Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 2

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

And now for something ELSE completely different!

[Two hooded figures appear in front of a dirty, decrepit old building]

Bellatrix: I’m bored. I want to kill something. Avada kedavra! [Kills a nearby fox]

Narcissa: You’re going to give us away if you do that.

Bellatrix: I still don’t know what you’re playing at going to Snape for help!

Narcissa: That’s for me to know and you to wonder at.

Bellatrix: But he’s not even trustworthy!

Narcissa: Of course he is.

Bellatrix: How do you know?

Narcissa: The Dark Lord trusts him, right? If we can’t trust his judgment who can we trust?

Bellatrix: …A fair point. But, still, I just have a secret, sneaking suspicion he’s not to be trusted! And you don’t need any evidence if you’ve got instinct!

Narcissa: I’m way past the point of setting store by instinct, you know!

[They knock on the door…]

Snape: Oh, hello.

Narcissa: Severus, Severus! I need your help with something urgent!

Snape: Does it have to do with the plot?

Narcissa: Of course it has to do with the plot! Why on earth would a side character like me get to appear for a full chapter if it didn’t have to do with the plot?!

Snape: I see I have no choice then. Come in.

Wormtail: Hello! I don’t suppose you remember me from two books ago?

Snape: Go away, Snaketail—nobody likes you!

Wormtail: You of all people call me by some stupid nickname?

Snape: Why the hell not? You’re a coward; therefore you automatically deserve to be treated like vermin. Now go away and don’t even think of eavesdropping on our conversation!

Wormtail: That is so not fair! Give me one thing I’ve done that was cowardly!

Snape: Er…

Wormtail: Aha! You can’t, can you?

Snape: Just go away and leave me alone!

Wormtail: Fine, whatever! [Leaves]

Narcissa: So, anyway, there’s a super-secret plot that I need your help with—

Bellatrix: This is a bad idea….

Snape: What are you on about?

Bellatrix: Why on earth should my sister trust you with anything?

Snape: Well, what reason do you have to think I’m not trustworthy?

Bellatrix: Because, you haven’t directly aided us in our cause for years! And you consort with that asshole Dumbledore! Why, you haven’t even managed to kill a single schoolboy!

Snape: Oh, really? And do you not think the Dark Lord is aware of this? And do you not think he has questioned me about it himself? And do you not think he would have punished me if he wasn’t satisfied with my answers?

Bellatrix: Ah….

Snape: Did you know that it was on the Dark Lord’s instructions I took the post at Hogwarts in the first place? And that I consorted with Dumbledore? And that I didn't kill Harry?

Bellatrix: Well…about that….

Snape: Did he not mention any of this to you?

Bellatrix: He…. No….

Snape: I’m afraid Daddy Dark Lord no longer views you as his favorite, if indeed he ever did.

Bellatrix: Shut up!

Narcissa: Ah…why are we arguing about this? Can we get back to me?

Bellatrix: Oh, stay out of this, Narcissa! Snape, why did you not kill Harry Potter while he was under your power?

Snape: And throw suspicion on myself by murdering Dumbledore’s favorite student?! I’d have to be mad to even try it! Although I was sorely tempted at points, I admit, given how lazy and stupid and cowardly he is….

Narcissa: Oh will you pay attention to me?!

Snape: Oh, yes. Sorry.

Narcissa: Thank you! So, anyway, my husband is in jail and I think the Dark Lord has evil designs on my son.

Snape: And? You do realize that these evil designs are not to be spoken of.

Narcissa: Well…yes…but….

Snape: Lucky for you, I know of them already.

Narcissa: Wow, what a relief!

Snape: But you do realize, there’s nothing I can do to change his mind.

Bellatrix: I don’t know what your problem is, really. If I had sons I’d let the Dark Lord do what he wanted with them.

Narcissa: You say that because you don’t have any!

Bellatrix: True, true.

Narcissa: Anyway, I’m virtually certain the Dark Lord is doing this just to punish my family for Lucius’s mistake!

