Let's Read Tales Of Beedle The Bard, Part Five: The Tale of the Three Brothers

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Well, here it is. The final chapter. :) We made it. :D



Summary of the Story: You know how this one goes. Once upon a time, three brothers were traveling down "a lonely winding road at twilight". The brothers come across a river, and because they're wizards (of course. XP), they manage to get over the river -- which pisses Death off, especially considering that everyone else managed to drown in the river previously. (*Wonders about the previous travelers*) Death pretends to congratulate the brothers and asks them for what they want as prizes for evading him. The older brother, who's combative, asks for the Elder Wand. The second brother, who's "arrogant", asks for the Resurrection Stone, and the third brother, who's "the humblest and the wisest of the brothers", asks for the Invisibility Cloak. (Smart idea at the time. :P)

First brother dies of his own stupidity. Second brother kills himself to be with the girl he loves. Third brother (ugh) goes to meet Death willingly. Reader is busy headdesking and mumbling incoherent curses.

Dumbledore's Commentary: Starts with an actually quite cute (if a bit creepy) anecdote about how Dumbledore used to love that story when he was a kid (though Aberforth preferred "Grumble the Grubby Goat"). Possible foreshadowing? YMMV. :)

And then we get *this* load of crap:

"The moral of 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' could not be any clearer: Human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment. The third brother in the story ("the humblest and also the wisest") is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting as long as possible. This youngest brother knows that taunting Death -- by engaging in violence like the first brother, or by meddling in the shadowy art of necromancy, like the second brother -- means pitting oneself against a wily enemy that cannot lose." (94-95)

*Beat*

Honestly, Dumbledore, if you hadn't basically set Harry up to commit suicide for the Greater Good (and made him a Master of Death in the process), I'd actually buy this argument.

Then he goes on about the idea that the Hallows are real is a load of crap and misses the point of the original story and blah blah blah -- except oh wait they turned out to be real in the most horrible way possible GODDAMMIT --

*Dumbles Rage-O-Meter braces itself*

Easy there. *Sighs* My hate will make me powerful...my hate will make me powerful...okay, let's continue. XD

Blah blah blah isn't death tragic and irreversible blah blah blah starting to wish baeraad was here so that he could give Dumbledore a good spanking blah blah blah Godelot blah blah blah hang on a second:

"But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother, if offered the pick of Death's gifts? Wizards and Muggles alike are imbued with a lust for power; how many would resist the 'Wand of Destiny'? Which human being, having lost someone they loved, could withstand the temptation of the Resurrection Stone? Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else." (107)

...

Well, at least he admits he's a hypocrite. Granted, he takes some time to brag about how "clever" he is (and to that I say, fuck you, sir. You are a humble servant of the Light -- something infinitely greater than you could ever be -- and that should be enough for you. #bitch mode), but it counts. A smidgen, that is. :P


Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 11. *Explodes again* *Beat*

Poor Rage-O-Meter...I should really fix it, but honestly, I think it's suffered enough. Still... :(




And it's over. Phew.



So my conclusions on THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD?

Awful.

If it had been a neat little tie-in for information about the Wizarding World, I think I would have liked it (or at the very least, it wouldn't have been as infuriating). Instead, it mostly serves as a vehicle to show what a "great writer" JKR is, and how "wise" Dumbledore is, and how "selfless" Harry is -- here's a hint: none of these are true. (Okay, maybe the JKR one was a little harsh, but...yeah)





On a scale of one to ten, where does it fall?

Less than zero.

It's pretentious and self-important, the Aesops are more unbalanced than a game of Jenga, and Dumbledore's commentary is so infuriating that it was hard to find room to make jokes at times.

I appreciate it was written for charity, but that's perhaps the only benefit of the doubt I can give it.



It's safe to say you can skip this one, and if you've chosen not to read it -- then I count you highly, highly fortunate. :)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some KOTOR II to cleanse my mind.

Comments

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Yes, somewhere else here I (jokingly) gave that as the reason why Dumbledore stayed put in his castle; because he feared losing the mastery of the capricious Elder Wand.

The way Rowling wrote it, in the end, that wand was so fickle Dumbledore probably would have lost its ownership if he'd tripped down the stairs and dropped it on a visit to the Ministry. :-)

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Well, that's not ... it's not a ... it's not a bad ...

WOULD YOU STOP MUMBLING PLEASE!!!

I couldn't hear myself type.

Right. Thanks.

An intriguing idea, although way too complex for Rowling. Wands did whatever they had to do to get Harry over the finish line in book 7, end of story.

