HBP Chapter Twenty-Nine
Feb. 13th, 2009 10:45 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock*"C’mere, Harry…" Oh good lord, have I just stumbled into some sick Hagrid/Harry hurt/comfort??!!
*Harry did not want to leave Dumbledore’s side. Until he realized he couldn’t shut himself away or crack up because Dumbledore wouldn’t want that. Life’s too short.
*How much you want to bet Dumbledore gets far more grief from Harry than Sirius did in Book VII? After all, Sirius seemed to want Harry to live for himself and never demanded total personal loyalty. You snooze you lose, Sirius!
*ETA: You know, even writing that the first time I never would have predicted the amount of "grief" Dumbledore would get. The second he dies, we can't get rid of him.
*ETA: I put "grief" in quotes because I don't know whether Harry's postumously getting all insecure, demanding and judgy really fits the term, but presumably that's what it's supposed to be.
*Harry’s pulled away from the corpse only by Ginny’s glittery, flowery-scented hoo-ha, particularly pungent now that she’s sweating from a battle. Or maybe it’s her Bonne Bell Dr. Pepper flavored lip gloss.
*People are sobbing and wailing all over the place. Based on Ginny’s reaction to Ollivander’s disappearance I’d guess they’re yelling things like, "But who will give our opening speeches each year?"
*Of course most of the student body is just trying to remember what Dumbledore looked like, so little had they to do with him over the years.
*Who else is dead? Don’t worry, none of us says Ginny, which pretty much sums up the Gryffindor credo right there.
*Madam Pomfrey says Bill won’t look the same anymore. Why, of course not! He’ll have those scars every Gryffindor covets!
*ETA: Err...I mean, he will be scarred forever by the horrors of war, that is horrible, and will be described unflinchingly in the next book.
*Ginny says if they’d hadn’t had the FF they would have died, but as it was everything just missed them. Which probably means the FF will never be used again.
*ETA: Called it. What fun is war if you can't pretend the only thing the good guys have to fear is the author considering them expendable and wanting to show us Death iz srs bznss.
*LOL! I had completely forgotten that Harry has one more thought about Sectumsempra here, where he remembers how easily Snape had mended Malfoy’s cuts with his wand. I assume Harry’s being resentful about that and not thinking how Snape really was a useful guy to have around.
*ETA: So as usual Harry's having one of his endless thinks about how death is so completely irreversible, right before we're reminded that in this universe death is pretty damned reversible.
*Ron starts talking about Dumbledore owing somebody something—ooh, better be careful Ron. A little more of that kind of talk and you’ll be branded one of the Slytherfen!
*ETA: How did we not see Ron's terribly suspenseful flirtation with
*Lupin’s just hearing Dumbledore’s dead now? What as all the wailing about earlier if it’s not widely known? Oh—probably everyone was upset about those Gryffindor rubies all over the floor.
*ETA: LOL! I really shouldn't blame Lupin here. I didn't realize he was dead in DH for many pages. Harry said he and Tonks looked like they were asleep and I figured they were. Well, okay, I figured Lupin might be feigning sleep so he wouldn't have to have sex with Tonks.
*Harry’s never seen Lupin lose control before,
*ETA:How pathetic is it to now realize that Lupin is so upset because the good guys' entire battle plan for war relies on Dumbledore telling them what to do and when, so now they can't possibly win?
*ETA:Props to Lupin for having a moment of trying to do something logical in the next book by helping the three kids win the war, before being lectured by the head stupid kid that that kind of thinking is just cowardice.
*I love Ron’s groan when Harry says Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore. It’s just much better than Hermione’s fake hand-to-the-mouth expression of "who could ever have seen that coming?"
*ETA: Perhaps Ron's groaning because he realizes that's the Big Important Twist of the Whole Series and lo, it is lame.
*The phoenix starts to sing. Don’t suppose it might deign to come and cry on Bill at all, will it?
*Nah. Grief for Dumbledore has to be turned into the most beautiful song ever, unlike, you know, the more "realistic" grief Sirius would have wanted.
*ETA: Wah! The closeted control freak is dead! Who will lie and condescend to us and make incredibly stupid plans that shouldn't have any hope of working now?
*ETA: Well, at least he died without anyone finding out he was gay. Because that's totally not part of who he was.
*McGonagall rocks just for coming in and shutting Fawkes off. OMG ESE!McGonagall! Is she wearing green?
*ETA: ::sigh:: I miss ESE!McGonagall.
*The adults in this scene continue to look incredibly dumb, seeming to reveal that yes, all this time they’ve had no idea why they were defending Snape and just trusted Dumbledore like he was Santa.
*ETA: Yes, turns out "Dumbledore is Santa" was pretty much the whole game plan for winning the war. Without him they just have to fall back on plan B: Harry is Jesus.
*In fact, they probably had this exact same reaction when Sirius was revealed as a traitor. And when Peter was revealed as a traitor. If Molly Weasley turned out to be a DE they’d have the same reaction.
