CoS Chapter One

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*The Worst birthday? I don’t know. I think having a strange elf creature show up and get you in trouble’s got to be better than just being ignored or given an old shoelace. Admit it, Harry.

*Dudley’s allowed to belch at the table? Petunia’s got no problem with that? I know he’s spoiled, but Petunia’s also uptight. One would think the raucous, loving household of the Weasleys would have more belching (followed by scolding and laughing). In fact, I’ll bet they have contests. And that Ginny always wins them, though never where we can see them because that would be kind of gross. This way she’s fun, not-prissy, and the best at everything without having to have bodily functions.

*Sometimes I wish Rowling would include more physical descriptions. I get the feeling Dudley might be a little overweight, but I can’t be sure.

*The Dursleys get very threatening very quickly—I’m surprised Harry would try any kind of snark at all.

*Harry misses living in his castle where he eats off golden plates. I should think so! You’d expect living in a castle would kind of spoil most people for living in a regular flat.

*Heh—this reminds me of how people often get angry at fanfic writers daring to place the Malfoys in an opulent house just because they might be wealthy. (Manor houses aren’t a big deal at all! Just an overgrown cottage! And besides the Malfoys are lying about being rich. Or else they’ve just lately made money and should just live in an overlarge trailer!) You can hardly blame people here. When you start off with a castle, it raises the bar.

*(Too bad we never got that Draco/Theo scene that apparently was supposed to show us just how different the Manor was from Privet drive.)

*Mean Uncle Vernon apparently doesn’t care if Harry loses his place on the Quidditch team because he hasn’t practiced all summer. But the jokes on him—he doesn’t know Harry became Quidditch champion after not practicing his entire life.

*Getting homework in the summer is kind of obnoxious. I wonder what it is—couldn’t involve magic since the kids aren’t allowed to do magic at home.

*So Vernon’s padlocked Hedwig in her cage? How does Harry clean it? Oh wait—he never cleans her cage regardless.

*Harry looks like none of the rest of the family. Let me guess—they’re all really good looking and fit and he’s pudgy and hatchet faced? Amirite?

*Actually, from the descriptions nobody in the family looks like anybody else in the family at all, so Harry pretty much fits right in.

*I’m going to run for a cup of tea during the "Previously, on Harry Potter…" part.

*I continue to be fascinated by exactly what Harry’s place at the Dursleys is. On the one hand, they hate him and treat him like shit. Otoh, he’s a bit miffed they’ve forgotten his birthday. I mean, they’ve never gotten him a proper cake or present, but ignoring it completely is a bit rude!

*I can’t be the only one who finds the Durlseys’ going over plans to welcome the builders adorable.

*Also this reminds me of the only line reading I can remember of Dan Radcliffe’s I actually liked (and the line’s improved too): "I’ll be in my room, pretending I don’t exist."

*I assume the fact that the Dursleys think they have a "lounge" speaks poorly of them. God knows their aspirations to holiday in Majorca do!

*I’m surprised Harry doesn’t look forward to a holiday in Majorca, since it seems like they might leave him home.

*No cake, no presents and he has to spend the night pretending he doesn’t exist. Harry is soooo 16 Candles.

*I won’t ask how Harry expected to unlock Hedwig’s cage via magic when his wand is locked up. Must get in that underaged magic law somewhere, after all!

*Even taunting Dudley has lost its appeal. Because taunting people never held any appeal for Harry. Only bullies do that.

*Not that taunting or otherwise harming Dudley is bullying, because he’s earned it.

*Harry would almost be glad for the sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy. Oh, we know you would, Harry. We know you would.

*Btw, Draco’s totally not your arch-enemy. Voldemort is. And then Snape. Draco’s completely unimportant you don’t even remember him when he’s not there. Stop being a pathetic Draco fangirl, Harry.

*To review, magic is good revenge on Muggles you can’t shut up otherwise.

*Petunia aims at Harry’s head with a soapy frying pan. Which would have, um, quite possibly killed him had it connected.

