PoA Chapter Two

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That’s Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake, not Harry’s. You might get confused when he starts blowing people up.

So the Dursleys have bought Dudley a happy summer present. A new TV in the kitchen so he doesn’t have to walk too far from fridge to TV. I hope Dudley doesn’t become overweight from such a sedentary, high-fat lifestyle.

Harry has no interest in TV and never misses it when he’s at school. Neither does Hermione. Exploding Snap FTW! (Seriously, that’s how they spend their time instead. When they’re not polishing narrow sticks of wood.)

Dudley has piggy eyes and five wobbling chins and eats continually. All sure signs of a lazy, greedy character.

Vernon shows a rare flash of logic when he complains the TV news hasn’t told anyone where Sirius Black has escaped from, so they have little way of knowing where he might be. Unfortunately this is only to draw attention to it for us so we’re prepared to learn he escaped from Azkaban.

I say a flash of logic because let’s face it, this kind of report would demand telling viewers exactly what this guy did and when and why nobody’s ever heard of him if he’s the scariest criminal ever.

Harry disdainfully thinks that Petunia would love to call the hotline number. You have to give her a break there, Harry. Muggles lives are really boring. We don’t have half as many sticks to polish.

Vernon goes on about capital punishment, being all conservative and setting himself against Harry’s more liberal view of granting people total absolution based on what their choices show him they are, and the cozy knowledge that those who oppose him will be punished forever in the afterlife. Those in between will be punished by Hermione with facial scarring.

Harry’s been forced to call Aunt Marge “Aunt” all his life despite not being blood related to her. On the one hand—so what? Otoh, that’s strange for the Dursleys, isn’t it? Wouldn’t they make a point of not letting Harry call her the same thing as Dudley since Harry’s not actually their child?

Aunt Marge rarely leaves her house because she can’t stand to leave her precious dogs, the adjective there making it clear that she cares about them more than people. Ironically, compared to Hagrid she’s a reasonable pet owner.

Ripper kept Harry treed until past midnight? I’m surprised the dog didn’t wind up strewn all over England via accidental magic. And that no neighbors came by and put a stop to that.

The Dursleys are far too nice to Dudley and far too mean to Harry. If they could only balance the two, they’d be good parents.

I’m impressed Vernon was able to find a Victorian school for Incurably Criminal Boys in the late 20th century to which he could pretend to send Harry. Unless he made up the name himself, in which case I’m impressed by his Dickensian turn of phrase.

Harry is also genuinely impressive in bargaining with Vernon to sign his permission form. Until he forgets to make Vernon sign the form right then and there. D’oh! So close, Harry!

Hedwig looks reproachfully at Harry for telling her to clear off. Get used to getting screwed in this relationship, Hedwig.

Aunt Marge has a moustache. Why am I not surprised?

You know who won’t be growing any moustaches later in life? Ginny Weasley Potter that’s who!

Let’s pause and take a snapshot of Dudley walking—I mean waddling—down the hall. His hair’s plastered to his fat head and his bow tie is barely visible under those many chins. He also has a fat fist. He’s just a big blobby thing jiggling through the house, that Dudley. I’m shocked he never actually fell through the floor.

Aunt Petunia quietly dies inside watching Ripper drool on the kitchen floor. She hates animals, which doesn’t speak well of her. To be fair, I love animals and I’m not so fond of bodily fluids on the kitchen floor either.

Marge owns a dog with an evil-tempered bulldog that chases Harry. The theme of animals and their pet owners who don’t take responsibility for them is starting off strong!

Btw, when Harry got treed by Ripper? It was for accidentally treading on his tail. So we’ve already had one example of a kid accidentally provoking an animal attack by being careless. Only in one case the animal’s a jerk and so is his owner and in the other the animal’s a victim and so is his owner. Guess which is which?

Harry tries to smile at Aunt Marge and gets accused of smirking. Can’t help but make me wonder if this explains why Slytherins are incapable of smiling normally. A smirk is in the eye of the beholder.

Aunt Marge goes off on namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. Is this one of these cases where we spend the first couple of chapters criticizing the Dursleys for attitudes we’ll celebrate once we get to Hogwarts? Because Harry et al. totally agree with Marge here.

