HBP Chapter Twenty-Six
Jan. 23rd, 2009 09:25 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock*Harry and Dumbledore seem to have Apparated themselves into an entirely different book. Suddenly we’ve got cliffs and the sea and salty air. It’s so not the kind of place Harry usually goes. I feel like there should be tourists.
*ETA: It's not even a woods!
*Harry can’t believe the orphanage brought the kids to this place for a day trip because it looks dangerous. How Muggle of him. A wizard would probably be thinking, "Well, the jagged cliffs and the steep drop into the sea is all right, but isn’t there a sea monster that could eat them?"
*Tom’s a pretty badass magician at ten, getting two children and himself down a cliff face. Harry doesn’t seem to have much idea how to do it magically at 17.
*ETA: ::sigh:: What happened to Tom anyway?
*Dumbledore’s tale of how Tom brought the children this way just to scare them because he’s a psychopath makes you wonder why Dumbledore’s brought Harry the same way.
*I’ll bet Harry’s water-logged clothes billowed around him. Swimming in a robe must be really unpleasant.
*That is, if he's remembered Wizards wear robes.
*I honestly can’t remember where Harry stands on the swimming question at this point. I seem to remember being told he wasn’t allowed to take lessons with Dudley when he had to face the Second Task, but he seems pretty handy at it now. I guess he got confidence from that experience and therefore skill?
*Maybe this is because I just saw the movie Talk to Her, which features a version of this, but damn, Harry and Dumbledore appear to be entering a big rock vagina. No wonder it’s so cold and unwelcoming. Isn’t there a nice pillar Harry could climb instead?
*How can Dumbledore tell this is the place? It has known magic. In that way that lots of fantasy series can have things know magic but has never really been suggested in this one. Luckily I’ve read it enough in fanfic that it’s not too jarring. They’ll be untangling webs of wards in no time.
*ETA: This is one of those places where you're reminded that there's really no crossover into the adult world for Harry and the kids. We'll just assume that in the epilogue he knows all this stuff he never seems to study in school and duels at a much higher level.
*Once Harry hears that he can totally feel the magic too. Mm-hmm. Very sensitive to enchantment, is Harry. Not.
*What does magic feel like anyway, I wonder? Can Muggles feel it? (Probably only in some embarassing way that makes them look dumb.)
*Dumbledore and Harry are still in the ante-chamber, and must penetrate the inner place, where the real danger lies. It’s like the Cave of H/G metaphor! Which was totally true!
*Honestly, this is the second scary, cold, cave full of monsters that Harry’s been in while being connected to his ideal girl in some way. How many more signs from the universe does the boy need? A rain of Judy Garland records?
*Of course, both caves were made scary by the presence of handsome Tom Riddle. He’s the one that makes all this seem cold and barren! Once he’s vanquished all these dark slits and tunnels and inner places will seem cozy and warm! These are Voldemort’s obstacles, not nature-made!
*ETA: Yeah, the epilogue really is the true end of the series. Harry triumphs in the end and wins that family!
*Harry’s never seen anyone work things out like Dumbledore does here, by running fingers over things and not saying anything. Harry explains this by saying bangs and smoke are really a sign of ineptitude, but that’s not really the point, is it? We’ve seen plenty of people work magic smoothly and quietly before. What we’ve never seen is any hint of being able to work out Braille spell codes or whatever Dumbledore’s doing here. If I were Harry I’d be demanding to know exactly what discipline this was and why it wasn’t taught at Hogwarts, the only school there is.
*ETA: But then, even Patronus isn't taught at Hogwarts.
*Dumbledore apologizes for forgetting the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not that Harry has in spades does not include elementary comfort spells, so he can’t dry himself off after swimming.
*Dumbledore’s all disdainful about Tom’s password protection on his cave. "Oh, blood magic. So crude." This from a guy whose office is open to anyone with half a brain and a sweet tooth.
*ETA: Again, I'm fascinated by the show of Dumbledore being so amazingly adept at magic because like all really complicated and esoteric magic I buy it, but it's obviously fake. Based on what we've seen at Hogwarts HP magic doesn't really work that way.
*Good thing Tom didn’t use the Slytherin method, huh? Stare at the rock and say "Genocide."
*The darkness in the cave is somehow denser than normal darkness. I believe the technical term for this is "scary dark."
*Hold the phone. Harry just asked a logical question about summoning charms.
*Dumbledore wears buckled shoes? Like Ben Franklin style buckle shoes?
*ETA: Purple suits, buckle shoes, completely celibate.
*Magic always leaves traces, Dumbledore says again. Also I know the style of the kids he taught—back when I was forced to deal with non Chosen Ones at Hogwarts. Look Harry, I’ve got like one more chapter to be alive in this series and I’ve got to reveal all my highly advanced wizard powers and magical genius you’ve only heard about before I kick the bucket, so expect a lot of this.