*ETA: Again, props to Lupin in DH for trying to interject some kind of interesting war story but suggesting they could have a traitor in their midst. Too bad he was doomed to failure there. What would a traitor even do to mess things up? Undermine the good side's plans by encouraging them to actually do something?
*And of course since they just trusted Dumbledore they’ve no logical way of thinking about something else that might be going on with Snape. Suddenly everybody’s talking about the guy who’s saved their lives in the past like they always thought he was a total DE only they figured Dumbledore had some bit of info that said he wasn’t and he just never saw any reason to share it.
*ETA: Luckily as it turns out Snape being a DE isn't much of a big deal at all next year. Which kind of shows how it was never a big deal before then either. It's not like anybody's all "But if Snape was a traitor that means all our networks and plans are compromised!"
*Harry helpfully puts in his own completely fabricated story about how Dumbledore’s reason for trusting Snape was that he pretended to feel bad about the Prophecy.
*ETA: Again, luckily nobody cares why, how, or what Snape did as a traitor after this book. After the "Huh. Imagine that" reaction there's nothing else to say.
*Now that it suits his purposes to care that Snape called Lily a Mudblood, Harry remembers Snape called Lily a Mudblood. He’s so sensitive to fictional racial injustice!
*Actually, that’s probably brought up to lay the foundation of whatever Snape/Lily story we get in Book VII: I Called My Love a Mudblood… (sung to the tune of I Gave My Love a Cherry…)
*ETA: Oh, man. Called that one!
*Nobody asks Harry how he knew Snape called Lily a Mudblood. Which is an odd little moment because Snape could have called her a Mudblood to Harry. Unless they all know that Snape only called her that that one time. And anyway, Lupin knows about the Pensieve trip.
*Lupin reminds everyone how glad they were that Snape was on the way. While at the same time never really trusting him at all.
*Harry’s all wanting details of Snape’s bad acts to feed his hatred. He can’t wait to start writing his imaginative 18-part History of Snape on Bad Penny, with the Order providing research. ("He didn’t stay for dinner at Grimmauld Place that time!")
*ETA: Actually, Harry does not have the attention span for a fandom grudge. Give him a few weeks and he'll be totally over Snape and checking Dumbledore's ISPs for sock puppetry.
*Let’s take a moment to thank god it’s Harry who was right about the Cabinet and not Hermione, who would die of smug about now.
*Ginny refers to Malfoy’s Hand of Glory as an awful shriveled arm because it’s really repulsive, unlike snot in all its wondrous forms.
*Ron reminds us the arm is called the Hand of Glory and that it is Malfoy’s. He neglects to remind us that last he knew, the arm wasn't Malfoy's at all.
*I’m going to fanwank this bit by saying that after not buying the hand for Draco in CoS Lucius told Draco that he could earn the money for it himself by cutting the grass and doing other chores around the Manor, but only if he got good grades. So Draco worked very hard and got the money, and the hand was always that much more valuable to him because he had earned it. The end.
*ETA: Still like that story.
*Ginny gets to the Peruvian Darkness Powder bit and Ron says he’ll have a talk to Fred and George about who buys their products. Funny he had no comments about the Vanishing Cabinet secret the Twins provided with the Trio’s blessing.
*Btw, I’m sure the Twins will totally take Ron’s talk into consideration and stop selling dangerous products that make them a lot of money.
*ETA: Or even better, the fact that they sell products to Death Eaters won't actually mean anything because once the war starts there will be no need for weapons.
*Ginny says they didn’t dare use any curses in case they hit each other in the dark. Nice of Malfoy not to use any curses on these guys, wasn’t it, since he could see them? I don’t think I’d have been able to resist throwing a bat bogey at Ginny.
*You can tell Ginny’s upset. She forgot to say "counter-curses."
*Draco used up that Darkness Powder pretty fast, didn’t he? More proof the kid doesn’t have a lot of money to throw around, rich or not!
*Snape so protected Flitwick. Go Snape.
*And presumably that was a bit of luck for Hermione that they let Snape go, since she had taken the Luck Potion—unless JKR forgot about that.
*Does anybody else notice that Lupin has said "It’s not your fault" about 12 times? It’s just what he would say, but I love him for it, trying to head off the Gryffindor rending of garments and concentrate on what can be done.
*ETA: God, poor Lupin. The man's trying to think of what can be done to get rid of Voldemort. Give it up now, Lupin, and move to Tahiti.
*Though he’s of course not above sticking in a little "Snape would have killed you if you’d stood in his way. Just take my word for it." Cause Snape was just killing people right and left tonight.
*And the Order was indeed losing to the second-string DEs.
*Ginny says she saw Snape but then had to duck as a hex just missed her and she dropped gracefully to the floor, her red hair flashing like a flame…
*McGonagall says Snape must have known a spell they didn’t. Oh, Minerva. You could probably fill a book with spells Snape knows and you don’t.
