deathtocapslock | OotP Chapter Twenty-Five

*Warning: this was one of those chapters that really irritated me. But to be fair, it irritated Harry too. I know, that's a shock!

*Harry's being angry that Fudge is "blaming the outbreak on Sirius" is just so...Harry. Sirius is a logical choice given what everyone else knows, but when Harry talks about it it sounds like more adolescent petulance: Mom blames me and my friends for everything!

*Harry has met Bode, the man who was murdered. Not only does this remind us that Harry is Doomed, somehow, but I presume it is also supposed to make the death more real—-that nice man Harry met in the elevator? Dead dead dead.

*I notice this because I've been thinking lately about how part of the "darkness" of the series is that it contains death, but death isn't "real" at all, which is why the audience discusses "who will die" so lightly and Sirius' death didn’t really take. It just seems like "We are tackling really Deep Themes" when it’s really more superficial. Death and racism both sometimes come across like--ooh! Big difficult topics! Followed by: Ooh! Easy, shallow answers! ETA: Yup, I'm standing by this opinion, even with all those times the earth ought to have stopped turning on its access in DH. Should have but totally didn't. Imagine that!

*Oh no! Hagrid's on probation! What injustice! Not. The fact that he's still got a job says he's getting a pretty fair shake here. Happily, nobody cares Hagrid's on probation and many people are gleeful.

*Ron, Hermione and Harry are the only people who care about the freakish death of a MoM official. Because they’re the only students who really Understand Life and Death and care about Important Things. They're all so compassionate and sensitive.

*Is it me, or is there also a little judgment here about how only "a few people" read the newspapers at school, despite the fact that Harry himself only reads the newspapers, and only the parts that relate to him personally, and even then he's nudged by Hermione to do so. (Of course Hermione reads the papers—I’m sure Tom Riddle did too. If you're planning on re-shaping your newly adopted world in your own image you have to keep track of whom to get rid of, after all.) Maybe I'm wrong there, though.

*Funny none of the relatives of people murdered by Death Eaters get into their new celebrity status, as I imagine a lot of regular kids would. Oh right, liking attention is for losers. Please. Kids would be falling all over themselves advertising their six degrees of separation to both the victims they never knew personally AND the Death Eaters, I'd think.

*The breakout, rather than teach Umbridge that she may have been wrong, causes her to try to get a tighter grip on everything to bring it under her control even more, so it conforms to her view of reality. This instinct seems to be pretty common among wizards. Including Harry.

*How does Umbridge manage to teach a full load of DADA and also be present at every single CoMC and Divination class? Time Turner? The woman must be exhausted.

*How are we supposed to be reacting to Umbridge's presence in these classes, btw? She’s watching the classes of already bad teachers who are now on probation, and "harassing" them by asking them questions about the subject in which they're supposed to be experts. And in Trelawney's case, demanding she demonstrate powers she claims to have every day.

*Trelawney's drinking too—great! I love how Harry’s sympathy has to be reserved for Hagrid here, because only one of them can be saved. Trelawney is a bad teacher of a useless subject. Hagrid is a worse teacher of a real subject. But Hagrid likes Harry better, so Trelawney's going under the bus.

*Hagrid arrogantly told Harry that Muggles must be kept in the dark about wizards because otherwise they'd be wantin' magical solutions for all their problems, but it seems to me that Muggles on the whole have a better record at dealing with personal stress. Among many other things.

*You'd think Harry would get that Hagrid was hiding something when Hagrid claims he doesn't want the kids to visit him because he's nobly trying to protect them from getting in trouble. Hagrid's always gladly dragged them into trouble when he had some selfish reason for it. He’s proved more than once he doesn't care if they get in trouble.

*Umbridge is taking away everything that makes Harry’s life at Hogwarts "worth living." Such drama! (Ironically, I can’t help but think Malfoy's probably had identically miserable and melodramatic thoughts about Harry.)

*Harry’s happy all the DA has been inspired to work harder with the DEs escaped, "even Zacharias Smith." Um, why "even" Zacharias Smith? What's he done that would imply he’d be somehow different from the rest of the DA? ETA: Nothing, but of course Harry's right. He can smell the soul of a coward a mile away.

*Neville's bloodlust and desire for revenge causes massive improvements in his spellwork. It wasn't confidence that Neville needed, it was some good old-fashioned rage and a target for revenge. Because remember, in the past if there was some reason it was extra important that Neville be good at something, he screwed it up more. You can’t be a good wizard without a little bit of sadism! Don't listen to Yoda, anger is a good thing that makes you more powerful!

*If Snape had only really killed Trevot that time, Neville would be a Potions whiz by now!

*Harry now feels lurches of annoyance or cheerfulness for no reason. I'd be willing to bet what his friends see is Harry acting like just always.

*Wizards know nothing of hormones, of course. You must be possessed!

*Harry feels his Occlumency lessons are making his problems worse, but doesn’t think to ask his teacher, Snape, "Excuse me, Professor Snape, but my attachment to Voldemort seems to be getting more pronounced with these lessons. Since Occlumency concerns the joining of minds, is there a connection?"