Speaking of which, Aunt Marge with her Colonel neighbors and bulldogs seems like she’d adore Hogwarts. But since she doesn’t belong there according to her blood, she ought to just stop that.

Aunt Marge on breeding: If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup —” I hope everyone’s paying attention here. This is exactly the type of thing that’s going to be proven so incredibly untrue in the rest of the…oh, wait. That’s mostly true to an alarming degree. Err…Sirius Black! Sirius was the white sheep of his family! Totally proves heredity is nothing! Pay no attention to everyone else!

Maybe I’ve read too much slash, because I wish Harry would find some other way to keep his mind off Aunt Marge than by thinking about do it yourself broomstick care.

Last night of the visit: Everybody has a huge face except Harry. It’s like Harry the teaspoon at a table with three frying pans. And a horse. (That’s Petunia.)

Harry starts to lose it over Marge’s words about his father, though sadly I can’t really empathize with him. Obviously she’s being rude and cruel, but it just feels like one of those moments where you say: Look, you know it’s not true, so don’t let it bother you. Especially since the guy Marge is describing is in some ways an improvement over the real James.

At least Harry’s more recognizable when he’s overcome with rage.

Aunt Marge also has piggy eyes. It must be a Dursley trait. Or a fat people trait. Their eyes are either piggy or gooseberry. Their eyes either sink into or pop out of the fat on their fat faces.

Petunia and Lily, of course, have no resemblance to each other at all. Given the way looks seem to work in this series, I wonder if one Evans parent was really homely and the other really attractive.

Now that he’s started going berserk, Harry figures he might as well go completely psycho and points his wand at everybody. Sectumsempra! Oh wait, he doesn’t know that one yet. Damn!

“She deserved it!” Harry says. Let’s have none of that namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not blowing up people who deserve it!

Unfortunately this incident will require yet another Ministry scene, because remember, the government only exists to irritate YOU.

Btw, Vernon has been bitten by Ripper, so we’ve also already had our first animal attack.

It is a very nice image of Harry leaving the house with his ridiculous bird cage and broom, dragging his trunk with him, probably huffing angrily down the street and getting no further than half a block before he has to stop.

Things that happen twice:

Harry and Vernon would both like Marge to control Ripper. Later we’ll see similar problems with Crookshanks (and Buckbeak). Aunt Marge refuses to believe her pet could do wrong, the same attitude taken by Hagrid, Hermione and Ron in the book.

The book starts with Harry resenting having to call Aunt Marge family when she’s not. He’ll end the book by meeting his only real family in canon, a guy who isn’t actually related to him.

The Ripper incident remembered here will again appear in OotP when Snape teaches (or tries to teach) Harry Occlumency.

Aunt Marge’s thoughts on dog breeding, and the resemblance of the 3 biological Dursleys, are setting up a book that introduces backstory about James where Snape will see resemblances between him and Harry.

Aunt Marge falsely accuses James of being a good-for-nothing—false accusations will be a theme throughout the book (Crookshanks, Sirius, and everyone keeps claiming Buckbeak).

It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!

Azkaban
The Wizard prison, Goyle. Honestly, if you were any slower you’d be going backwards.
Status: Misfire. It comes up a lot, but we never go there. We hear it will drive anyone mad, but people keep returning from it no worse for wear.

Sirius Black
Status: Fired and missed! He turned out to be an important guy from Harry’s past, but had no part to play in Dumbledore’s plan, so got shoved out of the book through a curtain—which is also a dud. The veil, that is.




The Borgnine Proviso
He’s playing Aunt Marge.

Informed Attributes
This chapter is a great early example of the kind of violent love Harry will become known for in later books.

Jason’s Rule of Explosive Endings
Well, eventually he had to blow something up to get out of the house, after all. Might as well be Marge.

Jabootu Score: 3

Comments

[elanor-x.livejournal.com]

Harry’s been forced to call Aunt Marge “Aunt” all his life despite not being blood related to her. On the one hand—so what? Otoh, that’s strange for the Dursleys, isn’t it?

I bet Petunia saw it as a sign of respect.