*ETA: Also with spells that will be made up on the spot to get Harry out of danger. Wands work on their own for no reason whatsoever? Why not?
*Everyone thought Malfoy was being chased by DEs even though they’d been told he led the DEs in?
*Molly, Arthur and Fleur arrive to see Bill. True to form, everyone acts like Fleur has no business being there. I can’t imagine why she’s snooty to these people.
*Bill’s a unique case—meaning they haven’t yet determined just how cool his condition will be.
*ETA: Like any brave, scarred warrior, Bill will spend the rest of the war snug in his cottage with his wife.
*Ginny’s looking at Fleur with narrowed eyes, both hoping that she rejects Bill now that he’s scarred, and looking forward to judging her for it.
*Boy, it doesn’t get much ruder than that "going to be married" comment right in front of Fleur! Well done, Molly! Are you related to the Longbottoms by any chance?
*And then Molly even helpfully explains to Fleur that of course she didn’t mean Bill would stop loving Fleur. She meant Fleur was a shallow idiot who would dump him because of his looks. Um, Molly? You might want to have stuck with the first story. Fleur was giving you the benefit of the doubt there.
*I do kind of love the way Molly’s incapable of loving truly selflessly, like the way she’s always aware of what she wants everybody to do to make her happy. She’s like Homer Simpson, in a way.
*Molly and Fleur make up while Ginny’s own bitchiness towards Fleur magically disappears just at the moment she might have to be wrong.
*ETA: Awww. I can practically see Fleur in her apron now, bravely doing the dishes for the war effort next year.
*Not to be outdone, Tonks matches Fleur’s Gallic pride with some Black melodrama, throwing herself on Lupin, who gives in because there are a lot of people around providing peer pressure. *Sends Tonks a copy of "The Rules" and "He’s Just Not That Into You"*
*I’m going to assume Tonks did the proposing here.
*ETA: I'm going to assume Tonks did more than that. What a wretched couple.
*Harry figures out the whole Remus/Tonks plot, which actually seems a bit much for Harry to figure out, knowing Harry, but better than having Hermione explain it.
*ETA: Though nobody ever figures out that Remus really doesn't want to be married to her. Seems obvious to me, but then I don't have Harry's amazing power of love.
*You know, I’ve never thought Remus/Sirius was the least bit canon or that Remus wasn’t straight, but Remus has never seemed so gay as he seems in this scene. In a book where love is personified as a chest monster leaping out to devour the beloved, the guy needs a roomful of people to finally agree to go out with the girl throwing herself at him.
*ETA: I stand corrected. Remus will seem incredibly gayer in DH.
*I mean, knowing Remus he’s not going to come out and say that he really likes guys or just doesn’t want it enough to marry her. He would totally go on about his condition and his money. Poor guy. The one time his condition could be helpful and it won’t fly.
*Tonks is going to have to be calling this bunch around a lot every time she wants to have sex with Remus so they can peer pressure him into it.
*ETA: Luckily Harry is happy to oblige. GO BE MARRIED TO THAT GIRL OR ELSE YOU'RE A BIG COWARD!
*ETA: At least Remus got his happy ending with Sirius in the end. No girls in the afterlife except Lily!
*Hagrid appears, slightly less maudlin than he was when his killer spider died.
*Slughorn’s going to represent Slytherin as Head of House. For his first act as HoH all Slytherin boys should come to his office for a special chat. Then he’ll change the password to "Not as good as Gryffindor."
*LOL! Harry thinks Dumbledore’s office will have gone emo on him, and that Dumbledore might be lying there. Yeah, that’s totally where McGonagall would take you to talk, Harry. I’m sure she thinks the Corpse would make you pay attention to her more.
*ETA: Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had done that and the two of them had just sat around waiting for the corpse to say something because otherwise how will they know what to do themselves?
*Harry keeps Dumbledore’s spirit alive by refusing to tell anyone about the Horcruxes. Because there’s no way that destroying them would be a job for the crack team of adult Wizards he assembled to defeat Voldemort.
*ETA: Nope, no way at all. If you don't agree with this you ought to stop reading the series right now.
*Would be cool if McGonagall was ESE, though. That theory never quite goes away for me.
*Never stop following Dumbledore’s orders even when he’s dead. And that’s a good thing.
*ETA: It's not like he'll stop giving them after death, after all. ::sigh::
*"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn. I’d rather not think of how many times Slughorn may have ejaculated with that name, myself.
*Slughorn says he thinks he knows Snape because he taught him. Slughorn who’s never noticed Harry cheating his way through class, who has no interest in anyone beyond what they can give him, and who had a favorite in Tom Riddle. I can see why he’d be shocked this one got past his big fat spider senses.
*Slughorn’s certainly changed his tune about staying away from Hogwarts because it’s dangerous—yeah, only mothers would think Hogwarts was dangerous. Non-Gryffindor Mothers, that is.