*He could ask Sirius or Lupin, I guess, if only he had some object that he could use to talk to them without Umbridge knowing.

*Luckily Harry's friends are happy to tell him exactly why Dumbledore wants him to be taking Occlumency and what Harry *should* be experiencing, and then build a theory that Snape must be undermining Harry and working for Voldemort based on those assumptions. Ron should be in fandom.

*Notice that when Ron says, "Maybe" to indicate he’s getting a thought, Hermione gives him a "snappish" What? Ron's opinion is going to be stupid anyway, so just nip it in the bud there. Hermione's nobly sacrificing a chance to tell him how stupid he was after he speaks.

*Hermione's own theory as to why Snape can't be working for Voldemort has nothing to do with Snape himself but the fact that Daddy!Dumbledore trusts him and they must trust Dumbledore. This makes me hope she gets betrayed, decides she can't trust anybody, and starts murdering people. Seriously, it leaves the door wide open for blind trust and fanatical anger when betrayed. "If we can't trust Dumbledore who can we trust?" is not a line to inspire confidence in me.

*I love that Hermione's made super secret plans without telling Harry, so that he has to meet her in Hogsmeade. She of course doesn’t tell Harry what her plan is, because she "doesn't have time now" (really because that would give it away too soon plot-wise), but by not even giving him a hint she sabotages Harry’s date with Cho. If she'd said Harry would be meeting with someone else, at least, Harry wouldn’t sound like he was meeting Hermione alone for a date when he told Cho. Funny since Hermione was all into that relationship earlier. Boys can see other girls, as long as they know their real loyalty lies with Mother.

*ETA: Btw, I love the all the instances of "Let's have everybody not discuss things until I want them to discuss them" in these books. So the Trio can talk all night about Crouch in GoF but then still start at the beginning in the morning when we join them, or Hermione can't tell Harry anything here, or everybody can live together in a small cottage for weeks and yet never be able to talk to each other. At least with Hermione it works character wise--she never wants to reveal information until she can do it the most dramatically.

*Btw, I wonder if there's any particular reason JKR didn't want Ron at the meeting? She sets up a coldness between him and Harry just in time for Hermione to start maneuvering Harry into the place where she wants him. ETA: I guess if he were meeting Hermione and Ron Harry would have said that so Cho wouldn't have gotten as suspicious.

*Gryffindor has the worst team ever. Yeah, right. Like that's going to make me cheer for them to win the team cup AGAIN, as if they've suddenly become The Bad News Bears against the Mean Kid team. Little too late for that, Jo. We know you can't bear to have your heroes be unathletic.

*Harry finds it hard to have sympathy for Ron (as usual) because he wishes he were playing Quidditch like Ron is. That Harry is so incredibly compassionate. It's because he's such an empath.

*Harry is dreading his date with Cho. Seriously. It's not like he's just nervous they won't have anything to talk about, he's treating the date like some horrible duty he's got to get through, as if he's been asked to escort McGonagall's aged niece to Hogsmeade for the day. I'm sure he's supposed to just be nervous, but the book just can't convey Harry being attracted to her, despite having Harry rather lamely remind us her hair is pretty and that she's wearing it in a ribbon.

*When Harry sees Ron and Ginny going to practice and feels a "pang" I thought for a second Harry would feel badly for being so insensitive to Ron. Oops, he's just longing to be playing Quidditch himself. You know, if Harry asked Ron would probably gladly let him polyjuice himself and play Keeper.

*Pansy manages a screech and a shriek within the space of two sentences. Tell us how you really feel about those girls who teased you at school there, JKR!

*Cho damns herself by picking a teashop with frilly curtains. It's girly, like Umbridge. A sign of Cho’s inner corruption. Harry would have been more comfortable in a sleek, modern coffee shop called BEAN or something.

*Of course, Harry might have thought of what he wanted to do himself, but we all know a date means the girl drags the boy around while he suffers through it.

*My god, this isn’t a teashop—it's a LOVE TRAP! Cho has taken Harry to a place where girls trap Quidditch players into holding hands and such! Clearly she’s sat him next to Roger Davies so that Harry will snog her, even though that's probably Roger’s girlfriend and Cho knows perfectly well she and Harry are not close at all!

*Harry really does tell Cho about Hermione in a way designed to make it sound like a date. In fact, it makes him sound just like an arrogant prat like James, "Listen, Dollface, you wanna come with me when I meet Hermione Granger? She asked me so I thought I would—throw the girl a bone, you know. I told her I'd already have a bird on my arm so you’d have to come to, and she agreed. She wants me that badly."

*Cho deals with Harry’s announcement pretty well, thinking about other options as if Harry doesn’t care who she dates, which he really doesn’t. Still, Harry’s self-absorption can be tiring. There are people who honestly don’t think he shares this trait with James? He’s totally incapable of thinking of anything from any perspective but his own. He’s like a walking example of that joke, "But enough about me. What do YOU think of me?"

*Still, Cho also seems to literally be having some sort of a breakdown with all the crying. Has she been forbidden to talk or deal with Cedric's death at all and that's why she's desperate to talk to Harry?

