CoS Chapter One

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*The Worst birthday? I don’t know. I think having a strange elf creature show up and get you in trouble’s got to be better than just being ignored or given an old shoelace. Admit it, Harry.

*Dudley’s allowed to belch at the table? Petunia’s got no problem with that? I know he’s spoiled, but Petunia’s also uptight. One would think the raucous, loving household of the Weasleys would have more belching (followed by scolding and laughing). In fact, I’ll bet they have contests. And that Ginny always wins them, though never where we can see them because that would be kind of gross. This way she’s fun, not-prissy, and the best at everything without having to have bodily functions.

*Sometimes I wish Rowling would include more physical descriptions. I get the feeling Dudley might be a little overweight, but I can’t be sure.

*The Dursleys get very threatening very quickly—I’m surprised Harry would try any kind of snark at all.

*Harry misses living in his castle where he eats off golden plates. I should think so! You’d expect living in a castle would kind of spoil most people for living in a regular flat.

*Heh—this reminds me of how people often get angry at fanfic writers daring to place the Malfoys in an opulent house just because they might be wealthy. (Manor houses aren’t a big deal at all! Just an overgrown cottage! And besides the Malfoys are lying about being rich. Or else they’ve just lately made money and should just live in an overlarge trailer!) You can hardly blame people here. When you start off with a castle, it raises the bar.

*(Too bad we never got that Draco/Theo scene that apparently was supposed to show us just how different the Manor was from Privet drive.)

*Mean Uncle Vernon apparently doesn’t care if Harry loses his place on the Quidditch team because he hasn’t practiced all summer. But the jokes on him—he doesn’t know Harry became Quidditch champion after not practicing his entire life.

*Getting homework in the summer is kind of obnoxious. I wonder what it is—couldn’t involve magic since the kids aren’t allowed to do magic at home.

*So Vernon’s padlocked Hedwig in her cage? How does Harry clean it? Oh wait—he never cleans her cage regardless.

*Harry looks like none of the rest of the family. Let me guess—they’re all really good looking and fit and he’s pudgy and hatchet faced? Amirite?

*Actually, from the descriptions nobody in the family looks like anybody else in the family at all, so Harry pretty much fits right in.

*I’m going to run for a cup of tea during the "Previously, on Harry Potter…" part.

*I continue to be fascinated by exactly what Harry’s place at the Dursleys is. On the one hand, they hate him and treat him like shit. Otoh, he’s a bit miffed they’ve forgotten his birthday. I mean, they’ve never gotten him a proper cake or present, but ignoring it completely is a bit rude!

*I can’t be the only one who finds the Durlseys’ going over plans to welcome the builders adorable.

*Also this reminds me of the only line reading I can remember of Dan Radcliffe’s I actually liked (and the line’s improved too): "I’ll be in my room, pretending I don’t exist."

*I assume the fact that the Dursleys think they have a "lounge" speaks poorly of them. God knows their aspirations to holiday in Majorca do!

*I’m surprised Harry doesn’t look forward to a holiday in Majorca, since it seems like they might leave him home.

*No cake, no presents and he has to spend the night pretending he doesn’t exist. Harry is soooo 16 Candles.

*I won’t ask how Harry expected to unlock Hedwig’s cage via magic when his wand is locked up. Must get in that underaged magic law somewhere, after all!

*Even taunting Dudley has lost its appeal. Because taunting people never held any appeal for Harry. Only bullies do that.

*Not that taunting or otherwise harming Dudley is bullying, because he’s earned it.

*Harry would almost be glad for the sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy. Oh, we know you would, Harry. We know you would.

*Btw, Draco’s totally not your arch-enemy. Voldemort is. And then Snape. Draco’s completely unimportant you don’t even remember him when he’s not there. Stop being a pathetic Draco fangirl, Harry.

*To review, magic is good revenge on Muggles you can’t shut up otherwise.

*Petunia aims at Harry’s head with a soapy frying pan. Which would have, um, quite possibly killed him had it connected.

*While Dudley sits around eating ice cream Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn and trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses and repainted the garden bed, all with the sun blazing overhead. So at the end of the day he’s tanned, with rippling abs and biceps, far too sexy for his shirt and ready to begin his pornographic affair with Hermione.

*Harry’s right. If only people at Hogwarts could see him treated like Cinderella they would totally stop wanting to be him at school. LOL! Just kidding. They’d happily trim the flowerbeds in return for being the combination movie star and superhero that is Harry Potter.