*McGonagall says Dumbledore’s murder is more disturbing to her than Slytherin’s Muggleborn-eating monster undetected in the castle. Well, at least she’s got her priorities straight. Perhaps Draco was wrong second year. The attacks weren’t covered up, they just weren’t much important.
*They’ll consult the Board of Governors, who have never mattered whatsoever in the past. But that was when Dumbledore was alive! *sobs*
*Harry announces that if Dumbledore’s going to have a funeral at Hogwarts the students should be there so they can say good-bye. Has Harry really not noticed that most of the students have nothing to do with Dumbledore whatsoever? Well, it doesn’t matter. They should obviously be expected to grieve if Harry says so.
*In fact, it’s a very special funeral. They’re being graded on it. For gym.
*Harry’s just going to leave his cloak on the Astronomy Tower? I wouldn’t.
ETA: Ugh. Just thinking about the cloak makes me think of those stupid Hallows.
*The Fat Lady doesn’t ask for a password now the Dumbledore’s dead. What’s the point in passwords any more? Or living, really.
*Smart!Ron is waiting for Harry in the dorm. Hurray! I love Smart!Ron. And we so rarely get to see him.
*Harry doesn’t care who RAB is, and doubts he’ll ever feel curious again. Why do I feel like I’m having a déjà vu here? Oh yeah, cause this is Harry’s standard emo-reaction to the end of many books: was it only [insert random amount of time] since [something more pleasant] was happening? He didn’t care about [thing he always cares about] now. He never would care about [thing he cares about a lot] again. And then he's fine.
*Unfortunately with the whole school mourning Harry can’t think about how amazing it is that everyone else can be going on living normally while he is tormented. Jerks, ruining Harry's usual mourning metaphors. Now the author will have to grope around for something else to impress us with the utter finality and awesomeness that is death.
*ETA: I wish she'd come up with "with them like a presence" in this book. I'd like to imagine Death in his little Slytherin robes scurrying around with the other students. Of course he'd be Slytherin.
*And the Phoenix leaves since, like all truly good creatures, his loyalty begins and ends with Dumbledore personally.
*ETA: Meanwhile Dumbledore himself will stick around to dominate the next book. Ah, the finality of death. From now on Harry will never be able to talk to Dumbledore again outside of portraits, visions and train stations.
Atomic Grenade
Whatever spells that DE was just throwing around, it destroyed the castle.
Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
But Lupin had been told Malfoy let the DEs in, hadn’t he?
Idiot World
What do we do now that the old guy in the beard is dead? How will we know who’s good and who’s bad? I guess we’ll just keep following the orders he gave us when he was alive.
Informed Attributes
Geez, even I’m embarrassed by Lupin’s loss of control. Not to mention the obvious passion between lovers Lupin and Tonks. Get a room you two, will ya?
Misdirected Answering
Finally! The mystery of Tonks’ hair color is solved!
Selling Wood
Everybody’s pushing it in this chapter.
Final score: 6
Slytherin liquid count: Gryffindor rubies like blood on the floor, tears, tears and more tears, with grief turned into a song. Blood for Bill, though he’s treated with ointment, not Potion.
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Date: 2009-02-13 05:50 pm (UTC)If only. But hurt/comfort doesn't really work with Hagrid. At least, when Hagrid is hurting, Harry's usually only thinking about how he can get away as soon as possible.
*Who else is dead? Don’t worry, none of us says Ginny, which pretty much sums up the Gryffindor credo right there.
Yeah. Meanwhile, Draco is probably freaking out because someone on the other side got mauled by Fenrir. Not that Snape cares, of course. He no longer has any reason to care about Draco. Not like he ever felt any affection for Draco or his parents.
*Ginny says if they’d hadn’t had the FF they would have died, but as it was everything just missed them. Which probably means the FF will never be used again.
*ETA: Called it. What fun is war if you can't pretend the only thing the good guys have to fear is the author considering them expendable and wanting to show us Death iz srs bznss.
Yeah. It's not like Slughorn hadn't brewed up an entire cauldronful of the stuff earlier in the year.
*Ron starts talking about Dumbledore owing somebody something—ooh, better be careful Ron. A little more of that kind of talk and you’ll be branded one of the Slytherfen!
*ETA: How did we not see Ron's terribly suspenseful flirtation with thinking the universe could revolve around something other than Harry cowardice and treason in the next book?
I remember when I first read HBP, thinking that this was an odd thing, un-Weasley-like thing for Ron to say. Why would he expect anything from Dumbledore in return for the sacrifices his family made?
*The phoenix starts to sing. Don’t suppose it might deign to come and cry on Bill at all, will it?
Of course not. It only cries on Harry. Ron's moment of thinking Dumbledore owed his brother something ruined that perfect loyalty that the phoenix responds to.
*ETA: ::sigh:: I miss ESE!McGonagall.
Me, too. That was the best crack theory ever.
*ETA: Luckily as it turns out Snape being a DE isn't much of a big deal at all next year. Which kind of shows how it was never a big deal before then either. It's not like anybody's all "But if Snape was a traitor that means all our networks and plans are compromised!"