*It’s kind of funny listening to Harry decide all that went wrong on the date was Cho’s fault for being a woman and a human hosepipe when reading it now I can see Cho was actually far and away the more mature of the two the whole time. She gave Harry the opening to ask her, carried most of the conversation, suggested places to go, showed a personal interest in Harry for himself and then, when Harry announced he was meeting someone else and makes it seem like he doesn't want to be with her, she was very honest about her real reason for wanting to talk to him--she doesn’t have anyone to talk to about Cedric and could use one.

*Harry’s reaction, naturally, is that he’s already got people to talk about it with, so why would they talk about it? His needs are met, what else is there?

*Harry doesn't know anything more about Cho than he did when they started out--he's amazed to discover they can talk about Quidditch, but he still never shows any interest in her as a person. Cho's able to see Harry looking longingly at the Quidditch Pitch and show sympathy for his missing it. Harry sees Cho in tears over Cedric and can't figure out she misses him.

*Though in Harry's defense, Cho probably doesn't have anything about her to learn besides a couple of paragraphs that wouldn't even make it to the website. Like that her Dad's name is I-Ching Chang and he makes quills to do calligraphy and her mother was a dragon charmer who retired when she had Cho.

*I think Harry’s going to really seem a little gay for the entire series. Even after he winds up with Ginny.

*Don’t you just love it when Hagrid gets drunk and self-pitying? I'm glad he does it with such regularity. Whatever yeh say, blood’s important. Yes Hagrid, we know. And what a coincidence that your "decent" parent was also the wizard one.

*It's so nice seeing Rita Skeeter scraggly and unkempt now that she's enslaved to Hermione. It's not creepy at all watching her live in poverty under Hermione’s thumb. No, it's a joyful thing, watching people get what they deserve.

*Who here hopes that Rita's threat of "one of these days!" that's dismissed so cockily by Hermione, comes to pass, and that Hermione gets her face shoved in it? *raises hand* See, this is why I love Peter Pettigrew . I get no pleasure out of seeing bad guys get theirs, but I love to see all the characters people think are too inferior to matter prove they were underestimated. And no, Neville doesn't count. Harry and Hermione love him. ETA: Oh, how naive I was. Why would Hermione's blackmailing of anyone come back to haunt her at all? Bad people know they deserve it.

*Finally we see a free press working the way it should. Hermione gets to say what stories get published and which ones don't. We can all trust her to be objective, or at least to only cover up stories that make her friends look bad, which is the same thing.

*Seriously, Rita appears to have become homeless or chronically depressed thanks to Hermione—wtf is up with that? Is that supposed to be some kind of fitting punishment for being a gossip columnist who prints the kind of stuff we see about celebrities all the time? And why are the adults in this world always so quick to become unkempt and drunk?

*You get sent to Azkaban for being an unregistered Animagus? So Harry's father belonged there? As did Sirius? Or not, because they're Harry’s Dad and his friend and had good reasons for being unregistered animagi?

*Okay, so I get Hermione's plan here and all, but are we really not supposed to notice how coldly she blackmails and uses people and has no feeling for them as people, especially with all the realistic signs of deterioration? Are we really supposed to be that angry at Rita for printing stories that embarrassed her and Harry? Or are we just supposed to love what a badass Hermione is and how ruthlessly capable?

*Btw, since they've already got a paper to publish the story, Luna's father could write it himself. Does Rita's name carry that much weight when we know she's a liar to begin with? I know there's a reason given that Rita's supposed to give the Quibbler some sort of validity, but ot feels like just a childlike idea that suggests that if you need to get a story printed you have to find a reporter (iow, either a tough-talkin' dame with a notebad or a guy in a fedora nicknamed "Scoop", both of whom live in a 40s movie).

*Ugh, this chapter left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. It's one of the ones that leave me feeling vaguely angry at everything. Hermione in this chapter makes me feel like most people feel about Umbridge, even though Hermione is far more in the right since she is, essentially, just trying to get the true story out.

*Chapters like this are what made me wind up feeling that Hermione in this book was just lucky to find a socially acceptable outlet for her bad impulses.

*The sad thing is this would really all be fine if she just went through a growing up experience where any of these things had realistic consequences. Then she might come across as just an overly enthusiastic teenager who didn't think of this stuff. Instead it's like this is proving she's ready to take over the reins of government right now because look how awesome she is! You have to be some kind of crazy person to think that these qualities could ever be a bad thing for a person in power!

Designated Hero
Toss up between Hermione the blackmailer or Harry the Worst Friend Ever?

IITS
I know Harry's supposed to be clueless but isn’t it a little odd that he presents his "date" with Hermione so badly? I mean, Cho knows about his basic relationship to Hermione. It seems more natural for him to have said something that indicated Hermione had some scheme she needed him for that was probably DA-related. Luckily Harry's canonical self-absorption makes this work.

Idiot Picture
‘Nuff said.

Idiot World
‘Nuff said.

Watermelon, watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe
Or in this case, slurp slurp slurp in a tea shop.

Final Score: 5