*ETA: How naive I was then that I thought Dumbledore dying meant he had little time left to reveal himself. If only I'd known his backstory was going to eat large portions of the next book.
*ETA: Though again it's kind of interesting the way all the backstory still basically says that Dumbledore was born one of those Wizards who can do all this esoteric magic, which is why he was always amazing.
*Harry makes another logical deduction, this time about weight. Apparently any time Harry says something halfway smart he’s going to be wrong. I can see why he gives up.
*Which is probably why Harry doesn’t ask Dumbledore if there’s not some way they can fly over the water.
*Harry’s powers won’t register compared to Dumbledore’s? That sounds like a diss on the Chosen One to me. I think a fight is in order!
*ETA: On one hand the "coming of age" moment is a valid thing for magic to recognize, but otoh, it's a bit like magic just follows the same random beaurocratic rules for plot purposes as the Ministry.
*ETA: You'd think if magic recognizes things like that they should have been able to tell that the magic at Harry's house in CoS was not done by an under-aged Wizard. But then, you'd think that anyway--and besides, the Ministry wouldn't honestly investigate it anyway.
*Voldemort’s mistake, says Dumbledore, is that age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth. It’s Voldemort’s mistake because Dumbledore would never make such a mistake. Or…would he? Mwahahaha!
*ETA: Interesting line now that we know that Dumbledore will spend the rest of the book managing Harry's own hero quest from beyond the grave and that this is a good thing. The only thing Dumbledore really sees as superior in Harry is the great love in his heart...which is really just your usual "children are so innocent" romanticization of adults. I don't know whether Dumbledore misunderestimates the youth in this book but he certainly doesn't ever consider them capable of handling themselves on their own.
*Dumbledore totally gets off on Harry being freaked out by things that he can then be calm about: Yup, knew that was there. Never occurs to him to just warn Harry something's coming. Not that I can fault him too much for that. Dramatically it’s the only choice. But still, it fits his character too, and if Draco Malfoy were the Chosen One (heaven forbid) he’d be making sarcastic comments at him about it.
*Dumbledore continues to drop just enough hints at the dangers they’ll be facing to freak Harry out without calming him down. Again, I know this is dramatically good for the author, but it still says a whole lot about Dumbledore’s style. He’s all about nobody else knowing anything and letting him take care of it. Oh, you don’t have to know about the bodies under the water because I don’t think they’ll be a problem yet. So I won’t tell you what they are and what to do if I’m wrong and one jumps out at you.
*ETA: Oh man. Is that Dumbledore or what? The guy who goes to his grave clutching all the important information everybody needs to know in his cold, dead hands? (Along with the Elder Wand.)
*Dumbledore explains there’s nothing to fear in a body or in darkness. Common sense, really. It’s not like the body could be a zombie attacking you in a magical darkness with powers all its own…oh wait, YES IT COULD!
*ETA: Wasn't Voldemort supposed to be raising an Inferi army or some such in this book? Seems like that was a rumor. They're only mentioned to set up these guys, who must have been here for years.
*ETA: That would be another not!Chekov's gun.
*Harry clicks into his "Woe is me I shall never see the warmth of Hogwarts and my friends again!" At least there’s the small comfort that he didn’t have a good-bye scene with Ginny.
*Harry can’t pretend now that he isn’t scared. Well, given that he’s traveling with the Crypt Keeper, you can hardly blame him. Anyway, they finally arrive at the bird bath of doom, which appears to be filled with radioactive goo.
*The Horcrux is guarded by magic so mysterious it can only be broken through by a super genius powerful wizard mumbling and waving his hands in ways we could never understand. Too bad they didn’t use Voldemort’s Security Firm when they were trying to keep people from that Philosopher’s Stone that was protected by a series of puzzles tailored to the talents of three 11-year-olds.
*Nice little mention of Dumbledore’s "insane" need to see the good in
*ETA: Which of course Dumbledore does not possess at all. What he does have is an "insane" need to keep all the information for himself so he has all the power. So he's not going to explain to Harry how he found out about this Horcrux at all, or how to destroy it, or basically anything he would ostensibly need to know if he's going to get the rest.
*Dumbledore’s concluded he’s got to drink the Potion. Doesn’t even try getting rid of it in some other way, like pouring it out, spitting it out or vomiting it back up. Wouldn’t it be funny if Dumbledore was sort of killed by his own confidence that he couldn’t be wrong? Oh wait; he kind of was killed by that anyway.
*ETA: Not that this means that anyone shouldn't spend all of next year desperately trying to figure out what Dumbledore meant for them to do so they can follow his plans to the letter.