*While Dudley sits around eating ice cream Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn and trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses and repainted the garden bed, all with the sun blazing overhead. So at the end of the day he’s tanned, with rippling abs and biceps, far too sexy for his shirt and ready to begin his pornographic affair with Hermione.

*Harry’s right. If only people at Hogwarts could see him treated like Cinderella they would totally stop wanting to be him at school. LOL! Just kidding. They’d happily trim the flowerbeds in return for being the combination movie star and superhero that is Harry Potter.

*Dudley and Vernon are in jackets and bow ties. Awwww!

*There’s already somebody sitting on Harry’s bed. It’s Dobby. I hate this guy.





Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Nobody in the WW knows how Harry wasn’t killed by Voldemort, because they don’t know about this rule.

Informed Attributes
As if Harry has to practice for Quidditch. As if!

Final score: 2

Comments

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

Actually, from the descriptions nobody in the family looks like anybody else in the family at all, so Harry pretty much fits right in.

But Pure-bloods all look alike from the Weaselys to the Malfoys, they are like show animals. I guess non-magical people are the strays. If Harry Potter was turned into a cute pet movie, Harry would be played by Benji. I wonder what purebreed Ron would be...a chihuahau? Nah, I guess that would be Draco.

*No cake, no presents and he has to spend the night pretending he doesn’t exist. Harry is soooo 16 Candles.

Its the same deal every year and every year Harry gets crazy over it. Anyone else would have written off the Dursleys and got on with their life. Has Harry made any effort to have a real life beyond the WW? I don't think he has an RL in the WW. He just exists as Dumbledore's henchboy.

[sarahtales.livejournal.com]

You know, I think Dobby and Hagrid should run away together at the start of book 7. It would be poetic justice, spare us all any scenes, and all we'd have to do is not think very hard about the logistics of the whole thing. Which we do with Hagrid anyway! Win/win!

Sometimes I wish Rowling would include more physical descriptions. I get the feeling Dudley might be a little overweight, but I can’t be sure.

I admit, they don't really go into Dudley's appearance like they should, but I really appreciate how clearly JKR has stated that Hermione has lots of plump curves because it's OK to be any size as long as you're healthy. I find that empowering!

Plus, you know, Hermione's juicy curves will fit so perfectly against Harry's rippling abs. ;)

Draco’s totally not your arch-enemy. Voldemort is. And then Snape. Draco’s completely unimportant you don’t even remember him when he’s not there. Stop being a pathetic Draco fangirl, Harry.

Yes, of course, but Harry is young, you know? By the time he's sixteen, he'll be completely obsessed - I mean, so over Draco! Draco who? Do you mean that blond boy with the attractive sneer next to the stringy boy, being glared at by the girl with lots of curly hair and the tall redhead?

The fact we got all of Grawp and no Draco/Theo scene actually makes me want to choke a bitch editor.

[anehan]

The fact we got all of Grawp and no Draco/Theo scene actually makes me want to choke a bitch editor.

Who of us believes Grawp actually has any reason to exist beyond frightening the centaurs away? Is he going to be a pivotal figure in the giant/wizard alliance? The leader in the fight for equal rights for magical creatures (so admirably started by our lady bountiful, a.k.a. Hermione Granger, and exemplified by the centaurs' embracing co-operation and mutual respect)? Perhaps he's going to accidentally sit on Voldie in chapter one of DH and then the rest of the book is spent on planning the OBHWF wedding and contemplating sunlit days. Place your bets!

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

Grawp better have some VITAL reason to exist. Like, he'd better be a Horcrux or something if his existence is going to be at all justified.

[galaxianomiko.livejournal.com]

Who of us believes Grawp actually has any reason to exist beyond frightening the centaurs away?

Oh god. I will scream if that's all there is to it. As if there's not plenty of other things in the forest that could have frightened the centaurs off (GIANT SPIDERS, for one!)

[anehan]

*While Dudley sits around eating ice cream Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn and trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses and repainted the garden bed, all with the sun blazing overhead.

O.O I know Dudley's supposed to eat a lot, but even he can't possibly eat so much ice cream.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

I bet Riddle is the source of the Malfoy clan "luckily" stumbling into the old blood crowd. Lucius wouldn't have stood a chance without his help.