I’m impressed Vernon was able to find a Victorian school for Incurably Criminal Boys in the late 20th century to which he could pretend to send Harry. Unless he made up the name himself, in which case I’m impressed by his Dickensian turn of phrase.

First, in PS Vernon dislikes the outfits on young people. Then he makes up a school with a Dickensian name since I can't believe in the school's (present) existence. The man clearly lives in the past, doesn't he? And by "past" I mean at least 50 years before he was born.

Or he may have understood old (like the school's name!), mean Marge's psychology and say just what she would mostly like to hear and be unlikely to question, unlike "What do you mean you spend money to send him to arts' school?!"

Marge owns a dog with an evil-tempered bulldog that chases Harry. The theme of animals and their pet owners who don’t take responsibility for them is starting off strong!

LOL! The funniest thing is that you're right. How could I miss the theme of pet responsibility despite re-reading POA at least twice?

Well, eventually he had to blow something up to get out of the house, after all. Might as well be Marge.

JKR could make him blow a vase up and have the Dursleys, furious of Marge seeing the magic, send him packing. Some readers would like this Harry more, but JKR's trademark of making the bad guys comically suffer would have to go and we can't have it, especially when Marge appears in the series only once, so there would be no possibility of future punishment.

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

Harry’s been forced to call Aunt Marge “Aunt” all his life...

I bet Petunia saw it as a sign of respect.

Same. I called all sorts of people Aunt and Uncle who were in no way related to us. At least Marge is a shirt-tail relation to Harry by being the sister of his mother's sister's husband.

[artystone.livejournal.com]

Harry has no interest in TV and never misses it when he’s at school.

The muggle-raised kids never missing TV or videogames or computers or...well just about anything you know, like ball-point pens, is one of the least believable things in this series.

All sure signs of a lazy, greedy character.
And evil. Don't forget evil.

Ironically, compared to Hagrid she’s a reasonable pet owner.
Too true. At least nothing's been mentioned about her trying to breed Ripper with a canary or toilet seat.


You know who won’t be growing any moustaches later in life? Ginny Weasley Potter that’s who!
ROFL!

Harry tries to smile at Aunt Marge and gets accused of smirking.
Which IMHO tells us more about Harry, or at least his "smile" than it does about Marge.

It is a very nice image of Harry leaving the house with his ridiculous bird cage and broom, dragging his trunk with him, probably huffing angrily down the street and getting no further than half a block before he has to stop.
And of course no one would see that and/or consider it remotely odd. Then again, they've had this kid in the neighborhood for 15 years...

[the-bitter-word.livejournal.com]

Too true. At least nothing's been mentioned about her trying to breed Ripper with a canary or toilet seat.

Maybe Hagrid is reflecting his own situation in his ridiculous breeding attempts, sort of the way people will reenact a traumatizing experience. I mean, half-wizard, half-giantess? Let's see what other hybrids can be cooked up to show that what others consider to be freaks are actually superior to the originals. (I've always viewed Hagrid as a perpetually lonely, misfit character.)

[oryx_leucoryx]

The muggle-raised kids never missing TV or videogames or computers or...well just about anything you know, like ball-point pens, is one of the least believable things in this series.


Harry is determined to see everything in the magical world as superior to the Muggle equivalent. Hermione is determined to fit in. We don't really know the views of the more 'normal' Muggle-raised kids like Dean.

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

"And of course no one would see that and/or consider it remotely odd."

They're English. What the neighbours do is none of your business. Being nosy is a cardinal sin.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Aunt Marge on breeding: If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup —” I hope everyone’s paying attention here. This is exactly the type of thing that’s going to be proven so incredibly untrue in the rest of the…oh, wait. That’s mostly true to an alarming degree. Err…Sirius Black! Sirius was the white sheep of his family! Totally proves heredity is nothing! Pay no attention to everyone else!

Hee. Yeah, Rowling kept it nice and simple. Dursleys = ugly = bad. Lily = beautiful = good.

You know who won’t be growing any moustaches later in life? Ginny Weasley Potter that’s who!