But they totally took care of that by setting up dust Dumbledore in headquarters!
*Harry helpfully puts in his own completely fabricated story about how Dumbledore’s reason for trusting Snape was that he pretended to feel bad about the Prophecy.
You know, this would have been a good point for Lupin to mention that Snape was "greedily" in love with Lily. Can't imagine how that slipped his mind. Maybe because he's desperately trying to think of a way to avoid having sex with Tonks...
*Now that it suits his purposes to care that Snape called Lily a Mudblood, Harry remembers Snape called Lily a Mudblood. He’s so sensitive to fictional racial injustice!
*Actually, that’s probably brought up to lay the foundation of whatever Snape/Lily story we get in Book VII: I Called My Love a Mudblood… (sung to the tune of I Gave My Love a Cherry…)
I called my love a Mudblood and she got mad
I had a love for Dark Arts and that was bad
The Dark Lord killed my Lily and I was sad
I ask for help from Albus and I got had…..
How can your love get angry for one rash word?
What makes the Dark Arts evil? We haven’t heard.
Why did he kill my Lily? The motive’s blurred…
Why did that Albus trust me? It’s so absurd!
One word reveals my nature—her anger’s hot.
It’s evil cause folks say so—that’s all we’ve got.
He killed because he’s stupid, while I am not.
Except that I’m still in this ridiculous plot!
no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 06:23 pm (UTC)***Of course he couldn't mention that - it would ruin The Holy Plot Point. In RL, he wouldn't need to, everyone in the British wizworld would know about it, and Harry would have learned in his first year.
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Date: 2009-02-13 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:23 pm (UTC)lol. Dustledore? Aldust? Hopefully Snape will see it and think, oh dear, this isn't number 12, it's some sort of ghost train. Or he'll think, that's unimaginably pathetic - probably to lull me into a false sense of security.
Of course not. It only cries on Harry. Ron's moment of thinking Dumbledore owed his brother something ruined that perfect loyalty that the phoenix responds to.
I love the way DD is set up to be like God, and we must have perfect faith in his Ultimate Power and his Divine Plan. He is The Only One The Evil One Fears. Except he's just some guy. This is probably the most genuinely blasphemous part of HP (along with Harry the whiny, lazy, ignorant, stupid Divine Loving Saviour), but of course the Christian right ignores the deeper implications of this to say instead "majicks r teh gheyy!"
no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 02:38 am (UTC)To do hurt/comfort you kind of need to have a caring person and a stoic person. Here we've got Hagrid a big suck of attention and Harry who's kind of also a big suck of attention.
Yeah. It's not like Slughorn hadn't brewed up an entire cauldronful of the stuff earlier in the year.
You'd think at least Slughorn himself would have just downed it at the end.
YOUR SONG IS MADE OF WIN!
no subject
Date: 2009-02-16 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 05:50 pm (UTC)Just wands. Which nobody can get because there's apparently only one wand maker left in the world and, even
if you were keeping him in your basement, he still wouldn't be able to make you a wand. Which makes me wonder--whose wand was Bellatrix using in that final DH battle?
*Does anybody else notice that Lupin has said "It’s not your fault" about 12 times? It’s just what he would say, but I love him for it, trying to head off the Gryffindor rending of garments and concentrate on what can be done.
This is what makes Lupin such a better teacher than Snape. Snape would be totally, "He came out and you didn't think of using a Petrificus Totalis? Idiot girl!"
*ETA: God, poor Lupin. The man's trying to think of what can be done to get rid of Voldemort. Give it up now, Lupin, and move to Tahiti.
I'm sure there's a few Snupin fics in which he and Snape do just that.
*And the Order was indeed losing to the second-string DEs.
Seriously. That was one sorry bunch of DEs that Draco recruited. And yet, miraculously, they managed to outwit, outplay, and outlast the best of the Order!
*Ginny says she saw Snape but then had to duck as a hex just missed her and she dropped gracefully to the floor, her red hair flashing like a flame…
As Snape experiences a PTSD flashback when he sees another spunky redhead nearly getting killed!
*I’m going to assume Tonks did the proposing here.
*ETA: I'm going to assume Tonks did more than that. What a wretched couple.
Hehe. I assume you mean that Tonks slipped a love potion into his tea one night and got knocked up like Merope? Hmmm... that would make Teddy the new Dark Lord, wouldn't it? Now, how has that fic not been written?
*ETA: Though nobody ever figures out that Remus really doesn't want to be married to her. Seems obvious to me, but then I don't have Harry's amazing power of love.
Obvious to everyone. Not just you.
*ETA: Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had done that and the two of them had just sat around waiting for the corpse to say something because otherwise how will they know what to do themselves?
Hence her startled glance at Dumbledore's portrait. How is it he isn't awake and ready to give orders?
*"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn. I’d rather not think of how many times Slughorn may have ejaculated with that name, myself.