*Ooh. Listening to Dumbledore explain how Voldemort would want to keep someone alive for a while after they penetrated their defenses makes me really look forward to the Regulus story! How on earth did he manage to leave a note? He’s the best wizard ever!
*ETA: Oh man. How painful is that. The Regulus story turned out to be the Kind Massa Harry story.
*Harry wonders: was this why he was brought along? So he could force feed Dumbledore a Potion that would cause him unendurable pain? Well, that’s what the readers are hoping Harry, because it’s the best thing you do on this trip.
*ETA: Really he was brought along to be impressed by Dumbledore.
*Harry and Snape could have such good bitch sessions about Dumbledore if they didn’t hate each other.
*ETA: And if they both weren't Albus's bitches in the end.
*Harry asks if he couldn’t drink the Potion, which sounds all sacrificial and brave but you know, if I were in Harry’s place I’d want to be the one to drink it because I’d think Dumbledore had a far better chance of getting me out and fixing me than I had of getting out alive once Dumbledore was Potioned.
*ETA: Funny to think this could all be solved with a House Elf. And they could get one, too, just be calling for one. House Elves get added to the list of "Magic that's really too powerful to sustain the plot."
*ETA: Though I'm sure if someone suggested the idea they'd reject it on the grounds of cruelty. That's what makes them the good, rightful masters.
*Hating himself, repulsed by what he was doing...blah blah, like Snape on the Tower, right? Right.
*It’s lucky that for all Dumbledore’s horrors as a result of the Potion, he’s quite willing to drink it. What would Harry have done if he’d actually fought him?
*Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Foreshadowing of the Tower? You decide.
*ETA: Oh yeah, and the whole mystery of who Dumbledore's talking about here is his slow sister he didn't want to take care of. Which would be actually a really interesting story if I didn't hear it so many times in DH, where it really wasn't as important as people acted like it was.
*Zombies appear and Harry goes for…Sectumsempra? So I guess that bloody scene in the bathroom was just a try-out that got a little out of hand? He goes for the Dark Magic? He seems to have taken to that spell really well.
*Dumbledore comes through with a fire spell. I don’t blame Harry for forgetting what Dumbledore said about fire. Given the way it was delivered, it’s not surprising Harry wouldn’t remember it (note that I’m not claiming Harry deserves to be eaten by zombies for not retaining carelessly given instructions about them. I’M LOOKING AT YOU, HAGRID!).
*Anyway, given that Harry has forgotten fire it’s interesting to see where his own instincts take him. I’m surprised he’s not Crucio-ing, to be honest.
*ETA: LOL! Even more surprised now!
*The zombies, unfortunately, have no blood to spill. Unlike Malfoy. Mmmm. Beautiful pure blood spilling in scarlet rivers over the cracked stone floor. Totally worth a mild twinge of conscience...
*ETA: Honestly, I don't get why Harry uses Sectumsempra here. I mean, it's a perfectly good spell to use if he used it correctly, like by cutting off the zombie's arms and legs or heads so they can't come after him. But I don't really get what the spell's supposed to mean thematically. He almost killed another boy accidentally with it during a fight, so why does the author choose to have him use it here? (Since it's not like he's using it strategically the way I mentioned above.) It seems like it really is just about him adding it to his badass arsenal after trying it out successfully--like Levicorpus.
*Dumbledore says he is not worried, as he is with Harry. A bit of empty flattery given that Dumbledore just saved Harry’s arse with the Inferi after Harry panicked. If he wasn’t such a consistently smarmy git when it comes to Harry I’d think Dumbledore was being sarcastic.
*And yeah, I got the turnaround from their first conversation where Harry had nothing to worry about since he was with Dumbledore. As if now Harry's on his level. Unfortunately Harry hasn't earned this reversal at all in this book. He spent it lying his way through class, punking people in halls and getting up his nerve to kiss Ginny. There's no change in their relative positions at all. Harry's still following along, gormlessly watching Dumbledore take care of stuff.
*ETA: Which in his world is being an adult. His final test is just proving he'll stay that way even after Dumbledore's dead.
The Cricket Rule
Day-for-Night
Oh, you know these got a big workout.
IITS
Is there a reason we’ve Apparated halfway down a cliff? It looks cool? Okay, that’ll have to do. Mis-en-scene is important.
Informed Attributes
I am not worried, Harry. I am with you. But more importantly, the danger has passed.
James Bond Exposition Rule
You see, Harry, the green goo can’t be immediately fatal, because Voldemort would need the person to stay alive long enough so he could track him down and meticulously reveal his master plan before leaving him to die alone.
Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
And then Dumbledore found the entrance to the cave by moving his fingers around mysteriously and being an old man with a white beard. Make up your own magical physics to explain what the hell he’s doing.