*faints at even contemplating the possibility*

No, see the above 'lily = beautiful' rule. Nothing is too good for our hero protagonist! I'm sure Ginny will be transformed into a striking siren whom 'a lot of the boys like' to be presented to Harry on a silver platter, just you wait!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Petunia seriously must have done something awful in a past life to get the hand she was dealt in the present. Even if she was a nicer person her personality would probably be awful compared to Lily's.

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

Aunt Marge has a moustache. Why am I not surprised?

And Draco's going to bald in the end. BTW, I have it on somewhat reliable authority that there are people who see hirsuit women as sexy in the same way some people see bald men as sexy.

He’s just a big blobby thing jiggling through the house, that Dudley. I’m shocked he never actually fell through the floor.

Must've happened while Harry was at school.

A smirk is in the eye of the beholder.

According to Dictionary.com, a smirk is an affected, offensive (or offensively familiar) smile. It's possible Harry stands guilty as charged.

Aunt Marge goes off on namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it.

What's this namby-pamby hitting thing? What you really need is a good Crucio.

Speaking of which, Aunt Marge with her Colonel neighbors and bulldogs seems like she’d adore Hogwarts.

Seems like she's Hyacinth Bucket.

It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!

It's Tolstoy!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Tolstoy....in the dining room...with an animagus!

I think she's a little mannish for Hyacinth for me. But Hyacinth would defiitely be inviting her to a candlelight supper or two I think!

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

I don't actually mind Harry blowing Aunt Marge up too much; it's not heroic conduct, of course, but he's an abused child and Marge is one of his abusers. I make pretty big allowances for underdogs committing violence against their abusers, especially when they really have no other recourse to stop the abuse. To me, when Harry is no longer a believable underdog and he attacks Draco or whomever, THAT is when there starts to be a real problem. That's when Harry starts becoming Dursleyish himself, incorporating the bullying tendencies and the smug But They Deserved It illogic.

[aasaylva.livejournal.com]

IAWTC!

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

Harry blowing up Marge is not the result of a conscious act, either. He's not throwing a hex on her. I suspect things like this happens in every wizarding household. Muggle kids in similiar situation can only slam doors.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

He doesn't intentionally blow Marge up, so I can't hold it against him. It's his emotions just exploding on her. It's actually one of the rare times where I think you can blame it on the other person. She was intentionally putting him down, and created the feelings that blew her up.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Vernon shows a rare flash of logic when he complains the TV news hasn’t told anyone where Sirius Black has escaped from, so they have little way of knowing where he might be.

As we know, Sirius was indeed making his way to Surrey as they were speaking. Sometimes Rowling does know how to give you a double-take on the second read.

Harry disdainfully thinks that Petunia would love to call the hotline number.

So, did Petunia recognize Sirius?

Hedwig looks reproachfully at Harry for telling her to clear off. Get used to getting screwed in this relationship, Hedwig.

Well, at least he sent her off to safety this time around. Though not for her benefit but his own - he feared her presence would upset Vernon and give him an excuse not to sign the permission slip.

Maybe I’ve read too much slash, because I wish Harry would find some other way to keep his mind off Aunt Marge than by thinking about do it yourself broomstick care.

Notice that at one point he is thinking of 'A Charm to Cure Reluctant Reversers' - is this foreshadowing of the testing of the Firebolt for hexes?

Aunt Marge falsely accuses James of being a good-for-nothing—false accusations will be a theme throughout the book (Crookshanks, Sirius, and everyone keeps claiming Buckbeak).

James really was not employed so she wasn't completely off target.

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

"So, did Petunia recognize Sirius?"
***Wasn't his picture shown on the telly? Can't check as I'm at work.

"James really was not employed so she wasn't completely off target."
***She was. james wasn't unemployed, he had loads of Old Money wich means a world of difference in the British class thinking.

[r-ganymede.livejournal.com]

Harry has no interest in TV and never misses it when he’s at school. Neither does Hermione. Exploding Snap FTW! (Seriously, that’s how they spend their time instead. When they’re not polishing narrow sticks of wood.)

To be fair, I would totally give up TV if I had access to a library full of books about real magic I could learn to do. So Hermione has a sort-of excuse, even if Harry is mind-bogglingly uncurious about magic.

