Deathly Hallows – Chapter 7

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

The Will of Albus Dumbledore

The chapter starts with a dream-vision of Voldemort, searching the villages of Bulgaria, obsessed with finding… someone. I guess we’re back to the technique of withholding names in order to create mystery for approximately six paragraphs.

Ron wakes Harry up and tells him he was muttering “Gregorovitch” in his sleep. I defy anyone to distinguish that name during a mutter.

Harry obsesses about the name Gregorovitch for about a page. I’m guessing there were probably at least a couple hundred fans (none of them me) who shouted at the page, “Gregorovitch! The guy who made Viktor Krum’s wand!” But I have to hand it to JKR, the other 99.99% of us never realized that was going to be a clue back in GoF.

Ron reminds Harry that it’s his birthday and Harry dorks out, just like Fred and George did, by doing all sorts of gratuitous magic. That’s fun.

Then Ron gives Harry a book, Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Cue the wand=penis jokes.

But, my inner continuity editor raises it’s red pencil when Ron mentions that Fred and George gave him the book. Did they give it to him on his birthday last year? If so, then Ron would have had it before he broke up with Lavender, and had the opportunity to “charm” Hermione during the last three months of school. If not, they must have randomly chucked it at him during the funeral or something.

Downstairs, Harry finds a pile of presents, including a watch from Arthur and Molly. It’s a sweet moment, as the watch once belonged to Fabian, Molly brother, who was killed by Death Eaters. Omigod, I just realized that that isn’t stated here—in order to understand the significance of this present, the reader has to remember that Fabian was one of the people in the photograph Moody showed Harry in OotP, and infer that Fabian and Gideon were Molly’s twin brothers (based on the F and G initials)…. In other words, I am a total dork.

But while I’m dorking out, this is very clever foreshadowing for Fred’s death later on.

Hermione gives Harry a Sneakoscope, maintaining her title as Worst Gift-Giver Ever.

I know I should say something snarky about Hermione washing Ron’s underwear, but, frankly, if he’s going to get upset about that, he ought to wash his own damn undies. (Sigh. What wouldn’t Snape have given for someone—anyone—to wash his shorts?)

Ginny then offers Harry the best gift of all. Oh, I can’t believe I wrote that. Okay, it’s sweet that she’s having sex with him for his birthday, but she’s careful to tie it into her jealousy of Gabrielle, which just makes it seem desperate.

Yet again, Ron interrupts Ginny as she’s making out with a guy. Oddly enough, this time she doesn’t burst into tears, hex him, or scream about how he’s only snogged Aunt Muriel. I guess his months of sucking Lavender Brown’s face have not been in vain after all.

Ron takes Harry outside to yell at him—with Hermione fluttering after them like she has any business being there. As she tries to interrupt, Ron tells her to talk to the hand. I love Ron! Okay, he really doesn’t have any right to butt into Ginny’s love life, but I like how he mans up here and doesn’t get cowed by Harry the way he usually does.

As Ron scolds him, Harry has a sudden vision of Ginny marrying some “tall, faceless, unpleasant stranger.” So, apparently her choices are Harry… or Yaxley.

The color scheme for Harry’s birthday decorations are purple and gold—which is a departure from the usual red and gold symbolism. Purple is usually associated with royalty. So, I guess Harry is a prince? (Ron, of course, didn’t get any decorations as he was in the hospital and we never, ever hear about Hermione having a party or even presents for her birthday—which is supposedly in September or October, although I think her parents once sent her some cash).

Ron compliments Hermione and Harry guesses that he’d find a chapter on doing that in the witch-charming book if he ever had time to read it. Oh Harry, don’t be silly. You’ll spend weeks stuck in a tent with a witch and nothing to do and you still won’t bother to read a book!

Molly levitates Harry’s birthday cake, with Harry thinking that it looks like a beach ball-sized Snitch. That makes it sound like it’s completely spherical. I furrow my brow, wondering how she’s going to set it down without ruining it. But maybe it will just float above the table, and they’ll whack it apart like a piñata?