Not as many times as he did with Lily, I'm sure. Or Harry. Or Tom. I think Snape is a bit too femmy to attract Slughorn.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:20 pm (UTC)As the old Jody call puts it - "She picked up a weapon from among the dead / Aimed that sucker at some Order Member's head"
Magpie: *And the Order was indeed losing to the second-string DEs.
Montavilla: Seriously. That was one sorry bunch of DEs that Draco recruited. And yet, miraculously, they managed to outwit, outplay, and outlast the best of the Order!
So, when Lupin says they were outnumbered twenty to one, it was code for they were outclassed twenty times over?
Not as many times as he did with Lily, I'm sure. Or Harry. Or Tom. I think Snape is a bit too femmy to attract Slughorn.
Or too savvy. The rest of them eat up flattery like worms eat corpses.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:26 pm (UTC)More like Lupin realised that Harry is the only useful one on the Order's side. Or, he realised that Snape is worth a hundred Order members?
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Date: 2009-02-13 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 02:43 am (UTC)if you were keeping him in your basement, he still wouldn't be able to make you a wand. Which makes me wonder--whose wand was Bellatrix using in that final DH battle?
I guess she just yanked one out of some innocent person's hand? Honestly, the whole "isn't it neat to have your own wand" thing is totally destroyed. The only people who are allowed to have a special wand are Harry and Hermione. And Hermione's pushing it. Meanwhile Harry's wand loves him so much it jumps in when he doesn't know what to do.
Hehe. I assume you mean that Tonks slipped a love potion into his tea one night and got knocked up like Merope? Hmmm... that would make Teddy the new Dark Lord, wouldn't it? Now, how has that fic not been written?
Maybe the date rape aspect is outweighed by the fact that she kept Remus from being gay and therefore evil?
no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 04:53 am (UTC)No, she married him, thus making an honest man of him and so all was well.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:11 pm (UTC)*I mean, knowing Remus he’s not going to come out and say that he really likes guys or just doesn’t want it enough to marry her. He would totally go on about his condition and his money. Poor guy. The one time his condition could be helpful and it won’t fly.
How does the "money" argument make any sense? Doesn't Tonks pull in Auror money? What use is money when society is destroyed? (Answer: an excuse for Harry to be emo about something. "All the gold ... his parents' gold ... worthless ...")
btw, Rowling promises an explanation of Fortescue's disappearance in the Encyclopedia Of Not Using The Harry Potter Lexicon As A Source At All (two words, van der Ark: "copyright trap"!). I can hardly wait. Perhaps his "Flavour Which Must Not Be Named" (it's peach, cherry and coconut, by the way) was deemed disrespectful.
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Date: 2009-02-13 10:06 pm (UTC)No, of course she doesn't. In Rowlingland, a man gets constitutionally disabled by signing his marriage certificate, thus unable to decide what or when to eat and when to change his socks - let alone cook or wash himself. So, you see, the woman has to do these things (as we were shown in DH with Fleur and Bill) which means she cannot earn money as well!
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Date: 2009-02-14 02:51 am (UTC)However. It feels more like one of those moments where the incredibly feminist world slips back into that nostalgic Victorian default. For some reason Tonks appears to stop work once she gets married.
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Date: 2009-02-13 08:15 pm (UTC)The whole Lupin/Tonks subplot really confuses me.
Ha, I love your story about how Draco bought the Hand of Glory. I'll accept that as my own personal canon.
Anyway, great snark!
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Date: 2009-02-14 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 02:39 pm (UTC)It makes sense, I guess, with Harry's decision, but still, it's odd.
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Date: 2009-02-13 08:21 pm (UTC)Which explains why Teddy was born presumably nine months after the wedding - the guests wouldn't leave til they heard the bed-springs sqeaking.
*ETA: At least Remus got his happy ending with Sirius in the end. No girls in the afterlife except Lily!
There's a special after-life for females other than Lily, and for Snape. Only Lily is awwwwww-sum!!!11!!1!! enough to share heaven (or the other place) with the Marauders. What'd you think they called her? Precious? Or Sparkly-Poo?
*Would be cool if McGonagall was ESE, though. That theory never quite goes away for me.
Me, either. I'd like to make her the front-witch for the real Evil Behind the Robe *drum-roll* Molly Weasley! The longer it's had time to set in, the more I actually like my originally tongue-in-cheek ESE!Weasleys.
--yeah, only mothers would think Hogwarts was dangerous. Non-Gryffindor Mothers, that is.
ah-HAH! So that's why Tonks ultimately had to die - as a Hufflepuff, she would never have allowed Teddy to go to Hogwarts, proving how utterly she mistrusted the Good That Is Dumbledore (and Harry).
*Harry doesn’t care who RAB is, and doubts he’ll ever feel curious again. Why do I feel like I’m having a déjà vu here?