Final score: 4
Slytherin Liquid count: Swimming, boats, a dark lake, glowing green goo, wet and shivering!Harry, Potion of Bad Dreams and finally, nasty bloodless lake zombies driven away by good clean fire!
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Part One of Worst. Horcrux Trap. Ever.
Date: 2009-01-23 05:15 pm (UTC)JKR was asked how Harry was supposed to find and destroy the Horcruxes, given that he never got any real instruction about it and she answered something like, "Harry has learned more magic than he realizes." Which is pretty funny looking back on it, because he totally hasn't. Hermione has learned more magic than Harry realizes.
The only magic that Harry ever really masters is the magic of grabbing other guys' wands. Yeah, you heard me. Incidentally, Hermione is bad at this sort of thing, which is probably why it took her and Ron longer to have kids.
*What does magic feel like anyway, I wonder? Can Muggles feel it? (Probably only in some embarassing way that makes them look dumb.)
Maybe it has something to do with DD being gay. It feels FAB-u-lous!
*Harry’s never seen anyone work things out like Dumbledore does here, by running fingers over things and not saying anything. Harry explains this by saying bangs and smoke are really a sign of ineptitude, but that’s not really the point, is it? We’ve seen plenty of people work magic smoothly and quietly before. What we’ve never seen is any hint of being able to work out Braille spell codes or whatever Dumbledore’s doing here. If I were Harry I’d be demanding to know exactly what discipline this was and why it wasn’t taught at Hogwarts, the only school there is.
I'm suddenly wondering if Snape running his fingers over the one-eye witch statue in PoA wasn't feeling traces of magic....
Someone ought to do a CSI: Hogwarts.
*ETA: Though again it's kind of interesting the way all the backstory still basically says that Dumbledore was born one of those Wizards who can do all this esoteric magic, which is why he was always amazing.
Great wizards are apparently born, not made. Which is why the Hufflepuffs, for all their hard work, will never get anywhere. Nor the Slytherins, with their ambition (which must be propped up with the totally unfair system of helping your friends and family.)
Nope. It's the Ravenclaws who are born with intelligence, and the Gryffindors who are born with courage who prosper. How dare Snape think that he could have gotten ahead by studying hard! He was no match for the naturally talented, handsome James Potter!
*Harry’s powers won’t register compared to Dumbledore’s? That sounds like a diss on the Chosen One to me. I think a fight is in order!
*ETA: On one hand the "coming of age" moment is a valid thing for magic to recognize, but otoh, it's a bit like magic just follows the same random beaurocratic rules for plot purposes as the Ministry.
Even though this turned out to be important to the Kreacher storyline, it's so very stupid. Okay, Voldemort doesn't think that other wizards would think to bring along help... but.... he also thinks that other people are expendable, and why wouldn't think other wizards would have the same view? If he could bring along an elf, so could someone else. They could also bring along a child (like he did), or a Muggle.
Lousiest. Safeguards. Ever.
*ETA: Wasn't Voldemort supposed to be raising an Inferi army or some such in this book? Seems like that was a rumor. They're only mentioned to set up these guys, who must have been here for years.
Another group that didn't show up at the final battle. Maybe Voldemort tried to bring them, but they were annoyed at being left in cave for so long and told him to sod off.
Part Two
Date: 2009-01-23 05:16 pm (UTC)And if it still didn't make zero sense. I don't see how the words he says here connect at all to the traumatic event when he, Gellert, and Aberforth were brawling. Unless he's saying Ariana's lines? "Don't hurt them, hurt me?" Doesn't that sound like something she would say, rather than DD?
If he were really re-living that moment, wouldn't it be something more like, "Stop trying to run my life you goat-loving freak!"?
*ETA: Honestly, I don't get why Harry uses Sectumsempra here. I mean, it's a perfectly good spell to use if he used it correctly, like by cutting off the zombie's arms and legs or heads so they can't come after him. But I don't really get what the spell's supposed to mean thematically. He almost killed another boy accidentally with it during a fight, so why does the author choose to have him use it here? (Since it's not like he's using it strategically the way I mentioned above.) It seems like it really is just about him adding it to his badass arsenal after trying it out successfully--like Levicorpus.
Well, that's the whole thing, isn't it? Was it all misdirection--starting with Minerva's line about DD being "too noble" to use Dark Magic? We were consistently told that Dark Magic was evil and the sign of a Dark Wizard. But the very spells that Hermione condemned as suspect in HBP she used without qualms in DH. So, it wasn't the magic that was bad, it was the person who invented the spell (a person she had every reason to think the worst of in DH).
One would think that JKR was making a very sophisticated point about the hypocrisy of our world. It's torture if someone does it to our people, but it's merely enhanced interrogation if we do it to those evil people we captured. But it doesn't come off as irony. It comes off as self-serving as.... well, you know who.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 07:28 pm (UTC)***Not just the youth...he doesn't believe anyone in the British wizworld capable of handling anything on their own.