[sarahtales.livejournal.com]

Lounge and Majorca? Not disagreeing here, just wondering where the references come from.

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay, CoS! I think this may be my favorite of the books. It's so tightly plotted and has some of my favorite moments.

[romeoambiences.livejournal.com]

*Sometimes I wish Rowling would include more physical descriptions. I get the feeling Dudley might be a little overweight, but I can’t be sure.

I've felt cheated by the same. I need to be know which characters are wearing the black hats (or overlarge trousers or grey underpants or pug noses).


*(Too bad we never got that Draco/Theo scene that apparently was supposed to show us just how different the Manor was from Privet drive.)

Yeah, I really need more evidence to contrast Draco and Harry as I tend to get confused as to which character is privileged.

Seriously, maybe this scene would help clarify her "Theo perhaps being a bit more clever than Draco." Are we talking academically? Are we talking more Slytherin (cunning)? Slipping in under the radar. Or are we talking a kid who has already seen death and wants no part of Voldemort? I like option C myself.

he doesn’t know Harry became Quidditch champion after not practicing his entire life

Poor Harry. It must be really hard to be so gifted. Draco and Ron are lucky to spend hours playing and practicing only to be upstaged by the supernaturally talented. Dedication should be punished.
Since Draco was not holding his broom properly in Hooch's class, it would seem to indicate that he had no formal instruction prior to Hogwarts. That makes me picture him sneaking out to play on his own (Can Ginny be anymore like Draco minus a sex change and hair color?) without his father's okay.

*Harry would almost be glad for the sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy. Oh, we know you would, Harry. We know you would.

*smothers a giggle* You kill me, sister.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Not that taunting or otherwise harming Dudley is bullying, because he’s earned it.

It's like they released this just for us!
http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/#article:9483

"So in book seven (Harry)'ll be allowed to use magic outside school. Ha ha. So Dudley's really going to be in trouble. [Laughter] Now look at you being nasty to Dudley. I get letters from parents saying I'm mean because I make Harry be nasty to Dudley. And I'm like, have you read Dudley, do you understand what Dudley's like?" (How, how, how she resisted the punchline of 'Fat!' here, I will never know. Or possibly just 'Muggle.') "I mean, there's turning the other cheek and there's just being a moron!"
I believe Jesus said something similiar on the Mount.

Actually, from the descriptions nobody in the family looks like anybody else in the family at all, so Harry pretty much fits right in.

I like that in the movie, they all have dark hair, like Harry, and Dudley and Harry look like they could be realistically cousins (obviously Harry’s far more handsome OMG!1!!) Oh, and Vernon's shows Dudley how to do his bowtie. Cute.

Sometimes I wish Rowling would include more physical descriptions. I get the feeling Dudley might be a little overweight, but I can’t be sure.

Oh come on, there’s only ten references to how fat he is (no, really.) This is actually very subtle for Rowling.

I’m surprised Harry doesn’t look forward to a holiday in Majorca, since it seems like they might leave him home.

Yeah, but it’s hardly a castle, or a rustic country cottage. It’s a house with a lounge. He could play on the computer when Dudley wasn’t there, but there’s only violent games – nothing to appeal to a Gryffindor. :(
The wordings interesting there, though, where it’s all ‘They won’t love me more in Majorca!’ like if they’d just bought him a present this time, he’d overlook their massive physical imperfections and go and work at Grunnings or something. I mean, obviously the impetus has always been on the Dursleys to love Harry and not the other way around, it’s just a bit disingenous to have him wistfully noting how he doubts they’ll ever like him more when he hates everything about them – it’s not like Petunia and Vernon coddling Dudley makes him wish they’d coddle him, he finds it hilarious.

The Worst Birthday? I don’t know. I think having a strange elf creature show up and get you in trouble’s got to be better than just being ignored or given an old shoelace. Admit it, Harry.

Heh. There should be a Worst Birthday chapter every book, like how Harry’s always discovering new depths of anger that are stronger than any he’s ever felt before.