If we're lucky, he'll never perk up enough to pen that memoir of the war his fans are after him to write. /sarcasm
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Date: 2009-02-13 08:28 pm (UTC)*writes fic where James, Sirius and Lily live as a menage-a-trois in the Tuileries, Paris*
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Date: 2009-02-13 08:37 pm (UTC)But, would they dance the Apache?
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Date: 2009-02-13 09:15 pm (UTC)There's a special after-life for females other than Lily, and for Snape. Only Lily is awwwwww-sum!!!11!!1!! enough to share heaven (or the other place) with the Marauders. What'd you think they called her? Precious? Or Sparkly-Poo?
This reminds me of what Corin said about Queen Lucy Pevensie in The Horse and His Boy: "She's almost as good as a man--or a boy, anyway."
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Date: 2009-02-14 02:56 am (UTC)LOL! And Remus started running right after he stopped crying in the bathroom.
There's a special after-life for females other than Lily, and for Snape. Only Lily is awwwwww-sum!!!11!!1!! enough to share heaven (or the other place) with the Marauders. What'd you think they called her? Precious? Or Sparkly-Poo?
She's Wendy and they're the Lost Boys?
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 09:26 pm (UTC)I think it was supposed to be another mysterious subplot, like the identity of HBP, more than anything else.
What would a traitor even do to mess things up? Undermine the good side's plans by encouraging them to actually do something?
Peter would wisely quietly sit in the corner and enjoy Molly's food. A spy more in Voldie's mould totally would encourage them to do something stupid and drop hints, ala Crouch Jr.
It's not like anybody's all "But if Snape was a traitor that means all our networks and plans are compromised!"
Do you refer to Hagrid's giant mission, about which Draco loved to taunt Harry in OoTF? Hmm, did Snape inform Voldemort about that? Makes sense, doesn't it? After all, to prevent awakening V's suspicions Snape would have to provide some real information from time to time. Of course, Hagrid and Madam Maxime had no need to know about that. Clever of DD not to care about possible spies since all the important information was known only to him, Snape (some of it) and the Trio.
Btw, wouldn't it be a nice twist, if one of the Trio (preferably Harry) revealed all their secrets to the DEs when Bellatrix decided to use Legilimency? Then they could escape with Dobby's help as happens in the book.
*In fact, it’s a very special funeral. They’re being graded on it. For gym.
For Gym (Peep Show), a sound format for the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis or gymnastics? Why?
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Date: 2009-02-13 10:08 pm (UTC)Clever of DD to use the inferior races as pawns - or rooks at any rate, clumsy and disposable if they lead to the desired end.
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:05 am (UTC)I think you're right, definitely. It's like a lot of things in DH where it's like you can see the book trying to follow the formula but having to stretch to do it.
Peter would wisely quietly sit in the corner and enjoy Molly's food. A spy more in Voldie's mould totally would encourage them to do something stupid and drop hints, ala Crouch Jr.
Peter remains the most effective DE ever.
Do you refer to Hagrid's giant mission, about which Draco loved to taunt Harry in OoTF?
Nope, I was basically saying that there wasn't anything in the way of a network for them to worry about. Unlike in, say, a John Le Carre novel where one traitor in a strategic place ruins a lot of spy networks.
For Gym (Peep Show), a sound format for the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis or gymnastics? Why?
Sorry--obscure reference. I meant "gym" the athletics class in school (that I think in Britain would be called "games"). There's a line in the movie 16 Candles where the main character announces to her grandparents that she's going to the school dance instead of staying home with them. Since they look wounded she tries to give some reason why she has to go to the dance so she says "It's a very important dance. We're being graded on it....For gym." I always liked that she makes up that extra detail that she's being graded for gym.
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:50 am (UTC)I know! It was so ridiculous, him being made the Butt Monkey of the group. He is the only known DE to have accomplished anything. (Crouch Jr. failed because he sent Harry AND Cedric, and did the Dr. Evil monologue)
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:07 am (UTC)Sometimes I vaguely imagine trying to figure out just what Dumbledore's plan was and how it was supposed to work. I don't know if I'd even be able to follow it. But someone could probably figure out something and then pinpoint all the places where the author makes something unlikely happen so it works out okay.
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Date: 2009-02-13 10:47 pm (UTC)I think this was meant as some kind of closure on Harry's awful guilt trip concerning sectumsempra. He had to stop fretting because of it in order to make way for grieving!
*:sigh:: I miss ESE!McGonagall.
I weep with you. And I remember that during this conversation I actually did see a glitter of hope, seeing as smart and clever McGonagall sent away Flitwick to fetch Snape. Meaning:
She sent a middle-aged (at least) man of dwarfish stature to run somewhere (no apparating in Hogwarts! Thank you, Hermione)instead of one of several young athletic students with normal sized legs. She kept several children she was responsible for in a one-on-one fight with terrorists instead of sending off at least one of them to relative safety, sending off the champion duelist Flitwick instead. The idiocy of this move on McGonagall's part made me think she might have gotten him out of the way to prevent the charms professor from taking down that magical barrier or do anything useful. But no - the stupid must have been contagious and finally got to Minerva as well, I suppose.