Re: Part One of Worst. Horcrux Trap. Ever.
Date: 2009-01-23 07:32 pm (UTC)***Probably why poor Harry has to rely on Suddenly Just Knowing Things. Instead of figuring things out, remember things learned in third year and half forgotten, putting one and one together from what he learned during his six years at school...
Re: Part Two
Date: 2009-01-23 07:34 pm (UTC)***Except JKR can't be sophisticated to save her life. Nothing wrong with that, really, but I suspect she thinks she can be.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 09:03 pm (UTC)One super secret bit of info about Horcruxes must be that they destroy your mind together with your soul. You joked in one of the previous recaps about Snape creating zombie!Draco after Sectumsempra, are we sure it's not what happens in the process of creating a Horcrux?
I have read a collection of short stories of various authors about immortality. (Unfortunately, can't find the book's name now, but it was very interesting). Iirc, one of sf stories (may be even in another book) told a story about a society, in which at certain age everybody goes through a major brain surgery so that to remain young forever. The main character is afraid the surgery will kill him - that the person after it will look like him & talk like him, but won't be him. And something similar happens. After the surgery another consciousness takes over his body. He exists yet in his body, but can't control it any longer. If creating a Horcrux meant something similar (potential immortality of somebody, who isn't you any longer), it would make sense why wizards wouldn't try that. Why destroy both your soul and your body, killing yourself before your natural end? Muggleborn and arrogant Tom wouldn't believe it, of course. He would think that if somebody looking and behaving like him continued to exist in his body, it had to be him. That he was special and wouldn't get hurt somehow. Probably he didn't have complete information either. And go through the process at 16, thus creating a monstrous caricature of himself. If the tough, intelligent 11-year-old orphan could see GoF Voldemort, whining about his followers forsaking him, he would be horrified and disgusted. That's my theory, at least.
*ETA: This is one of those places where you're reminded that there's really no crossover into the adult world for Harry and the kids. We'll just assume that in the epilogue he knows all this stuff he never seems to study in school and duels at a much higher level.
I have never thought we're supposed to assume Harry duels at a much higher level in the epilogue. Hasn't he learned everything by preparing for the tasks in GoF, leading DA in OoTF and reading HBP's textbook? Wasn't he the only O in DADA in his year? Doesn't he have the quickest reflexes after years of Quidditch, which let him escape Voldemort in GoF? What poor JKR had to do more to make you believe in our hero's abilities, sistermagpie? Turn him into Harry!Sue?
*ETA: But then, even Patronus isn't taught at Hogwarts.
I read theories about the evil Ministry preventing that, since it relies on Dementors to guard prisoners. Just had a thought that if that's the case, DD may not be completely opposed to the idea. Why teach Slytherins how to escape from Azkaban, where they belong?
*Good thing Tom didn’t use the Slytherin method, huh? Stare at the rock and say "Genocide."
The sad thing is that DD would have more difficulty cracking this code than doing all this complex magic he did in this chapter. It's like playing Lotto versus solving a math problem. (With DD being a brilliant mathematician, of course). Sometimes simpler is harder, Voldemort!
I don't know whether Dumbledore misunderestimates the youth in this book but he certainly doesn't ever consider them capable of handling themselves on their own.
I am sure we are supposed to understand it's all because of his tragic past - after making numerous mistakes in his youth, DD is fully committed to preventing his young charges from doing the same. He's like an anxious parent this way.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 09:12 pm (UTC)After the 2nd task, he secretly practiced when no one was looking, to the point where he's now good enough to make the swim team.
I'm flabbergasted that Dumbledore calls blood magic crude, given that he seems to be the wizarding world's expert on blood magic. Using dragon blood as an oven cleaner must be much more sophisticated. Or maybe Dumbledore specialized in an easy field that no one else had ever gotten around to because they're all dumber than sticks of wood, and so he looks like an expert by comparison.
This would have been an excellent trip for Harry to pack his broom. I would think flying across the lake would avoid that pesky zombie problem. Heck, I bet Dumbledore has one of those outlawed flying carpets in his office "just in case." This might have made it easier to get down the cliff and into the cave, too. But that would be sensible.
Good thing Tom didn’t use the Slytherin method, huh? Stare at the rock and say "Genocide."
You know what would have been hilarious? If he'd used the Ravenclaw method. And maybe a few others too. You activate the door by spattering it with blood, sure, but then you have to guess the password (let's just say it's "mellon"), and then it gives you a riddle. That would keep Harry out. (I wonder what the Hufflepuff method is? Performing some really hard task to prove your loyalty and industriousness?)