The Dursleys get very threatening very quickly—I’m surprised Harry would try any kind of snark at all.

And Harry’s amazingly conciliatory back in his early days. He tries to defend himself, but not in an emo ‘I’m always right, Dudley came up and made me threaten him with mindcontrol!’ way, he notes that they’re upset, he speaks moderately and calms them down. He even thinks later that he shouldn't have risen when baited! Granted, he learns the error of all that non-retaliation and negotiation crap once he finds out how much he can get away with, but still.

[romeoambiences.livejournal.com]

"I mean, there's turning the other cheek and there's just being a moron!"

If I were to use the actions of her "heroes" as representative of her beliefs, I'd have to think she was misquoted. She actually said only a moron would turn the other cheek.

If someone insults you, you have the moral obligation to beat the crap out of them.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yes, she doesn't seem to see a difference between revenge and self-defense (like many other in fandom). It's not like anybody thinks Harry should just take it from Dudley. They just wonder at certain sequences where Harry's like, "You know, bullying other people really makes you feel empowered if you've been bullied yourself!"

Um, thank you Professor Snape.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, it's sort of a false example, there, too, like Harry's being forced to turn the other cheek literally while being beaten or something. I mean, in the last four books, it's been Harry or his friends making the moves against his family himself (PoA could be argued either way, I suppose) - in OotP, he's actively seeking out Dudley to get into a fight!
Turning the other cheek doesn't have to mean Harry has to 'be a moron' and trust Dudley, or forgive the Dursleys for how they've treated him, or allow himself to be victimised; but there's nothing particularly clever (or loving, since that's Harry's Sekrit Power) in seeking out someone to fight them once you have might on your side or in constantly provoking people you hate. I mean, how many times is she going to write out these elaborate little revenge schemes? How much is enough? It's not like five or six or twenty tricks that make the Dursleys miserable is going to suddenly make them nice people or make anything they've done okay, it's just to please Harry (and his author, apparently. Ha ha indeed!) and in the end, that's just kind of small, and sad. (I'm actually now really curious to do a search on the word forgiveness in the books - I'm sure Dumbledore must bring it up at least once - because it sort of reminds me of how they deal with it in things like Veronica Mars or Buffy.)
And it's hilarious that she's essentially justifying becoming a bully yourself if it's in the service of hurting a bully. So who gets revenge on Harry for what he does, then?

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

"I mean, there's turning the other cheek and there's just being a moron!"

She actually said that? Supposedly a hero, who has the talent for feeling love for everyone from enemies to friends and will use it to save his world, will be little enough to use hard force on a relative?

So Righteous force trumps compassion. I'm amazed she doesn't hear or understand how that fundamentalist that sounds.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

It's kinda ironic she thinks a Dursley deserves whatever beatings he'll get from little Harry Pureheart, since she sounds like a Dursley herself: "I won't have this namby-pamby wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it!"

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

Its ironic because fandom justifies the Dursley episodes as a pure nod to fairytales.

I can honestly see that element. But there is also another element that everyone is ignoring, including the author. The pure hero or heroine almost always forgives his/her unloving relatives at the end. Unless we are being true to the really twisted and crazy Grimm originals(which noone ever is)and the evil people get divine justice from someone or something other than the hero/heroine. Even the Grimms knew enough not to sully the hands of their heroes.

[xerox78.livejournal.com]

"So in book seven (Harry)'ll be allowed to use magic outside school. Ha ha. So Dudley's really going to be in trouble. [Laughter] Now look at you being nasty to Dudley. I get letters from parents saying I'm mean because I make Harry be nasty to Dudley. And I'm like, have you read Dudley, do you understand what Dudley's like?" (How, how, how she resisted the punchline of 'Fat!' here, I will never know. Or possibly just 'Muggle.') "I mean, there's turning the other cheek and there's just being a moron!"

You know, the more she opens her mouth, the nastier she sounds. That makes her sounds like one of those parents who encourages her children to pick on other children and when the little spoiled brat is called out, says that it's the other kid's fault for not knowing how to fight back or for being different in some way in the first place. It's no wonder she thinks people like Fred, George, and Ginny Weasley are such saints. Speaking of the Weasleys, I wonder what nasty punishment they are cooking up for Percy to make him "earn" his way back into the family, because you know they are!