Hagrid shows up, along with the Lupins. Remus is looking unhappy, while Tonks is radiant. Having read the book, I realize that Remus is feeling guilty, knowing that he’s causing Tonks all kinds of trouble. But man… this image just makes them seem like the worst, most disconnected couple in the world. I mean, the most obvious reading of them right here is that Tonks is in total denial that Remus married her because she vaguely reminded him of Sirius.

I’m going to be wicked and assume that Tonks lures Lupin into bed each night by metamorphmaging herself to resemble Sirius.

Hagrid gives Harry a mokeskin pouch, a thing he describes as being very rare. Great, now Harry has an incredibly special, rare thing. Let’s add that to the list:

1. Incredibly special invisibility cloak: Used to steal into Hogsmeade to buy candies and joke products.

2. Special and expensive broomstick: Used for Quidditch. Destroyed by willow tree.

3. Even more special and expensive broomstick: Used for Quidditch. Dropped out of a motorcycle. (Accio Broomstick never even attempted.)

3. Special and expensive owl: Dropped out of a motorcycle and exploded.

4. Rare and special mokeskin pouch: Used to store broken glass.


Charlie is described as “shorter than Ron.” As though Ron were short. I can’t keep the heights of these Weasleys straight. Now they’re short, now they’re tall…

Hermione reinforces the stereotype of girls who read books as hapless virgins when she asks Charlie how to tell a girl dragon from a boy dragon. How I wish Charlie had replied, “The 12 foot penis is big hint.”

Arthur’s patronus arrives with the message that the Minister of Magic is coming to ruin yet another Weasley celebration. Lupin grabs Tonks by the wrist, hauls her over a fence, and vanishes. Apparently, the Minister of Magic would get annoyed to see her with her werewolf husband. I think he’d be more upset to see her celebrating the birthday of that uppity Chosen One.

Arthur then shows up in person, escorting Minister Scrimgeour into the party. Oddly enough, Fred and George don’t start pelting Arthur with mashed parsnips. What gives? I thought that was the accepted protocol in such situations.

Scrimgeour asks to see the Trio in the sitting room. He sits at the desk, while the Trio find the sofa barely large enough to contain the three of them and their massive indignation.

Hermione suddenly acquires a post-university education in Magical Law, citing the fine print on the Decree of Justifiable Confiscation. Scrimgeour asks if she is planning a career in law. “No, I’m not,” she retorts, “I’m hoping do some good in the world!”

Oooo! Snap! You give him the smackdown, Hermione. Lawyers are merely tools of oppression!

Until you need them to help you suppress the printing of a fan guide, that is.

Scrimgeour swoops down on Ron when he inadvertently lets slip that he wasn’t close to Dumbledore. Watching this guy go after these kids is like watching a hawk hunting fleas. And why this question is being asked is unfathomable, unless it’s merely to give Harry the change to note that Ron was rather insignificant to Dumbledore.

Nobody, of course, is going to question Hermione’s closeness to Dumbledore. As we’ll learn later, everyone and Dumbledore’s brother knew that Hermione was worth getting to know.

Dumbledore left his Deluminator to Ron. This was previously known as the Putter-Outer, back in PS/SS. I’m fascinated by the name change. From an Angle-Saxon name to a more Norman one. This, along with the treatment towards the Delacours, leads me to suspect that JKR is trying to make up to the French for stereotyping in GoF. What? It’s a theory!

By the way, Harry knows that the Deluminator can turn off lights in a room. How Harry knows this is beyond me, unless he can remember all the way back to the night Dumbledore left him on that doorstep.

Scrimgeour says, “Dumbledore had thousands of students, yet the only three he remembered in his will are you three.” Thanks, Snape. Thanks, Lupin and Tonks. Thanks Bill, and Fred, and permanently maimed George. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

God! Hermione is crying again. Hey, Harry, if you’re going to talk about how admirable Ginny is for never crying, let’s hear about how annoying Hermione is for turning on the waterworks every five minutes in this book.

Harry feels disappointed when he learns Dumbledore left him the first snitch he ever caught. It could have been worse, Harry. Dumbledore could have left you a copy of Deathly Hallows.