It's sad how little Harry knows by this point. It's not like learning a few extra skills would ruin everything - he's supposed to be facing exceptionally hard stuff, right? So learning a few of those advanced hiding charms and how to tell the difference between magic/not magic rock might help him a bit and smooth over some of DH's rough patches (they learned how to hide a tent from everything when?), but would still leave plenty of things he's never seen (like red-hot duplicating cups). Even learning one method to destroy Horcruxes wouldn't hurt. Okay, Dumbledore said to use the sword, but someone's hidden it! Now what?
Gah.
Re: Part Two
Date: 2009-01-23 09:20 pm (UTC)Agreed! (http://guardians-song.livejournal.com/112364.html)
Well, that's the whole thing, isn't it? Was it all misdirection--starting with Minerva's line about DD being "too noble" to use Dark Magic?
Pfft, it's the USER that determines the sign... No doubt, Albus was secretly the perfect Gryffindor, and Gellert was a Slytherin. I mean, clearly it's all very cunning to Cruciate your boyfriend's (or PRETEND BOYFRIEND'S - after all, that evil
TomGellert was just taking advantage of the crushGinnyAlbus had on him!) brother over an argument - not at all Gryffindor-ish! I mean, didn't that SLYTHERIN Hermione Granger rip open her crush's face? Wait, you mean she's NOT a Slytherin? 8O |PReally, though, take the Darkest spell you could imagine, and methinks JKR could create a situation in which her Gryffindors are PERFECTLY GEWD for using it against enemies. 'S disgusting. -_-;;
One would think that JKR was making a very sophisticated point about the hypocrisy of our world.
Only by unintentional example...
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 09:31 pm (UTC)Turning a crank for fifteen minutes.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 09:39 pm (UTC)Perhaps it would be by asking you to sacrifice a friend, but if you did so, a trap would spring and kill you. Instead, you had to tell the direct way to go **** itself, and then a passage would silently open up nearby, and it would be ridiculously hard to get through, but the only true way to get in...
...Obviously, Harry would fail, due to (if he cared enough about said friend not to sacrifice him/her FTGG) being too damn lazy to get through the passage successfully.
It's sad how little Harry knows by this point. It's not like learning a few extra skills would ruin everything - he's supposed to be facing exceptionally hard stuff, right? So learning a few of those advanced hiding charms and how to tell the difference between magic/not magic rock might help him a bit and smooth over some of DH's rough patches (they learned how to hide a tent from everything when?), but would still leave plenty of things he's never seen (like red-hot duplicating cups). Even learning one method to destroy Horcruxes wouldn't hurt. Okay, Dumbledore said to use the sword, but someone's hidden it! Now what?
JKR could have had him use his apparently-gifted-with-the-absorbere wand, even. (She ripped off a fanfic for the entire imbibing-some-of-Voldemort's-essence thing, by the way. In the Sacrifices Arc, HARRY [not is wand] imbibed some of Voldemort's essence on Halloween of 1981, gifting him with Voldemort's talents - the absorbere is a magical talent that allows the user to eat magic, and is uber-rare. Harry and Voldemort share it due to said power transfer, and later, when Harry and Voldemort actually face off, Harry is described as "regurgitating" some of Voldemort's magic [after devouring it] against him. Ahem. Kind of pathetic, methinks. [Further summary here (http://community.livejournal.com/deadlyhollow/12677.html?thread=375429#t375429)) If it attacked the Horcruxes with the same golden fire that it attacked Voldemort, it would actually have had a POINT. I mean, even if it were a sign that Ariana, Tom, and Harry were more alike than Harry knew, that would have been interesting.
But no, she just ripped it off withou
t THINKING, and so we have a big FORESHADOWING SOMETHING BIG thing that she never followed up. *sigh*
This would have been an excellent trip for Harry to pack his broom. I would think flying across the lake would avoid that pesky zombie problem.
What would have been amusing is if he did so, and then the chain swung down and smacked him in the face. Perhaps that was the *true* point of the random chain - to take out any aerial assault? But no, that would have been PAINFUL for Harry and perhaps put his Quidditch-developed dodging skills to use, and we couldn't have THAT. -_-;;
This chapter was really kind of silly in retrospect, wasn't it? It COULD have been done well, but... urgh.
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Date: 2009-01-23 10:22 pm (UTC)And then Albus seizes Harry to his chest and bears them both to the ground, Harry's eyes fluttering shut and his mouth opening in a moan as Albus presses a passionate kiss to a tender spot behind his ear...
Whoops, that's not exactly the kind of book you meant, is it? :D;;
*ETA: ::sigh:: What happened to Tom anyway?
Probably weakened himself by making the Horcruxes. He could have REALLY impressed the Death Eaters in the graveyard by using his wandless compulsion instead of the fallible Imperius, but as he didn't, I think he's lost a good deal of his power.
