machismo, Harry gives Dungus teh_throttle.

Ugh, this and 'You don't have to call me sir' caused several of them to wet their knickers. OMG, Harry's such an alpha male!

Hermione and Ron seem sceptical, a sure sign that Harry is Right. It's a bit like the X-Files, in a way.

I don't whether to be happy Draco has a plot, or sad that Harry was right against Oppression and Doubt (again...) and about his suspicions of Draco and his Nefarious Ways. (On balance, I'd say the first, but it'd be nice if this wasn't just CoS: Rehashed and Remixed.)

When will teachers learn to listen to plucky kids? They're always in the right!

Dumbledore would have. (Well, sort of. Since it turns out he knows Harry's right, he's just playing Puppet Master with the risk of Draco actually killing someone all the while.) Of course, McG is but a feeble woman, with the attendant trait of not intuitively sensing that Harry is Always Right.

Oh, but you missed the most hilarious line in the book! (Well, next to 'We could have had years!') - 'Since when has Malfoy been one of the world's greatest thinkers?' Not so funny by itself, but it coming from Harry just cracks me up. Pot(ter) calling the Kettle black, anyone? (No wonder Ron and Hermione didn't say anything, they were probably thinking it, too.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Or at least short and thus Unmanly...

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

What's frustrating to me is that, as both part of the last generation of the House of Black and of mixed blood, Tonks has so much potential that Rowling isn't utilizing. Her constantly showing up in near proximity to Draco (the other member of the youngest generation of Blacks) throughout HPB is – or at least could be – very interesting in that respect.

what is the point of giving her such a rare and unusual talent if all she is going to do with it is turn her hair pink

Honestly! With abilities like that, she should be giving Snape a run for his money in the spy department! What a waste.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Maybe she'll be killed in the next book. There's a theory on hp_essays that she is actually Polyjuice!Draco.

A theory that drives me crazy not because it wouldn't be more interesting to have something other than lovesickness going on with Tonks, but because people are acting like it's actually got evidence in canon beyond "I want it to be this way."

This is a theory that uses as evidence that Tonks is really Draco the fact that her hair is wet after standing in the sleet.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Yeah, or at the very least, a reaction to the name of her cousin (or aunts, or whoever...!) when Harry mentioned who beat him up.

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

If Tonks does anything at all in the next book, I'll be genuinely surprised. It's a pain that Rowling clearly wants to prove to everyone that, actually, she can so write Strong Female Characters, but she has no idea how to do it, so she just shoehorns this useless character into places where she needn't be. Cedric Diggory did more for the plot in book four and he was bumped off at the end. Why wasn't Tonks killed? [/bloodthirst]

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Rowling clearly wants to prove to everyone that, actually, she can so write Strong Female Characters

Love the part later where Ginny's all 'I don't need no MAN to help me through doors!' OMG, Rowling, that's exactly what feminists are like, you got us! Lucky for Ginny that she'll be with Harry, who'll just slam it in her face when she pisses him off.

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

A theory that drives me crazy not because it wouldn't be more interesting to have something other than lovesickness going on with Tonks, but because people are acting like it's actually got evidence in canon beyond "I want it to be this way."

To each one's own, I suppose.

I can only speak for myself when I say I'm not actually that arsed if Tonks is Tonks or some other member of the Black family in disguise. It makes sense to me that a dysfunctional, dying family of rank would interact in a dysfunctional, elitist way under pressure – making use of a lesser-ranked family member to serve a higher-ranked one undergoing a crisis – but that's my interest in Greek Drama coming to the fore, I guess. I'm not deeply invested in being "right" about the subject, but perhaps other people you've come across are.

I'd think Tonks' lack of metamorphosis at those moments when she has close proximity to Draco is more the reason why those who like the Polyjuice or Imperius theories feel they make sense than "the fact that her hair is wet after standing in the sleet"... but then again, I only speak for myself. I'm clearly looking for sense where there IS none, and having fun in the process. :)

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

Where James used to randomly hex people, apparently. (Not that Harry's a bully!)

Oh, but nor was James. Just youthful and exuberant. Really :/

No intellectual curiousity. Of course, I wouldn't expect there to be, but then if you listen to fandom/JKR, Harry's a super-genius who's just too cool for school.

Harry is just naturally talented, what with his super-smrt Patronus casting and all. He doesn't need to listen or improve himself! He's delightful as he is.

I thought Harry hated attention, anyway?

He likes attention if it's from the headmaster. Or if it's for doing something supa-cool like incapacitating someone who can't fight back, as you say (he's all heart, that one). Or for doing something dull with leathery balls on a broomstick. But that's different. I think what we mean to say is that he hates attention of the wrong sort, ie from the scary girls like Romilda Vane who probably wears too much eyeliner and shoes with heels! Or from boys like Neville, which might make Harry look a bit like he's friends with those people.

Love how the boys immediately whitewash that

Ron's ultimate loyalty results in "Harry's super-speshul dad couldn't possibly have done anything maliciously" (and to be fair, he wouldn't want to get a Harry-tantrum going by not offering his unswerving support) and Harry's reaction is "I'M NOT HERE PLZ CHANGE THE SUBJECT RON PLZ" At least, I assume that's what it was.

Yeah, JKR really doesn't do a fantastic job of convincing us why the Trio can't be DEs.

Well, no. Except for them just being naturally good and sweet (although if Crabbe had ruined Harry's socks - which were no doubt painstakingly knitted by Dobby to give as a slightly stalkerish gift - there would be hell!). There are some very tentative steps towards suggesting that Harry is not immune to the lure of Bad Spells, but it's all a bit wishy-washy (thought: my Percy-fic that's brewing could involve mad!evil!Harry)

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

OMG, Harry's such an alpha male!

He certainly knows the right response in all stressful situations. If in doubt, smack someone about!

Of course, McG is but a feeble woman, with the attendant trait of not intuitively sensing that Harry is Always Right.

One wonders if McGonnagal was ever in on any of the more sensitive parts of the Dumbledore mission. Or the fact that he was clearly dying anyway, or any of it at all. The fact that he confides in Harry rather than his next-in-seniority puts another nail in the coffin of his teaching and organising skills. So professional! It may be unkind to say so, but perhaps we should be thankful Rowling never thought to get as far as head of any school she taught at.

'Since when has Malfoy been one of the world's greatest thinkers?'

:D Bless him, he just wades right in there, doesn't he?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm sure you're right there. The idea of Tonks being used that way does work from that angle, definitely.

It just drives me crazy when people start arguing backwards, which they always seem to do with any theory. If one is actually trying to argue that JKR wrote that Tonks in HBP was really Draco (meaning that in the next book we're going to find this out and it will be part of the story), for it to be at all convincing you can't argue the way that post argues it. Which is basically to say that arbitrarily, Tonks can't be crying in front of Harry, can't care that much about Remus to show up at Hogwarts, can't ask Harry if he's heard from Remus in a roundabout way, can't have wet hair when standing outside in the sleet, therefore if she does any of these things, it's a hint that she's this other person, who is then also re-written to fit this idea. Some of the op's responses are then turning it around, as if it's the job of other people to prove this theory couldn't be true, instead of the other way around.

[merenwen-81.livejournal.com]

Considering Remus drinks wine from a silver goblet in OotP, I don't think silver hurts werewolves in HP verse. You also never hear anyone say anything about werewolves and silver.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

So Draco/Remus is canon?
...Interesting.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Now THAT'S the best reason to believe that theory I've heard yet! Hurray!