I would still bring a trunk full of fiction books, though.

Harry’s been forced to call Aunt Marge “Aunt” all his life despite not being blood related to her. On the one hand—so what? Otoh, that’s strange for the Dursleys, isn’t it? Wouldn’t they make a point of not letting Harry call her the same thing as Dudley since Harry’s not actually their child?

The Dursley's have always seemed to treat Harry as the lowest-ranking member of their family. They were abusive, but I don't think they ever thought of him as not related/not really family. If anything, their extreme actions fit far more with seeing him as part of the family, since people like that will often react far worse to perceived abnormality in their own families than outsiders.

It kind of makes me wonder what would have happened if Dudley had been magical, or if they'd had another magical child. I'm not entirely certain they'd treat a magical child of their own any better than Harry.

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

Harry is mind-bogglingly uncurious about magic.

I see that as a comment on the educational system. Not any particular kind of system, mind you. Just education in general. Putting magic in the context of classes and exams takes all the fun out of it--unless you're a swot like Hermione.

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

You forgot about one pet that got out of control: Lupin.

You could think of Draco/Buckbeak as sort of echoing the Prank. Snape was being obnoxious and the Marauder's pet werewolf went after him. Afterwards, Snape was given the bulk of the blame for the incident, rather than Black--who allowed the attack, and Dumbledore, who refused to take proper responsibility for introducing a wild animal into Hogwarts (for a few night every month).

I have to say that I do like one thing about JKR's mindset. Her animals are animals. And they don't take sides on the whole good/evil divide. The "evil" people may deserve their punishment more, but they don't really get attacked because they deserve it but because animals are inherently dangerous.

[oryx_leucoryx]

The entire Marauders quartet was a matter of animals getting out of control. Remus was the most obvious, but didn't they think of Peter as a pet rat they could use to scout the castle (who got the Slytherin common room onto the Map?) and stop the Willow who unexpectedly developed an agenda of his own to their detriment? Sionna Raven described Sirius and James as a dog and his boy - and when the dog acted on his own he messed things up.

I have to say that I do like one thing about JKR's mindset. Her animals are animals. And they don't take sides on the whole good/evil divide. The "evil" people may deserve their punishment more, but they don't really get attacked because they deserve it but because animals are inherently dangerous.

It's that 'good' animal lovers accept the injuries lovingly. Or expect everyone else to do so.

[eir-de-scania.livejournal.com]

Harry starts to lose it over Marge’s words about his father, though sadly I can’t really empathize with him. Obviously she’s being rude and cruel, but it just feels like one of those moments where you say: Look, you know it’s not true, so don’t let it bother you.
***Really? You would say that to a thirteen-year-old having an intoxicated adult attacking him in a way that would make an adult froth at the mouth or run away crying?

Especially since the guy Marge is describing is in some ways an improvement over the real James.
***That's the problem with reading PoA post-DH. Did you read this chapter the same way when you read it post-CoS?

[oryx_leucoryx]

Especially since the guy Marge is describing is in some ways an improvement over the real James.
***That's the problem with reading PoA post-DH. Did you read this chapter the same way when you read it post-CoS?

How about when reading it after OOTP? Supposedly Rowling had James' story and character in her mind all along. This is the book where we get the sound-track of the death scene and that did not change between here and DH. Nor do I think it was a last moment decision to have SWM take place after the werewolf debacle. So if we thought Marge was disparaging James undeservedly we were being misled by Rowling. When she wrote this she knew James was a bully and an irresponsible family man. (There is nothing wrong about creating a certain impression about a character and then revealing facts that make the reader change hir mind, though there is a problem with an author not recognizing that the character can never appear as s/he did originally.)

[sunnyskywalker]

I’m impressed Vernon was able to find a Victorian school for Incurably Criminal Boys in the late 20th century

The funny thing is, I would totally believe in a wizarding school with that name. Maybe Vernon saw it in one of Petunia's letters and liked the name, never realizing it was a brochure from a wizarding institution she'd kept just in case?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Ha! You're right I'm sure that school does exist somewhere in the WW. And they get up to naughty things there.