Luckily as it turns out Snape being a DE isn't much of a big deal at all next year... But if Snape was a traitor that means all our networks and plans are compromised!"
What plans? If you come to think of it, it's outrageous how many people Dumbles risked in all these allies-and-spies-games of his (Hagrid, Madame Maxime, Remus, Severus) when it was all nothing but window-dressing for his great plan to make Harry commit suicide at the right moment. Which he didn't even organize in any fashion that promised success.
Ron says he’ll have a talk to Fred and George about who buys their products.
Do you think he'd really have the guts to do that? On his own? Without Hermione backing him up???
Or even better, the fact that they sell products to Death Eaters won't actually mean anything because once the war starts there will be no need for weapons.
LOL!!!!!!!!
And then Molly even helpfully explains to Fleur that of course she didn’t mean Bill would stop loving Fleur. She meant Fleur was a shallow idiot who would dump him because of his looks.
The weird thing is: for all we know that's exactly why Bill loved Fleur. We never got any other reason why he was interested in her apart from her being beautiful and purring non-stop. I'm not criticizing this in itself because we don't get to see much of their relationship, but that's WHAT we see. Together with Harry going for pretty (and to him nothing else) Cho and pretty Ginny it gives the idea that it's okay for men to go for pretty women, but it's shallow for women to do the same.
Though nobody ever figures out that Remus really doesn't want to be married to her.
Why wouldn't he? He's a good man, of course he wants to marry. Fullstop. And she is pretty and spunky - in fact, she only lacks the Bag bogey hex to make her perfect. So why wouldn't he marry her? It's not as if charcter mattered in this universe - ask Harry. He loves a plethora of girls and it's always the same - his mother.
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:14 am (UTC)LOL! No wonder I missed it. She forgot to put in the guilt.
What plans? If you come to think of it, it's outrageous how many people Dumbles risked in all these allies-and-spies-games of his (Hagrid, Madame Maxime, Remus, Severus) when it was all nothing but window-dressing for his great plan to make Harry commit suicide at the right moment. Which he didn't even organize in any fashion that promised success.
Exactly! It's hilarious. Three books of "Snape's a big spy" and there's really nothing going on on that side. The one time we see the bad side seeming to know what they're up to I honestly don't get the impression that Snape passed on the info. I imagined Draco knew about Hagrid's trip to the giants because Hagrid couldn't do anything quietly if the WW depended on it. (We know this for a fact.)
Of course, we do see Snape brilliantly pass the information to the DEs in DH. Why he had to do that I've no idea, but he did it.
The weird thing is: for all we know that's exactly why Bill loved Fleur. We never got any other reason why he was interested in her apart from her being beautiful and purring non-stop.
It's true. I can't completely say for sure that if the roles were reversed it would have ended with Bill rightly realizing that Fleur wasn't good enough for him once he wasn't being blinded by her beauty.
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Date: 2009-02-14 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 04:20 pm (UTC)Remus has a headache.
sistermagpie: *They’ll consult the Board of Governors, who have never mattered whatsoever in the past. But that was when Dumbledore was alive! *sobs*
Actually, that makes sense. They probably didn't matter because he was blackmailing them for the greater good, but he neglected to leave McGonagall his incriminating documents.
Or maybe he just threatened to curse their families.
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Date: 2009-02-14 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 05:49 pm (UTC)I'm just so excited about Avenue Q coming over to Melbourne in June...
Word to the nth degree!
There's only one thing left to do...
REMUS: Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award Winning Males of the 1940s." No net girl to bother me. How could it get any better than this?
SAVAGE DAMSEL: Oh,hi Remus!
REMUS: Hi Savage Damsel.
SAVAGE DAMSEL: Hey Remus, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This girl was smiling at me and talking to me
REMUS:That's very interesting.
SAVAGE DAMSEL:She was being real friendly, And I think she was coming on to me. I think she might've thought I was gay!
REMUS: Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?
SAVAGE DAMSEL:Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Remus...
REMUS: I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay girl you met, okay? I'm trying to read.
SAVAGE DAMSEL: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Remus.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.
REMUS:I don't want to talk about it, Savage Damsel! This conversation is over!!!
SAVAGE DAMSEL:Yeah, but...
REMUS:OVER!!!
SAVAGE DAMSEL:Well, okay, but just so you know ?
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
(And that's all I'm going to quote)
Oh dear God, someone stop me, now I want to do a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Parody Ginny or Molly are enough of a bitch to play Sister Woman but who would play Big Daddy? That role is to essentially go, "So, are you like gay or something? It's okay, I know gay guys!"
Re: I'm just so excited about Avenue Q coming over to Melbourne in June...
Date: 2009-02-16 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-16 01:30 pm (UTC)If you ask me, Fawkes was singing for joy.
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Date: 2009-02-16 03:29 pm (UTC)