*mumbles*

Say that most wands would need to be appreciated by their owners in order to work for them.

That is an interesting notion. Okay, she stuffed it all up, she didn't think any of it out, but wands *were* an institution of Rowling's world from book 1. Even if Dumbledore and Quirrell could do magic without a wand, so even the wizards' dependence on the things wasn't known to Rowling back at the start, let alone the rules of how they worked.

Still, with the various mentions of cleaning one's wand, wand maintenance, the focus on wands and their care over the years, yeah, that could have worked.

In his excellent "Coming Back Late" story author Paracelsus had the interesting idea that 'wand compatibility' mirrored wizard/witch compatibility. Hermione grabbed Harry's wand way back in book #1 to open a door, you might recall; and he was using hers - with absolutely no problems (which is yet another DH error, if you consider that Rowling was trying to show us the 'new' rules in the book, like how Harry *couldn't* use the Snatcher's wand very well) - in the last novel.

Which just went to prove how Harry and Hermione were compatible, you see.

STOP MUMBLING!!

:-)

[600ants.livejournal.com]

Say that most wands would need to be appreciated by their owners in order to work for them. The moment one takes their wand for granted, or one relies too much on wandless magic, the wand 'looses interest' and works less and less for its master.
&
An intriguing idea, although way too complex for Rowling.

LOL, and to think that Seeker (a slash author) once invented exactly this wandlore for the story Service Call, and called it a half-hearted excuse to write smut...

[600ants.livejournal.com]

..as in 'polishing your wand' wandlore smut?

:D Actually, no. The wandlore is part of the plot, not the smut. In short, Snape goes to Olivander's, because his wand is malfuntioning, Olivander explains him the wandlore and how he has to take proper care of his wand because it needs to feel it's appreciated, yadda yadda, one thing leads to another, explicitness ensues. :)

Deathly Hallows was a real mess

[urbanman1984.livejournal.com]

But if you consider it to be canon, despite its ludicrous contradictions within itself and to the rest of the series, then Draco's wand was even more compatible with Harry. It's even described with heavy innuendos when Harry is holding it.

Since we would both take Draco above any of the girls from the cast of important characters in Harry Potter, I think we can agree that that is one of the few moments of Deathly Hallows almost possessing merit :)

Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Harry ... and Draco? Ewwwww.

Since we would both take Draco above any of the girls from the cast of important characters in Harry Potter -

Speak for yourself, buster! I would do no such thing! :-)

I think we can agree that that is one of the few moments of Deathly Hallows almost possessing merit :)

Which moment? Harry wielding Hermione's wand? Okay.

Anyway, I'm not saying that 'wand compatibility' is full and complete proof of romantic amity, but a useful point. Corroborating evidence, if you like. Demonstrating magical compatibility which would be just one plank of a positive romantic relationship.

No scenes of Hermione and Ron using each others' wands, right? I REST MY CASE. :-)

Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

NO WONDER Snape didn't want the elder wand!!

Re: Deathly Hallows was a real mess

[urbanman1984.livejournal.com]

It wsa weird and unsettling how Deathly Hallows suddenly turned the wand into a phallic symbol. JKR really should not have BOTH made the wand into a phallic metaphor AND allowed female characters to use them within the same series of books. If they were going to be a phallic symbol then only wizards should ever have used them right from the very beginning with no exceptions. I am not being flippant. It is somethingI find genuinely disturbing.

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!!!

Now I've got a vision of Severus hiding behind statues trying to trip up Dumbledore.

NOW we know why Seerus was always patroling in the dark and hiding. He was hoping DD would come by and waiting for him so he could get the wand.

And the scene might be something like:

Dumbledore walks down a dark corridor, deep in thought. He pauses, staring at one of the satues ahead.

"Severus, I know you are there."

Severus mutters under his breath and comes out from behind the witch statue.

"Why is it I always seem to find you lurking just around a corner or behind a statue?" asks Dumbledore calmly, his bright blue eyes twinkling.

"I was on patrol tonight," said Severus in a guarded tone, "I was waiting for students who might be out of bed." he added.

Dumbledore gave Severus a hard stare for a couple moments, Severus gazed back and did not look away.

"You know, you are very good at Occlumency." Dumbledore offered, his tone becoming casual.

"Yes, I know." answered Severus, his voice smug and confident.

"Very well, Severus. Carry on with your...patrol." Dumbledore allowed and moved on down the corridor.

Severus glowered at the back of Dumbledore till the man was out of sight.

(Then again if you really wanted to have fun with the scene and the idea of Severus always being in the shadows hiding behind statues you'd have to add to the above scene)

"He gone?" a female voice whispers from behind the statue.