[elanor-x.livejournal.com]

I’m impressed Vernon was able to find a Victorian school for Incurably Criminal Boys in the late 20th century to which he could pretend to send Harry.

Haven't thought about it before, but have we ever been told what the Dursleys say Harry was sent to such institution for? Did they make up a story of theft? Vicious bullying, inspired by Dudley's behavior? Here the Dursleys are presented OOC to create farce since wanting to look normal is at odds with presenting a child you raise as a dangerous criminal. Can't see Petunia telling another Privet Drive gossiper such information, so may be they limited it to "appropriate people", aka family members.

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

Here the Dursleys are presented OOC to create farce since wanting to look normal is at odds with presenting a child you raise as a dangerous criminal.

In real life I would agree. In the Potterverse, blood always tells. I think they're saying, in effect, that Harry comes from inferior stock.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

It is actually convenient that Harry was apparently isolated from most technology right off. The only time we hear about them, practically, he's being kept away from them.

[lynn-waterfall.livejournal.com]

Aunt Marge on breeding: If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup —” I hope everyone’s paying attention here. This is exactly the type of thing that’s going to be proven so incredibly untrue in the rest of the…oh, wait. That’s mostly true to an alarming degree. Err…Sirius Black! Sirius was the white sheep of his family! Totally proves heredity is nothing! Pay no attention to everyone else!

What about Percy? Granted that he's strongly influenced by his mother's stated wishes, he isn't actually much like her, much less anyone else in his family. That makes all of two!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Interesting how much trouble that causes now I think about it! He winds up completely estranged for a while until he sort of comes around. But he's still good like the rest of the Weasleys. Still a Gryffindor even!

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

--- “Harry has no interest in TV and never misses it when he’s at school. Neither does Hermione.”

After giving up Reality Shows, Talent Shows, Soaps and programmes with the word ‘Celebrity’ in the title, what’s to miss? I sincerely doubt Highbrow Hermione would miss it – her parents probably taped the costume dramas and educational historical programmes for her to watch during the 6 days a year she was at with them at home. Harry probably wasn’t allowed to watch when the Dursleys were at home – surely he was cleaning the cinders from the fireplace?

---“Aunt Marge also has piggy eyes. It must be a Dursley trait. Or a fat people trait.”

Probably a ‘bad/stupid’ person trait. Though there a few exceptions – Petunia is thin, probably only for comic effect when compared to the vast walrusish, Vernon. Jack Spratt on reverse. Voldemort is thin as well, but he’s bad/clever (until DH) – plus who’d notice piggy eyes when he has NO NOSE?

---“Aunt Marge falsely accuses James of being a good-for-nothing”

Falsely?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh god. I can now totally see Hermione before she got her letter being all about the no-TV family except for special documentaries. Oh yeah.

[lachlanm.livejournal.com]

sistermagpie: Speaking of which, Aunt Marge with her Colonel neighbors and bulldogs seems like she’d adore Hogwarts. But since she doesn’t belong there according to her blood, she ought to just stop that.

I just realized that the picture I've had in my head of Colonel Fubster ever since this book came out looks exactly like Colonel Sanders.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

LOL! Colonel Sanders would probably be more fun to hang out with. Special recipe!

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Aunt Marge has a moustache. Why am I not surprised?

She's not FEMININE? Ugh, how did she escape with just being blown up? Mind you, the fact she isn't married and has no children is clearly punishment enough.

Harry starts to lose it over Marge’s words about his father, though sadly I can’t really empathize with him.

Remember, you're perfectly entitled to lose it when someone insults your parents. Unless you're Malfoy. (He should have just admitted his entire family suck and should be dead, a la Sirius, then he perhaps could have joined the chosen tribe...)

Vernon goes on about capital punishment

ROFL, doesn't he also get that wonderful line about 'You've no need to tell us he's no good, look at his hair!' Stupid Vernon. Long hair's cool, greasy/blonde hair's the real tell. And fat, obviously.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Remember, you're perfectly entitled to lose it when someone insults your parents. Unless you're Malfoy. (He should have just admitted his entire family suck and should be dead, a la Sirius, then he perhaps could have joined the chosen tribe...)

Don't forget Seamus!