When Scrimgeour suspects that Dumbledore hid something just for Harry in the snitch, Hermione introduces us all to the concept of “flesh memory.” Did we have to learn this from Hermione? Would it have killed JKR to let Ron give out this Quidditch-specific piece of information? She even comments how surprising it is for Hermione to know an obscure fact about Quidditch when Hermione knows nothing about Quidditch!

Hehe. And then, in the most dramatic passing of a tiny gold metal ball from one person to another in the history of magic, Scrimgeour hands the Snitch to Harry and… nothing happens!

Scrimgeour refuses to hand over the Sword of Gryffindor, declaring it the property of the school, and not Dumbledore’s to give to anyone. Yes! Go Scrimgeour! I want to have your babies now!

Tempers flare as Scrimgeour demands to know if Dumbledore thought Harry was indeed “chosen” to defeat Voldemort. Who freakin’ cares? If Dumbledore had a plan, you’re not in on it, Scrimgeour. And if it involves putting Harry up against Voldemort, it’s obviously the stupidest plan ever, so you might as well go back to your office and wait to be killed.

I do find it pretty funny that Harry, who is one of the most passive heroes ever written, suddenly turns into Che Guevara every time Scrimgeour shows up.

“I don’t like your methods, remember?” Harry snarls, raising his Mighty Fist of Integrity. “How dare you ask for a coordinated effort against a terrorist when you refuse to fire the woman who has never been accused of anything! She was raped by centaurs! What more proof do you need of her guilt?”

The rest of the party is glossed over, as Harry focuses on getting the Trio together in Ron’s room. While they wait for Hermione, Harry fills his new pouch with the shard of mirror, the R.A.B. locket, and the Marauder’s Map. So, this neck pouch is either bigger inside than out, or else that map has shrunk to the size of a postage stamp.

Hermione casts Muffliato. Ron remarks that she didn’t approve of the spell the year before. “Times change,” Hermione says. I guess this should prepare us for Harry’s later casting of unforgivable curses. In the meantime, it just makes Hermione look like a big hypocrite.

Ron demonstrates the power of the Deluminator by turning out the lights. Hermione can’t help commenting on how lame a piece of magic that is. While I agree with her, I don’t blame Ron for getting defensive about it. s

But it really is lame. Granted, the book and the snitch don’t look any better, but it’s just Ron in a nutshell, isn’t it? If he went out Trick-or-Treating with the Peanuts gang, Ron would end up getting a rock in his candy sack, just like Charlie Brown.

Harry and Hermione are flabbergasted at the thought of Ron reading a book that Hermione had not read. But the natural order of the universe is restored when Ron explains that he didn’t really read The Tales of Beedle the Bard, he just heard the stories as a child.

Hermione explains that, as Muggles, she and Harry heard different stories. Harry remains silent on the subject, but I wonder if he actually ever heard Snow White or Cinderella, considering that he spent his childhood locked in a cupboard.

So, in the last six chapters, we have covered approximately four days. At this rate, in order to cover the entire school year, this book will need to be… about as long as it actually is.

Fan Service:
Harry finally gets a birthday party!
Harry and Ginny get it on!


Fan Slappage:
Remember the big built-up when Scrimegeour’s character was introduced? What the hell was the point of him, anyway?


DVD Extras:
INT. DAY – HEADMASTER’S OFFICE AT HOGWARTS
Albus Dumbledore is scribbling at a parchment. On the desk are an old leatherbound book, a Deluminator, two halves of a golden snitch, and a small, cracked pebble. Most of the headmaster portraits are sleeping, but ARNOLD DIPPET watches curiously.

Dumbeldore pauses, then pulls out his wand. With the wand, he carefully levitates the pebble into one half of the golden snitch. Then, with a flourish, he closes the two halves up, sealing it tight. He resumes his writing.

Dippet cranes forward to look over Dumbledore’s shoulder.

DIPPET
Finally making out your will, eh, Albus?

ALBUS
I suppose it is high time.

Dumbledore waves his blackened hand.

PHINEAS NIGELLUS (from his portrait)
Figured out you aren’t immortal? So, you’re leaving the boy a stone?

ALBUS
Not just any stone. It’s the Resurrection Stone.

The portraits laugh at this.