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

So Vernon’s padlocked Hedwig in her cage? How does Harry clean it? Oh wait—he never cleans her cage regardless.

LOL. I bet he hands it to Molly to clean along with his dirty clothes when he gets to the Burrow.

To review, magic is good revenge on Muggles you can’t shut up otherwise.

I love how Harry ‘pays dearly for his moment of fun’. (Or conversely, Dudley did, since he thinks he’s living with a potential arsonist. I’m surprised the later books don’t just have Harry threatening to set fire to the Dursleys’ beds.) He’s just a loveable scamp up to mischief!
Oh, and his emo dinner. Still, take heart, at least with that diet you won't become grotesquely obese and thus morally corrupt.

Harry would almost be glad for the sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy. Oh, we know you would, Harry. We know you would.

’Draco! It wasn’t a dream! You’re really real!’ LOL. I like how subtle this is. It starts with their baby fashion critiquing of each other in PS, then in CoS it’s the ever-so-casual ‘I’d almost be happy to see Malfoy!’, HBP has the war of the beard vs. The All Consuming Obsession11! and DH presumably the coming out party.

Dudley’s allowed to belch at the table? Petunia’s got no problem with that? I know he’s spoiled, but Petunia’s also uptight. One would think the raucous, loving household of the Weasleys would have more belching (followed by scolding and laughing).

I’m thinking Petunia at least would object to maggots at the breakfast table. Of course, that would be an example of how affected she is.

I assume the fact that the Dursleys think they have a "lounge" speaks poorly of them. God knows their aspirations to holiday in Majorca do!

That, and they’re having to ingratiate themselves and mix socially with labourers (albeit rich ones!)

I can’t be the only one who finds the Dursleys’ going over plans to welcome the builders adorable.

The Dursleys are so frustrated actors (ie. Slytherins, of course) here, with Dudley making up these elaborate compliments and Vernon organising the choreography – step through here, take Mrs. Mason’s arm, turn and pivot!

I continue to be fascinated by exactly what Harry’s place at the Dursleys is. On the one hand, they hate him and treat him like shit. Otoh, he’s a bit miffed they’ve forgotten his birthday. I mean, they’ve never gotten him a proper cake or present, but ignoring it completely is a bit rude!

Dudley didn’t forget it, at least. OTP, baby.
But yeah, it’s weird. It kinda seems to stand out as a sort of unrealistic POV, this endless surprise/indignation at minor slights (in that forgotting a birthday is pretty meaningless next to depriving someone of love for a decade), like it’s the author showing the audience how awful the Dursleys are, rather than an organic reaction of Harry’s.
I snickered cruelly when he thought Vernon’s ‘Today is super important!’ intro would of course be about his VIP nephew’s birthday, though. I don’t know what to tell you, I’m a bitch.
It’s also kinda odd how JKR shies away from too much abuse. I mean, obviously it’s a kids book, not ‘A Child Called It’, and they’re pretty horrible to him emotionally, but the effects there are negligible, imho, and the punishment stuff is so cartoonish – the wee lock for Hedwig’s cage, etc. It reminds me of your PS recap and how they’re kind of a parody of actual parents – they make you comb your hair and do chores. I mean, like here, I don’t think even Ron would be horrified if Harry was all ‘I had to help cook! And water the roses!’

Harry’s right. If only people at Hogwarts could see him treated like Cinderella they would totally stop wanting to be him. LOL! Just kidding. They’d happily trim the flowerbeds in return for being the combination movie star and superhero that is Harry Potter.

Harry’s so heroic he doesn’t even recognise how his suffering ennobles him! I’m sure everyone at Hogwarts instantly recognises from his demeanour that he’s no pampered prince and tells stories of how he suffers under the tyranneous Muggles. (Doesn’t Ernie mention how it’s known that Harry hates his family later?)

Stop being a pathetic Draco fangirl, Harry.

Hee!