"Yes, he is gone." answered Severus, moving back over to the statue.

"How come he is always showing up and interrupts us," said the woman grumpily.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

See, that's all Snape would have to do ... dart out of a statue and grab Dumledore's wand. Any wand would do.

AND THEN THE AWESOME POWER OF THE AWESOME ELDER WAND WOULD BE HIS!!

"How come he is always showing up and interrupts us," said the woman grumpily.

Now, why would Snape, a grown-up professor, need to skulk around the castle with a lady-love when he could simply invite her to his quarters?

(Because they're dank and dark and in the dungeons? Okay then.)

[sunnyskywalker]

Maybe they were behind the statue that leads to the secret tunnel to Hogsmeade, and were planning to sneak out and Apparate to a nice private bed and breakfast somewhere for the weekend. Couldn't let Dumbledore find out or he'd start meddling, and that never ends well.

[majorjune.livejournal.com]

Couldn't let Dumbledore find out or he'd start meddling, and that never ends well.

Dumbles seems to have wanted to keep all of his staff isolated from the outside world; not one of them is married or has a serious romantic relationship. Hell, none of them even seem to have siblings, parents, cousins, nieces/nephews...

Perhaps Dumbles felt that any extracurricular relationships would distract his staff from their slavish devotion to him.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Non-orphans need not apply? Or are they 'encouraged' to disown family they may still have, cult-style?

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

I remember in an interview JKR made out like she was going to show us something about one of the staff, married or whatever but nothing ever came of that.

Snape is pretty young compaired to a lot of the other head of house professors. I sort of wonder, it had to be a lot of stress for someone so young to be put in charge of all those slytherin kids.

To me being a standard professor might give you a better chance of going home at the end of the day. But, being a head of house means you're sort of the substitute parent/guardian figure of that House of students. So you're basicly given the responsibility over those kids.

Now, in terms of Snape, I just have a feeling Dumbledore wouldn't have gone out of his way to help Severus move on, it was in his best interest to keep Severus from moving on.

And as you point out, we don't see any of the rest of the staff really have family over for a visit or, we never see much of if they have family. I'd assume that some of them do but it was never in JKR or Harry's point of reference. So we never get to really know what goes on behind the scenes.

I'm also assuming that just having some random lady down to the dungeons or to Hogwarts would be frowned upon. We've had discussions about this before June, but I don't know if it would be something parents would want to have going on at the school. I'm sure if Severus or others on the staff had boyfriend/girlfriend/onenightstands - they'd do that away from the school or at least keep in publicly respectable if they could.

I don't think canon version, Snape would actually be snogging or getting it on in the corridor; what if a student came along and caught him. Dito for any of the other adult staff.

And I'd think if it was in the real world the school would have some sort of Professors Handbook on conduct, etc. or at least some rules on how staff must behave on premisis

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

(haha!) Even better!

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

Now, why would Snape, a grown-up professor, need to skulk around the castle with a lady-love when he could simply invite her to his quarters?

They were on the way there and got interrupted.


(Because they're dank and dark and in the dungeons? Okay then.)


The dungeon might be dark and dank but who said the Slytherin Head of House private room was that way? Even JKR said something in an interview about the Slytherin common room being kinda beautiful.

Slytherin House complex

[urbanman1984.livejournal.com]

How would you describe the Slytherin House underground complex when you write fanfiction? I would like to think that it is situated within a cliff face in the mountain beneath Hogwartsso that there is at least one room with a sea view.

Re: Slytherin House complex

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Hogwarts isn't on the coast, as far as I'm aware.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Tom Riddle's life comes to mind... Tom had a horrible life, throwing away his youth, his looks and his potential, just so he could escape death./

Wow, I never thought of that. I've said in an earlier post that the warlock of the "Hairy Heart" story reminded me of Tom, but I never noticed the resemblances between him and the third brother.

/A good writer would've made use of that; "isn't the Bad Guy sad and misguided, in order not to die he had no life". Yet all Rowlings could manage was to take Tom and go 'booga booga booga!'./

And she never even told us *why* Tom wanted to be immortal in the first place. *sighs*

But you're right; Tom would have been more sympathetic if that had happened, and if Harry had felt sorry for him instead of always hating him and half-heartedly telling him to try for some remorse at the last moment.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

*This*.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Pratchett's Alberto Malich makes more sense - he started fearing death when he realized he would meet many of his old rivals that predeceased him. He ends up hanging on to a rather pathetic 'life' as Death's housekeeper and repair person.