*Dudley and Vernon are in jackets and bow ties. Awwww!

*There’s already somebody sitting on Harry’s bed. It’s Dobby. I hate this guy.





Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Nobody in the WW knows how Harry wasn’t killed by Voldemort, because they don’t know about this rule.

Informed Attributes
As if Harry has to practice for Quidditch. As if!

Final score: 2

Comments

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

So Vernon’s padlocked Hedwig in her cage? How does Harry clean it? Oh wait—he never cleans her cage regardless.

LOL. I bet he hands it to Molly to clean along with his dirty clothes when he gets to the Burrow.

To review, magic is good revenge on Muggles you can’t shut up otherwise.

I love how Harry ‘pays dearly for his moment of fun’. (Or conversely, Dudley did, since he thinks he’s living with a potential arsonist. I’m surprised the later books don’t just have Harry threatening to set fire to the Dursleys’ beds.) He’s just a loveable scamp up to mischief!
Oh, and his emo dinner. Still, take heart, at least with that diet you won't become grotesquely obese and thus morally corrupt.

Harry would almost be glad for the sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy. Oh, we know you would, Harry. We know you would.

’Draco! It wasn’t a dream! You’re really real!’ LOL. I like how subtle this is. It starts with their baby fashion critiquing of each other in PS, then in CoS it’s the ever-so-casual ‘I’d almost be happy to see Malfoy!’, HBP has the war of the beard vs. The All Consuming Obsession11! and DH presumably the coming out party.

Dudley’s allowed to belch at the table? Petunia’s got no problem with that? I know he’s spoiled, but Petunia’s also uptight. One would think the raucous, loving household of the Weasleys would have more belching (followed by scolding and laughing).

I’m thinking Petunia at least would object to maggots at the breakfast table. Of course, that would be an example of how affected she is.

I assume the fact that the Dursleys think they have a "lounge" speaks poorly of them. God knows their aspirations to holiday in Majorca do!

That, and they’re having to ingratiate themselves and mix socially with labourers (albeit rich ones!)

I can’t be the only one who finds the Dursleys’ going over plans to welcome the builders adorable.

The Dursleys are so frustrated actors (ie. Slytherins, of course) here, with Dudley making up these elaborate compliments and Vernon organising the choreography – step through here, take Mrs. Mason’s arm, turn and pivot!

I continue to be fascinated by exactly what Harry’s place at the Dursleys is. On the one hand, they hate him and treat him like shit. Otoh, he’s a bit miffed they’ve forgotten his birthday. I mean, they’ve never gotten him a proper cake or present, but ignoring it completely is a bit rude!

Dudley didn’t forget it, at least. OTP, baby.
But yeah, it’s weird. It kinda seems to stand out as a sort of unrealistic POV, this endless surprise/indignation at minor slights (in that forgotting a birthday is pretty meaningless next to depriving someone of love for a decade), like it’s the author showing the audience how awful the Dursleys are, rather than an organic reaction of Harry’s.
I snickered cruelly when he thought Vernon’s ‘Today is super important!’ intro would of course be about his VIP nephew’s birthday, though. I don’t know what to tell you, I’m a bitch.
It’s also kinda odd how JKR shies away from too much abuse. I mean, obviously it’s a kids book, not ‘A Child Called It’, and they’re pretty horrible to him emotionally, but the effects there are negligible, imho, and the punishment stuff is so cartoonish – the wee lock for Hedwig’s cage, etc. It reminds me of your PS recap and how they’re kind of a parody of actual parents – they make you comb your hair and do chores. I mean, like here, I don’t think even Ron would be horrified if Harry was all ‘I had to help cook! And water the roses!’

Harry’s right. If only people at Hogwarts could see him treated like Cinderella they would totally stop wanting to be him. LOL! Just kidding. They’d happily trim the flowerbeds in return for being the combination movie star and superhero that is Harry Potter.

Harry’s so heroic he doesn’t even recognise how his suffering ennobles him! I’m sure everyone at Hogwarts instantly recognises from his demeanour that he’s no pampered prince and tells stories of how he suffers under the tyranneous Muggles. (Doesn’t Ernie mention how it’s known that Harry hates his family later?)

Stop being a pathetic Draco fangirl, Harry.

Hee!