Snape: Doesn’t surprise me. It’s not like he had any use for families except as bargaining chips. Because he’s just evil like that.

Narcissa: You’re not helping!

Snape: There might be a way.

Narcissa: A way?

Snape: Yes, a way.

Narcissa: Could you do it instead of Draco?

Snape: Well…I wouldn’t say no….

Bellatrix: Ahaha! You say that but you don’t mean it! You’re a dirty, stinking coward and you know it!

Snape: Oh, please—it’s bad enough to hear that kind of talk from Dumbledore and my Gryffindor students! Don’t you start too!

Bellatrix: I’m saying it because it’s true.

Snape: It is not true, and I’ll prove it! Narcissa, I will make an Unbreakable Vow with you, to protect Draco!

Narcissa: Really?! You would do that?!

Snape: Absolutely!

Bellatrix: I can’t believe this is happening.

[Snape takes Narcissa’s hand, and Bellatrix begins to apply the spell]

Bellatrix: Severus Snape, do you promise to help Draco fulfill this top-secret evil dark plot which I cannot reveal on account of knowing nothing about it having fallen out of Daddy Dark Lord’s favor?

Snape: Yes, I do.

Bellatrix: And will you attempt to fulfill Draco’s totally top-secret and highly-dangerous role if he doesn’t?

Snape: Yes, for Draco I will.

[The spell binds them together]

Narcissa: Wow, Severus—you’re the greatest!

Snape: I live to serve. Literally!

Comments

[jana-ch.livejournal.com]

Betraying the Potters does seem to be Peter’s principal act of genuine cowardice, but JKR is going out of her way to ret-con the Fidelius Charm to make certain that Peter has absolutely no reason except cowardice for having done so. According to what I’ve picked up from post-canon sources (which, admittedly, I don’t follow closely), a Secret Keeper who gives away the secret must be acting voluntarily. One can’t be tortured into giving away the secret, or tricked, or Imperiused, or dosed with Veritaserum or anything else we fans can dream up. Anyone who is sufficiently brave and true will succeed in keeping silent unto death. There is no way anyone is going to be allowed to feel the slightest empathy or understanding for Peter Pettigrew. He’s worthless, and that means he’s a coward. He’s a coward, and that means he’s worthless. It must annoy the heck out of JKR that there are fans like us who can’t seem to get that through their heads.

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

Does Rowling ever address the possibility that he deliberately betrayed James et al. not out of cowardice but simply because he resented James and had been looking for a chance to get back at him all along? Which wouldn't exactly be cowardice, though it would be something worse.

[jana-ch.livejournal.com]

JKR never goes into why he does it. He’s just a coward and a rat. It’s obvious from the brief glimpse we get of the Marauders in canon that Peter was their in-house Snivellus, always available to be mocked and insulted when Snape wasn’t around. Any Death Eater who attended Hogwarts with them would know enough to suggest targeting him as the weak link of the group. Nowhere is it indicated that Peter went to Voldy to betray the Potters on his own initiative, yet he’s often treated as if he did.

My headcanon is that he was captured and briefly tortured or threatened with torture, and had his family threatened (we know his mother was alive). Unlike Sirius Black, who was willing to die for the friend who was essentially his foster brother, Peter saw no reason to suffer further torture and have his mother killed for the sake of a school chum who made it clear he liked his other mates a lot better than he liked Peter. After all, Sirius would have died for James, but would he have died for that annoying prig Lily Evans? Severus would have, and fans are always condemning him for not having a sufficiently generalized sense of morality.

In the on-going fanfic ‘Valley of the Shadow’ by Potionpen/Nightfall Rising, Voldy is targeting Peter not by torturing him but by having Death Eater Lucy Wilkes befriend him, treat him with the affection and admiration the Marauders never have, and become his girlfriend—a girlfriend the Marauders insist doesn’t exist, because, “Hey, who could like Peter?” That’s the way you subvert someone!

[hwyla.livejournal.com]

LOVE that fic!!!!