*Dumbledore’s tale of how Tom brought the children this way just to scare them because he’s a psychopath makes you wonder why Dumbledore’s brought Harry the same way.
Heh. At times like this, swythyv's theory about madness running in the Dumbledore line looks rather plausible...
but damn, Harry and Dumbledore appear to be entering a big rock vagina. No wonder it’s so cold and unwelcoming. Isn’t there a nice pillar Harry could climb instead?
Und thot ees why Albus Dumbledore is accompanyeen' heem, you see. Harry needs some of that hot Gryffindor lovin' to keep his wand up.
*How can Dumbledore tell this is the place? It has known magic. In that way that lots of fantasy series can have things know magic but has never really been suggested in this one. Luckily I’ve read it enough in fanfic that it’s not too jarring. They’ll be untangling webs of wards in no time.
*applauds*
*What does magic feel like anyway, I wonder? Can Muggles feel it? (Probably only in some embarassing way that makes them look dumb.)
Oh, Harry's only shivering because it's VOLDEMORT'S evil, calm, Slytherin magic. Were it young!Tom's, Bellatrix's, Gellert's, Sirius's, Ginny's, or even Ariana's wild magic, Harry'd be panting and shuddering with pleasure. (...He really is turned on by wild, somewhat Dark wizards and witches. At least JKR's consistent with his tastes, I guess?)
*Dumbledore and Harry are still in the ante-chamber, and must penetrate the inner place
Just remember to use protection and lube, you two.
*ETA: Though again it's kind of interesting the way all the backstory still basically says that Dumbledore was born one of those Wizards who can do all this esoteric magic, which is why he was always amazing.
And
ArianaTomHarry wasmade by bullying intoborn one of thosemadmageswizards who can perform ridiculously powerful magic without quite knowing what they're doingand have fits of rage, moments of complete disconnection with reality, and general creepiness.*Dumbledore totally gets off on Harry being freaked out by things that he can then be calm about: Yup, knew that was there. Never occurs to him to just warn Harry something's coming. Not that I can fault him too much for that. Dramatically it’s the only choice. But still, it fits his character too, and if Draco Malfoy were the Chosen One (heaven forbid) he’d be making sarcastic comments at him about it.
Or Ron, who'd probably storm out due to this all being an exercise in Contrived Dramatic Tension.
*Dumbledore continues to drop just enough hints at the dangers they’ll be facing to freak Harry out without calming him down. Again, I know this is dramatically good for the author, but it still says a whole lot about Dumbledore’s style. He’s all about nobody else knowing anything and letting him take care of it. Oh, you don’t have to know about the bodies under the water because I don’t think they’ll be a problem yet. So I won’t tell you what they are and what to do if I’m wrong and one jumps out at you.
Ah, Smug-Bastard!Albus. I kind of like him as a bastard.
The problem is, I think JKR actually MEANS to write him as a craven creep (though she thinks he's just COMPASSIONATE but CLEVER) whose high point of emotional strength was when he was being OOTP!Harry-like at seventeen. Which... argh.
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Date: 2009-01-23 10:23 pm (UTC)No, all the super genius powerful wizard could do was determine what DIDN'T work. Which... is not all that impressive, since three 11-year-olds could have figured it out through trial-and-error themselves.
*ETA: And if they both weren't Albus's bitches in the end.
Heh. In a fanfic, I can just imagine Harry being the stupidly-loving, moaning bottom, while Snape is the protesting-yet-secretly-liking it one.
And now I think I need bleach.
*ETA: Oh yeah, and the whole mystery of who Dumbledore's talking about here is his slow sister he didn't want to take care of.
And yet he, if you believe Harry, though Gellert was hurting BOTH Aberforth and Ariana, oh, and at one point hallucinated he was "surrounded by [...] tormentors".
Yes, because ALBUS is the one who was once surrounded by tormentors, right? And because the brothers Dumbledore KNEW Gellert hurt Ariana, right?
Gad, Harry is SO thickheaded.
(My original theory when I read this was that Dumbledore was being forced to watch Tom torture Dennis Bishop and Amy Benson, and, being a compassionate person, was horrified at what he saw and begging the vision-Tom to not hurt the children. ...I was a canon-fanatic back then, what can I say.)
*Anyway, given that Harry has forgotten fire it’s interesting to see where his own instincts take him. I’m surprised he’s not Crucio-ing, to be honest.
Serious question - where did Confringo come from? I remember seeing it in DH and being surprised, because I'd never heard of it and it seemed like it should have gotten more use before (and in DH itself, to be honest). Surely the Blasting Curse would have come in handy here, if anywhere? Zombies go boom?
James Bond Exposition Rule
You see, Harry, the green goo can’t be immediately fatal, because Voldemort would need the person to stay alive long enough so he could track him down and meticulously reveal his master plan before leaving him to die alone.