ALBUS (cont’d)
Scoff if you must. But the legend is true. And leaving the book to Miss Granger will ensure that he learns about the Deathly Hallows.

DIPPET
Why not just give him the stone, Albus? Tell him what it is and how it works.

ALBUS
That would be far too easy. It may take Harry many years to destroy Lord Voldemort’s Horcruxes. Without something to puzzle over, he could get bored and start having children or something silly like that.

DIPPET
True enough!

NIGELLUS
What else are you giving away?

ALBUS
My books to the library. My inventions to the school. I’m leaving a left-handed corkscrew to Minerva.

DIPPET
Whatever for?

ALBUS
No reason. Just something for her to wonder about. Same with Elphias Doge. I’m leaving him a portrait of Celestrina Warbeck, signed “With all my love” in invisible ink. I’m leaving two copies of “A History of Hogwarts” to Madam Pompfrey, one copy of which is missing the pages 237-346, and the other of which is defaced with large red Xs on pages 45 and 68. I’m leaving all my houseplants to Hagrid and my rare magical insect collection to Madam Sprout. Oh, and I’m leaving my reading glasses to Alistair Moody.

NIGELLUS
And what about Professor Snape? Are you leaving him anything?

ALBUS
No point. I assume that, within a year or two, he’ll either be dead or in prison.

NIGELLUS
It might help if you note in your will that bit about asking him to kill you.

ALBUS
That’s far too easy—no, wait! That’s the stroke of genius! “To Professor Snape, my fond hope that he will succeed me in my position as Headmaster.” Excellent! That will keep people guessing for decades!

Humming, he pops a lemon drop in his mouth and continues writing. Nigellus and Dippet exchange exasperated looks and go back to sleep.

FADE OUT

Comments

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

The thing is, I know from having worked in publishing that a good editor makes a huge impact on someone's writing.

I was working in educational publishing, not trade, and practices are probably different there. We always assigned manuscripts to the writers--and when we got them back, we ended up rewriting about 90% of them.

Obviously that's going to be different in trade, but from what I've read from new writers, it's common to get multiple notes on every single page of a book.

I think it much more likely that JKR had a strong editor for those first few books than a ghost writer. If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that the need for secrecy and pressure to publish quickly (both for the public's hunger and film schedules--including rapidly aging child actors!) made it impossible for any editor to give the books the combing over they truly needed.

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

Yes, you can imagine the fannish outrage if Bloomsbury told the world JKR had finished her MS, and now her editor was going through it before sending it back for re-working. But don't worry Potterites, it will be finished within the next six months or so! :-P

They still should have found a way to do it, and how to keep it secret, though.

In the first three books JKR did start a lot of things that would come into play later, and did it quite well. But when she should tie everything up nicely she bungled it badly. Plus she had to show the Trio maturing from children to young adults, which is damned difficult for any writer.

Add to that the pressure from being an international phenomenon. Ok, she got a lot of money but she also got reporters digging trough her dustbins and taking photos of her children. Not to mention a gazillion of fans, even if most of them were sane...

I think JKR is a nice person even if she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. And she seems to lack the cynisism that a person in her position badly needs. Perhaps a good things for many of her fans, not many authors are so lenient towards fanfic as she is.

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

- "Yes, you can imagine the fannish outrage if Bloomsbury told the world JKR had finished her MS, and now her editor was going through it before sending it back for re-working. But don't worry Potterites, it will be finished within the next six months or so!"

No need for fans to know the manuscript was finished until it was ready to go to printing - They should have LIED! (The one lesson that *was* worth learning from Hollywood.)

Seriously though, I get all your arguments, I just can't believe that she squandered her exceptional start.

Also, I sometimes wish she *was* less lenient towards fanfic - twincest? Harry and Dobby's nose? Dumbledore and Firenze? Hermione and Scabbers? (Yes, in rat form.)

Not every writer is capable of such magnificence as the tragically unfinished 'My Immortal', which I only discovered a couple of months ago, and thank Merlin for every day!

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

No need for fans to know the manuscript was finished until it was ready to go to printing - They should have LIED!

Oh, I agree!

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

That makes sense, but I prefer my potentially scandalalous, if seriously unlikely version!