Which doesn't even work, as we saw with Regulus, because Regulus died very soon afterwards and without Voldemort EVER showing up.
Great snark, absurd chapter. Looking forward to the next one!
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Date: 2009-01-23 10:49 pm (UTC)Harry and Dumbledore seem to have Apparated themselves into an entirely different book.
Of course they have, it's LotR, the Mellon scene, immediately followed by the ripped-off Dead Marshes. Also: “It has known magic.”- clearly those are Legolas' lines. And the sudden shift in the way magic is described would also fit better into Middle earth.
I honestly think Rowling just couldn't come up with any ideas of her own for this scene and thus ripped off other stories - it FEELS different, like an insert by some Medival monk in an ancient text or something.
Dumbledore apologizes for forgetting the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not that Harry has in spades does not include elementary comfort spells, so he can’t dry himself off after swimming.
Not quite. I suppose as a gay man he had forgotten these are spells a good man has a wifey for. So, of course it's natural, they should be performed by a gay man for a straight man...
Dumbledore’s all disdainful about Tom’s password protection on his cave. "Oh, blood magic. So crude." This from a guy whose office is open to anyone with half a brain and a sweet tooth.
Above all, this from the guy who relied on blood magic for 16 years now to protect his one and only saviour of the wizarding world!
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Date: 2009-01-23 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 12:27 am (UTC)***And isn't there nineteen years between the Battle of Hogwarts and the Crapilogue? Free from having his creator breathing down his neck, he might actually have learned something.
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Date: 2009-01-24 12:33 am (UTC)It's sad how little Harry knows by this point. It's not like learning a few extra skills would ruin everything - he's supposed to be facing exceptionally hard stuff, right?
***It should be taught in class from year five or six. To everyone. As well how to de-code a spell to see what it did instead of trying it out on more or less innocent bystanders. Knowing the wizworlds they students would probably have to try it out on each other in class. But then they'd be certain to have a teacher handy.
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Date: 2009-01-24 12:36 am (UTC)***No, you Apparated to a Fan Fic by mistake. (Mistake?)
Re: Part One of Worst. Horcrux Trap. Ever.
Date: 2009-01-24 12:43 am (UTC)That is pretty funny. He really hasn't learned more magic than he realizes. At all. Really, how could he have?
He was no match for the naturally talented, handsome James Potter!
That reminds me of a lot of Quidditch discussions in the past--actually, the very first HP discussion I got into was on FA and it was about whether or not Draco bought his way onto the team. Anyway, what was interesting was there was a strong argument that even if Draco could fly well and play well it was only because he'd had lessons and so learned and practiced. As opposed to Harry who got into his broom and could literally magically fly as if he'd had lessons and practiced.
So hard work made Draco the unworthy flyer next to the person born with it. Which is a really bizarre idea to me. It's kind of a throwback to the "art that conceals art" concept of nobility. Harry's flying was literally a sign of his good blood and that gave him more right to be on the team and to the title of good flier. Draco was like the uppity poseur who tried to work his way in.
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Date: 2009-01-24 12:43 am (UTC)***You and me both...but when it comes to DD,Harry is still eleven years old. He's in good company, so are the rest of the wizworld. I'm more and more impressed by Lily&James denying DD for a secret keeper, choosing a trusted friend instead. (Bet DD knew the spy was Peter but kept it to himself.)
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Date: 2009-01-24 12:45 am (UTC)***He didn't say the next sentence out loud: "I could have done them twice as good."
Re: Part Two
Date: 2009-01-24 12:45 am (UTC)That would have been awesome!
Yeah, I definitely don't get that it's supposed to be hypocrisy. I mean, she was called on it regarding the use of Crucio and "He's never been a saint!" doesn't sound like she's congratulating the person on picking up on the hypocrisy angle. (She is usually pretty open about congratulating people on things like that. That sounded more like just being defensive of Harry getting to show he's a badass so we know how noble he is when he isn't Crucioing people.)
Re: Part Two
Date: 2009-01-24 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 12:48 am (UTC)It's true! He made his mistakes so we don't have to. Maybe that's why there are no gay students at Hogwarts as far as we know!
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Date: 2009-01-24 12:50 am (UTC)Maybe it's just a lock and key. Or else they let in people that they know are in the house--it's not like there's that many of them!
It is funny that Dumbledore never gives Harry any clue whatsoever about how to destroy Horcruxes. Plotwise it makes sense because she was saving it for DH, but it's really hard to defend. It's not like there was something horrible there that he was putting off. You'd think he would have collected the stuff Harry needed and willed that to him instead of that silly book. Like the sword, some basilisk teeth--or maybe also a list of things that destroy Horcruxes perhaps?